Check out this great MSN video - Bear Cubs Rescued From Dumpster
I will admit, may have already admitted this, when the boys were babies, I watched animal planet a lot. I figured they have been doing this parenting thing for a long time without the need for prescription meds, therapists, and a juvenile court system. So, I turned in and paid attention.
Certainly three boys can appear like bear cubs. My family room cushions were on the floor more than they were on the couches, clothing was optional a good deal of the time, affectionate wrestling , warrior yells and pretending were all common occurrences. I think, for the most part, so far Mother Nature was a good mentor.
So I watched this video, and was reminded of some of the basic tenets I embarrassed when they were small. Don't do things for them they can do for themselves. Sometimes you have to stand nearby pacing and watch them struggle. Help can come from unexpected places, be open to it. Never turn your back on danger. As soon as the strongest is safe, start leading again, your movement will send a message to the weaker ones that you expect they can handle it. Trust that deep down inside, despite their adolescent stubbornness, they know they should follow you because you are wise, you are strong , you are the momma bear.
Alex had his senior pictures yesterday. I cried ( not a big cry, teary that's all), he said " Stop it". :-)
Showing posts with label Birth Order. mothering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birth Order. mothering. Show all posts
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
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| These M & M's aren't good for you either |
I have not liked, but have tolerated, to a point( three swear words and the son must be changed, sometimes we don't make it thru the first stanza) my very white, a little preppy, health conscious and academically responsible boys' affinity for Hip Hop & Rap. I even went so far as to take one of them & their friends to a concert. But what I heard yesterday just threw me over the edge. It did.
When the boys were young we often sang the duet of Carly Simon & James Taylors' " Mocking Bird" when I was putting them to bed. It was fun, and a good memory. Some nights when we had more time we played a game where they would throw out a word and I would sing a song that had that word in it. That was pretty cool as well. Until, well #2, always a precocious child,one night he threw out "Testicles" ( we were anatomy appropriate in my house no "gaslapogus", or "vajay jee" for us) & I had to admit defeat. I knew of no song, nor did I ever care to know of a song, that contained the word testicles. it's not melodic
So we are driving yesterday and he puts on his rap crap and I hear the word "vagina" in a song, yep, "Vagina" Are you kidding me? There are not enough words in the English language to use we now have to use basic anatomy words for songs? Are we singing about ovaries yet? How about a pancreas?
What gets me more then this, is what does the future hold? The sexual innuendos of my youth : "Afternoon Delight" prove too cryptically challenging to figure out for today's youth? They have to have it spelled out with directions of what to put where and details on how things work? What sounds to anticipate and where to leave your number as you leave? Am I being old?
And most importantly, What the heck are my grandchildren going to listen to?
Monday, June 18, 2012
Things you can count on
So I had a rare opportunity of spending some time with Bev Jean tonight. Michael was " graduating", I use the term loosely, from 8th grade. And true to my word, I would go if he wanted to go. As mom & I are heading over to the campus, she confidently tells me this is the month I will meet " Someone". You know the "someone" the friends & family of a single person hope for for the single person. And the "Someone" a single person hopes will be funny, and love their kids and be a good guy, a really good guy. So Mom said I will meet this someone in an unusual place, and she encouraged me to go to the Unitarian Church I have been talking about checking out. I said, " Cool" and got to preoccupied with her heavy breathing and holding up people behind us while walking to the ceremony, to worry more about men in unusual places.
While in the ceremony Mom was comparing it to my niece's ceremony that she had attended last week. She commented on what I should do the " next" time I attend an 8th grade graduation. I reminded her that this was my last child. She smiled at me and said, " you never know, you might get your girl". I am sure my face was a bit screwed up at that suggestion. I reminded her (I seem to remind her of things a lot), that I am 46 and my child bearing years were probably behind me, despite of my heart's willingness. I did a quick calculation, I don;t want to be 66 at a graduation. She just smiled and said" You never know".
As we were leaving the ceremony I allowed my curiosity over my mother's confident assertions to
be voice. My mom spends a good deal of time talking to relatives who have passed, & wrapping my kids, and I am sure myself, in Angels, and she's a daily parishioner at ST Greg's, so I thought maybe there was some divine communication she was operating off of. So I said, " Mom, where are you getting this information about me meeting someone from?" " TV Guide" is her response.
" TV Guide horoscope" She cautioned me it wasn't in effect until the 22nd. I laughed, come on you would laugh too!
Then I thought about it. TV Guide does accurately predict what is on TV 24 hours a day 7 days a week, maybe it's as good as any. Or maybe the confidence, if you can call it that, from her confidence, will project to the universe and Voila! He will be here.....Of course, you will be the first to know! After TV Guide that is.
While in the ceremony Mom was comparing it to my niece's ceremony that she had attended last week. She commented on what I should do the " next" time I attend an 8th grade graduation. I reminded her that this was my last child. She smiled at me and said, " you never know, you might get your girl". I am sure my face was a bit screwed up at that suggestion. I reminded her (I seem to remind her of things a lot), that I am 46 and my child bearing years were probably behind me, despite of my heart's willingness. I did a quick calculation, I don;t want to be 66 at a graduation. She just smiled and said" You never know".
As we were leaving the ceremony I allowed my curiosity over my mother's confident assertions to
be voice. My mom spends a good deal of time talking to relatives who have passed, & wrapping my kids, and I am sure myself, in Angels, and she's a daily parishioner at ST Greg's, so I thought maybe there was some divine communication she was operating off of. So I said, " Mom, where are you getting this information about me meeting someone from?" " TV Guide" is her response.
Then I thought about it. TV Guide does accurately predict what is on TV 24 hours a day 7 days a week, maybe it's as good as any. Or maybe the confidence, if you can call it that, from her confidence, will project to the universe and Voila! He will be here.....Of course, you will be the first to know! After TV Guide that is.
Monday, May 21, 2012
There's another star in the sky tonight
One of the ten most important women in my life passed away. She suffered for a long time, and lived a long full life, yet I ache.
I was told about her before I met her. I was told, " If you want to be a great therapist, you go to Southern." Tales of the tough, no nonsense program director spread like any good gossip, and created a charged atmosphere that I am pretty sure she enjoyed. I was 22 when I went for the interview, with her grad assistant, not with her, but she had to maneuver around the chair near the grad assistant's desk where I was. After the third maneuver, she looked at me and said, "You are in my way!" I was shocked, (it was their set up) and amused, and scared. I am pretty sure I spent the next four years, as my respect and admiration for her grew, vacillating between those emotions.
Barbara sparkled. When she was pleased or excited, like if someone replenished the fireballs, she sparkled. When you "got" a concept you had struggled with, she sparkled, or she walked away to let you absorb it without your ego needing her admiration.
She challenged me, she spoke the truth. She supported me. She showed me options I did not know existed. She taught me a math game to help keep minds sharp, and was hers ever! She was funny. She delighted me with stories of child rearing, I felt like I had a glimpse of Divine getting to listen to her. She cared about people, and worked for the children, and the children's children.
I remember after one of my last one way mirror sessions ( I'm the therapist with the couple on one side, a group of students & Barbara on the other), we would follow up with brief supervision meetings. I was nervous, as I always was with Barbara behind the one way, she could require you to justify why you did anything you did in session. She walked away & said, " I have nothing to say." I was confused, oh yeah, I spent a good deal of time confused, just one of many spots on the road to growth. Pats on the back were not handed out, but not needing to go over a session, that was about as good as it got, (I was told by a more experienced student.) I had spent four years challenged, confronted, supported and respected. & I had the time of my life.
After I graduated, I was able to have Barbara continue to supervise me. It was such a blessing. She was this first person I told I was pregnant, and the one I told about my ambivalence of being pregnant. She responded," I expect nothing but complete honesty from you, you are incapable of anything else. Most women would not want to admit that." And after 28 years of being told I was supposed to be " Nice" Barbara, indirectly, helped me find my inner bitch, and assured me every woman should have control over hers as a very necessary part of oneself. She met my boys, I know they will never remember, I wanted her to see them. And them to be near the woman who made me a better mother than I could have ever hoped to be without knowing her.
After I stopped working I kept in touch via Christmas cards & emails. And a yearly thank you note I would send after I attended yet another conference that taught me just how much she already taught me. She was always there when I needed words of wisdom, support or a reality check. She seemed to always be there at challenging times of my life. She read a tribute I wrote about my grandmother after she passed away, and said, she can only hope someone would have such wonderful things to say about her at her time. I can't hope to effect the thousand's of people Barbara's life effected, but I will try for hundreds, in her honor.
And last Thursday, when my 8 am client said about a challenging conversation, " & I heard your voice in my head". I smile knowingly. I am blessed to have Barbara's voice in my head, I hope to have a spec of her wisdom in my brain, and a portion of her ability to love in my heart. And when I am feeling a little sloppy as therapist, I pretend I have to justify my every move to her, and she makes me a better person.
I was told about her before I met her. I was told, " If you want to be a great therapist, you go to Southern." Tales of the tough, no nonsense program director spread like any good gossip, and created a charged atmosphere that I am pretty sure she enjoyed. I was 22 when I went for the interview, with her grad assistant, not with her, but she had to maneuver around the chair near the grad assistant's desk where I was. After the third maneuver, she looked at me and said, "You are in my way!" I was shocked, (it was their set up) and amused, and scared. I am pretty sure I spent the next four years, as my respect and admiration for her grew, vacillating between those emotions.
Barbara sparkled. When she was pleased or excited, like if someone replenished the fireballs, she sparkled. When you "got" a concept you had struggled with, she sparkled, or she walked away to let you absorb it without your ego needing her admiration.
She challenged me, she spoke the truth. She supported me. She showed me options I did not know existed. She taught me a math game to help keep minds sharp, and was hers ever! She was funny. She delighted me with stories of child rearing, I felt like I had a glimpse of Divine getting to listen to her. She cared about people, and worked for the children, and the children's children.
I remember after one of my last one way mirror sessions ( I'm the therapist with the couple on one side, a group of students & Barbara on the other), we would follow up with brief supervision meetings. I was nervous, as I always was with Barbara behind the one way, she could require you to justify why you did anything you did in session. She walked away & said, " I have nothing to say." I was confused, oh yeah, I spent a good deal of time confused, just one of many spots on the road to growth. Pats on the back were not handed out, but not needing to go over a session, that was about as good as it got, (I was told by a more experienced student.) I had spent four years challenged, confronted, supported and respected. & I had the time of my life.
After I graduated, I was able to have Barbara continue to supervise me. It was such a blessing. She was this first person I told I was pregnant, and the one I told about my ambivalence of being pregnant. She responded," I expect nothing but complete honesty from you, you are incapable of anything else. Most women would not want to admit that." And after 28 years of being told I was supposed to be " Nice" Barbara, indirectly, helped me find my inner bitch, and assured me every woman should have control over hers as a very necessary part of oneself. She met my boys, I know they will never remember, I wanted her to see them. And them to be near the woman who made me a better mother than I could have ever hoped to be without knowing her.
After I stopped working I kept in touch via Christmas cards & emails. And a yearly thank you note I would send after I attended yet another conference that taught me just how much she already taught me. She was always there when I needed words of wisdom, support or a reality check. She seemed to always be there at challenging times of my life. She read a tribute I wrote about my grandmother after she passed away, and said, she can only hope someone would have such wonderful things to say about her at her time. I can't hope to effect the thousand's of people Barbara's life effected, but I will try for hundreds, in her honor.
And last Thursday, when my 8 am client said about a challenging conversation, " & I heard your voice in my head". I smile knowingly. I am blessed to have Barbara's voice in my head, I hope to have a spec of her wisdom in my brain, and a portion of her ability to love in my heart. And when I am feeling a little sloppy as therapist, I pretend I have to justify my every move to her, and she makes me a better person.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Calling Red Tenters
I know a lot of you read this, but don't follow it or comment on it. Good thing there is a counter & I know close to 8000 reader's have checked out what I write. My brother's would assume I keep reading myself over & over again to drive up the numbers. But I know you are out there, so I am looking for help, and it was too much to put in a comment on Facebook.
A dear friend of mine, after 18 years of raising her son, told me , upon the moment of release at college, "I had nothing, 18 years of raising him; this is the moment, sending him off to the world, & I was blank. So I hugged him and said, "Be good". " BE GOOD! that's all I could come up with. Then I cried the whole way home."
Ice ran through my veins. I've already imagined Nick driving and Michael keeping me in constant supply of puffs as we drive back from the drop off, but I hadn't considered the " MOMENT". I don't have a lot of Momisms for the kids to live by. There's not gonna be " My momma always said.." except for a favorite spanish idiom that the kids swear does not mean what I told them it meant. " Aunque le mone se vista de seda, mona se queda". It is a huge stress reliever when said with real emotion, even if it means nothing.
I decided I am going to prepare. I am going to give that highly charged emotional moment its proper due.So I am going to thank him for the ride. And I have decided there's not just one comment I can leave him with, so I am making a full calendar for him. If your mom or dad gave you a gem of wisdom, please leave the comment for me, I plan on filling everyday in his freshman year.
Jane's been sending me some. Please add your thoughts!
A dear friend of mine, after 18 years of raising her son, told me , upon the moment of release at college, "I had nothing, 18 years of raising him; this is the moment, sending him off to the world, & I was blank. So I hugged him and said, "Be good". " BE GOOD! that's all I could come up with. Then I cried the whole way home."
Ice ran through my veins. I've already imagined Nick driving and Michael keeping me in constant supply of puffs as we drive back from the drop off, but I hadn't considered the " MOMENT". I don't have a lot of Momisms for the kids to live by. There's not gonna be " My momma always said.." except for a favorite spanish idiom that the kids swear does not mean what I told them it meant. " Aunque le mone se vista de seda, mona se queda". It is a huge stress reliever when said with real emotion, even if it means nothing.
I decided I am going to prepare. I am going to give that highly charged emotional moment its proper due.So I am going to thank him for the ride. And I have decided there's not just one comment I can leave him with, so I am making a full calendar for him. If your mom or dad gave you a gem of wisdom, please leave the comment for me, I plan on filling everyday in his freshman year.
Jane's been sending me some. Please add your thoughts!Monday, April 30, 2012
WWYD?
So this whole it takes a village thing. I love it, I believe in it, and I am wondering to what extent it goes. What would you do?
One of my son's friends was given alcohol, which he showed to my son. OK, I am going light , he brought it, with my son's permission, over. Luckily they decided not to partake & were discovered, cause my kids are pretty bad at being bad. His father & I handled our son, and after my encouragement, his father made sure the other family was made aware of their child's actions. I would want to know.
Dear Newtownians,
If you see any of the Roche children step over the line, feel free to both reprimand them, & then PLEASE call me.
Thanks,
Cathy
But what about the older teen who gave my son's friend the alcohol. I want that name. I want his/her parents to know. I want to assume, they would want to know that their kid gave alcohol to a 14 year old.
My son's friend is clammed up, but he'll want to come over sooner or later and he will have to look me in the eye, I'm thinking I can get it out of him, but should I?
If I don't I feel like I am part of the turn your head & look the other way society. If I do.....I risk being seen as an even worse "that Mom" than the kids already see me as. & rippled social effects on my kids.
Thoughts???
Sorry no pictures, not feel it tonight.
One of my son's friends was given alcohol, which he showed to my son. OK, I am going light , he brought it, with my son's permission, over. Luckily they decided not to partake & were discovered, cause my kids are pretty bad at being bad. His father & I handled our son, and after my encouragement, his father made sure the other family was made aware of their child's actions. I would want to know.
Dear Newtownians,
If you see any of the Roche children step over the line, feel free to both reprimand them, & then PLEASE call me.
Thanks,
Cathy
But what about the older teen who gave my son's friend the alcohol. I want that name. I want his/her parents to know. I want to assume, they would want to know that their kid gave alcohol to a 14 year old.
My son's friend is clammed up, but he'll want to come over sooner or later and he will have to look me in the eye, I'm thinking I can get it out of him, but should I?
If I don't I feel like I am part of the turn your head & look the other way society. If I do.....I risk being seen as an even worse "that Mom" than the kids already see me as. & rippled social effects on my kids.
Thoughts???
Sorry no pictures, not feel it tonight.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Wonders of the world
This has simply been one of the best vacations of my life. Except for the sibling rivalry which apparently came with our carry-ons, and started on the the plane when #3 did not get the window seat he wanted. & #1 thought he was fair game to use as their joint pillow. Luckily my ditziness tends to keep their focus elsewhere ( like their own personal safety) most of the time. This trip started with me misplacing my car keys in the JFK parking lot at 4:30 in the morning. We dumped every bag I handled in order to find them. Which made us late, way late like, as the nice flight attendant said to me as I ran onto the place " You almost lost your seat", I glanced back to a family of four eying me like hyenas at the watering hole. The door shut behind my rushing ass. not a good sign.
But we got here and packed so much into a week. When my kids were little I was discouraged that they did not enjoy the beach as I did, well, no longer true. Yeah! And we hiked ( and they didn't complain) 45 minutes straight up ( and they didn't complain) and they saved Michael from non fatal or potential drowning, yet they reached out their arms to him, and that counts as something. And we Zip lined, and saw Flamenco dancers, we did not died in a car accident, which is nothing short of a miracle they way these people drive.
We kayaked, in the dark, with only glow bracelets showing the way, under trees with thick branches jutting out, and we didn't kill each other. And my kids saw family dynamics first hand in our fellow passengers, and had thoughful comments " Why would you spend the money to do something like this drunk out of your head? What a waste of money, they won't even remember it!"
And the stoic Alex talked a lot, and smile, and sang & for a little while I had my boy back, before school takes him away, and then college really takes him away. & they walked with their arms around me, and we had conversations about politics and morals, and health & sexuality ( & once again I am saying Newtown School system, you give them too much information when they are too young to process it!, by virtue of the conversation he had at dinner the other night.)
And then there was the best line of the week, as I missed the exit to our hotel and was struggling to find our way back. Nick says" Oh I recognize this place!" " You do? I ask, hopefully. " Yeah," he says, " it's called Lost, we've been here a thousand times before."
And while I missed my friends and was at times frustrated with the boys, I am sure when I am away with my friends in a few weeks, I will wish my boys were with me again.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Still waters run deep
And then, and then out of know where he says something that lets me know, in that head of his, he is paying attention. He is putting things together. He is going to be OK, and I am relieved.
#3 was having some issues at school. The regular who is "in" and who is "out" stuff everyone ages 11-14 painfully deals with. I of course ( internally) respond most inappropriately wanting to coddle my baby, and physically harm those who have scorned him. ( It is all internal folks. trust me) Externally I have him list ALL the kids he likes, not just the 6 who turned their backs on him this week, and he hopefully sees the world is bigger than these boys, this school, this town etc...But inside I still hurt for for him.
I also, being a systems therapist, look at how he is treated by his big brothers and see how being left out is a position he has become accustom to, and is perhaps unknowingly recreating for himself, but I digress. In talking to #1 about the current issue and asking him about his own experiences he simply says, " He ( #3) is telling himself he is not as good as them just because they did this. You have to choose your own attitude."
This is not one of my sayings. I have sayings, a few, but this is not one of them, and I am so impressed with #1 I almost do something as foolish as throw my arms around the timid creature, but I know if I want him within my general vicinity at all I must proceed with caution. So I gently slap his leg in glee and ask him where he got that from. He just shrugs his shoulders (the typical adolescent response to anything from, Where's your pants? to How did the dent get in the car?)
Maybe he won't starve to death in college after all.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
HE smiled at me.
It's Prom season in Newtown. And this is not the Prom's of the 80's. Just logistically it is so very different. Rare is the Junior who has had his license long enough to drive his date. Plus with the 11 pm car curfew, I am confident there won't be groups of kids camping out at Compo beach overnight like back in the day. ( I was the 4th kid, my parents were tired)
So these teens have the ever classy bus to drive them to their destination with Mom & Dad providing the driving too and from. I'm not complaining, I am sure there will be far less drinking & driving, & other activities teens like to engage in ( or at least that is what I am telling myself.)
Another change is it is no longer "The Junior Prom" it's just called PROM. & the class doesn't spend money sending out invitation that have been picked & designed by the class officers, (secretly also mentally preparing for their weddings) You just simply go and buy your tickets. Rather anticlimactic. I don't even know if there's a Prom theme, or if they will be getting those tacky engraved glasses we gave out. Perhaps this is a more eco-friendly time. How many prom glasses have made their way to dumps after bouncing through tag sales?
Also different is how the asking goes. Apparently THIS is the big deal, the way to express the individuality taken by the restraints placed on the students. I have heard of a scavenger hunt, a T-Shirt laden group of minions propose at a local basketball game. I was thrilled to be asked for ideas by #1.
He asked me how I was asked. It was unceremonious but exciting each time. We ran through a few different possible scenarios the weekend before Valentines day, knowing V-Day would be the day of the asking. Settled on a Valentine Pez dispenser where a candy was replaced by a note with the word "Prom?" on it. He had to feign inability when his date to be asked him to do a forward flip on her trampoline for fear it would fall out of his pocket prematurely. It must have been hard for him not to display his physical prowess, for fear of exposure. Ultimately the deed was done.
We've been fighting about whether or not moms of the males are allowed at the group picture taking session. He insists it's a moms of females only thing. I have no idea where he gets his ideas from but this is the same kid who, a mere 4 weeks ago asked me if we owned a cutting board and skillet. I insist if I don't go, he will be mad at himself for the rest of his life because I will remind of it for the rest of his life.
I did get to take him for his Tux. After introducing him to the salesman, I stepped back & let them get the male type work done. Until, until he put on the jacket, and stepped in front of the mirror. And he turned to me, and smiled.
So these teens have the ever classy bus to drive them to their destination with Mom & Dad providing the driving too and from. I'm not complaining, I am sure there will be far less drinking & driving, & other activities teens like to engage in ( or at least that is what I am telling myself.)
Another change is it is no longer "The Junior Prom" it's just called PROM. & the class doesn't spend money sending out invitation that have been picked & designed by the class officers, (secretly also mentally preparing for their weddings) You just simply go and buy your tickets. Rather anticlimactic. I don't even know if there's a Prom theme, or if they will be getting those tacky engraved glasses we gave out. Perhaps this is a more eco-friendly time. How many prom glasses have made their way to dumps after bouncing through tag sales?
Also different is how the asking goes. Apparently THIS is the big deal, the way to express the individuality taken by the restraints placed on the students. I have heard of a scavenger hunt, a T-Shirt laden group of minions propose at a local basketball game. I was thrilled to be asked for ideas by #1.
He asked me how I was asked. It was unceremonious but exciting each time. We ran through a few different possible scenarios the weekend before Valentines day, knowing V-Day would be the day of the asking. Settled on a Valentine Pez dispenser where a candy was replaced by a note with the word "Prom?" on it. He had to feign inability when his date to be asked him to do a forward flip on her trampoline for fear it would fall out of his pocket prematurely. It must have been hard for him not to display his physical prowess, for fear of exposure. Ultimately the deed was done.
We've been fighting about whether or not moms of the males are allowed at the group picture taking session. He insists it's a moms of females only thing. I have no idea where he gets his ideas from but this is the same kid who, a mere 4 weeks ago asked me if we owned a cutting board and skillet. I insist if I don't go, he will be mad at himself for the rest of his life because I will remind of it for the rest of his life.
I did get to take him for his Tux. After introducing him to the salesman, I stepped back & let them get the male type work done. Until, until he put on the jacket, and stepped in front of the mirror. And he turned to me, and smiled.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Old Souls New Souls
I was raised Catholic but since my late teens, for a variety of reasons, have not settled in one religion. For a while, when the kids were young, we were members of the Unitarian Church. It was mostly because of the minister, warmth exuded from her and she officiated the " Welcoming" or my first son. She left and another pastor, who did not exude the same warmth, but officiated for the other two took over, then we moved. We tried a few other places of worship, none that have grabbed my commitment. This is not to say I am not spiritual. I talk to God daily. Mostly when he lovingly wakes me up a moment before the alarm goes off, and sometimes when I forget to set the alarm, he wakes me up in time to make sure the kids aren't late I truly appreciate that. And the sunrise out my bedroom window, and many other blessing, such as my kids' health etc. I certainly like the idea of Heaven, that I will again see those I love and have lost. I haven't figured out how reincarnation fits into all this, but I have to believe it does.
Clearly there are old and new souls in the world. Nick, for example, I am pretty sure was Elvis. At 3 he had the whole lip and pelvis thing going. Now you tell me, how? Who has that down at three? He certainly wasn't exposed to it on Sesame Street, Arthur, or Blue's Clues. Yet, there he was lip quivering and pelvis gyrating whenever I brought the video camera out. Plus his wisdom is way beyond his years, his social finesse..yeah he's been here before.
Then there's Alex, well, I am pretty sure he's a new soul. Which, while providing loads of dinner time chuckles, makes me a bit more protective and concerned for him. Here's an example: While dealing with the power outages last fall, he walked into the garage & exasperatedly asked " whose's brilliant idea was it to leave the cars in the garage? Now we can't get them out!" Now this could be explained by lack of "prior knowledge", that's a big term they use in school these days, it's about what YOU the student already bring to the academic table, and as bright as my #1 is ( seriously he has a 4.0) he's a little short in this area. And I can only blame it on him being a first timer here on earth.
He had an assignment in 5th grade, ( which I thought was horrible) he had to write what he would do if he came downstairs one morning and found a note from his parents that they had left, and would be backed at some time in the future, some money would hypothetically left on the counter as well.( really who does that to a ten year old?) Alex's essay was about how he would hold up in his bedroom & wait, or die which ever came first...7 years later I'm not real sure his answer would be much better. Except he'd play that swearing rap crap really loud in the whole house.
Last week he had to make dinner for his Culinary class. " Do we have a skillet?" he asks, " Um really?" I think. I show him the skillet, on the stove, that he has watched me make tacos, meat sauce, fried chicken, chicken stir-fry, eggs etc in for years. A few minutes later he asks me, " Do we have a cutting board/?" I just hug him. It's not his fault he's a first timer.
Michael is a different story all together. He possesses a spiritual quality that is impossible to describe until you experience it, so I think he is pretty far along the reincarnation scale. He has a wisdom of the ages, and is a moral compass of love that puts me to shame at times. What the poor soul did to end up as the youngest in this family is beyond me.
Then there's Alex, well, I am pretty sure he's a new soul. Which, while providing loads of dinner time chuckles, makes me a bit more protective and concerned for him. Here's an example: While dealing with the power outages last fall, he walked into the garage & exasperatedly asked " whose's brilliant idea was it to leave the cars in the garage? Now we can't get them out!" Now this could be explained by lack of "prior knowledge", that's a big term they use in school these days, it's about what YOU the student already bring to the academic table, and as bright as my #1 is ( seriously he has a 4.0) he's a little short in this area. And I can only blame it on him being a first timer here on earth.
He had an assignment in 5th grade, ( which I thought was horrible) he had to write what he would do if he came downstairs one morning and found a note from his parents that they had left, and would be backed at some time in the future, some money would hypothetically left on the counter as well.( really who does that to a ten year old?) Alex's essay was about how he would hold up in his bedroom & wait, or die which ever came first...7 years later I'm not real sure his answer would be much better. Except he'd play that swearing rap crap really loud in the whole house.
Last week he had to make dinner for his Culinary class. " Do we have a skillet?" he asks, " Um really?" I think. I show him the skillet, on the stove, that he has watched me make tacos, meat sauce, fried chicken, chicken stir-fry, eggs etc in for years. A few minutes later he asks me, " Do we have a cutting board/?" I just hug him. It's not his fault he's a first timer.
Michael is a different story all together. He possesses a spiritual quality that is impossible to describe until you experience it, so I think he is pretty far along the reincarnation scale. He has a wisdom of the ages, and is a moral compass of love that puts me to shame at times. What the poor soul did to end up as the youngest in this family is beyond me.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The gifts
For several years (26 to be exact) our Christmas present had to match a certain letter of the alphabet. What you wanted was not exactly relevant, only if it matched her preordained sense of order. It was fun sometimes.,My brother Sean & I overtly competed for the coolest stocking stuffer following her rules. And the Z year was the first time I ever bought a " Zero" candy bar. God forbid you needed underwear any time other than the 21st year, it would not be coming your way. I am pretty sure the tree trunk was fairly bare during the x year.
Once mom finished her plan, she was left to her own devices. During that time my vegetarian sister-in law received cow PJ's complete with an udder and hoofed socks. I never clearly followed her thought process.
In 2010, following the death of her mother, mom got busy wrapping tons, literally tons, of little things for the bunch of us. The grandkids were given personalized Navy sized duffle bags filled with ~ well stuff. The guys were given 5 gallons buckets also filled with stuff( apparently fairly useful) and the women, a gift bag filled with , well~ things. Lets just say I trotted that bag out at more than one party looking for someone to try to help me make sense of the collection of zip lock bagged Chinese restaurant mints, fridge magnets, ceramic scary smiley faced flowers, neon colored light up floaty flowers a scrubby sponge, Pam, chachka etc etc etc.
My 6 year old Goddaughter found several things she was delighted with.
This year I came home one day to a box of mini cheese from Swiss Colony. The creation above was done by my niece Mikayla. She made an igloo with some other squeeze cheese that was in the box. I also received a black crew neck sweatshirt that reads Moms Of Marvelous Sons. that I threatened to wear to my kids sporting events if they don't behave.
And I know, all of her gifts come from the heart,and from a catalog that should be banned.
And I also know, my true gift from my mother, is the gift I have for my own children, loving them with all my heart, always. She loves me when I am funny, and needy and bitchy and down. She loves me when I don't feel loveable,and when I am on top of the world. She listens whenever I call and even though she NEVER reads this blog, is my biggest fan.
So bring on the dollar store presents and the tacky sweatshirts. I will lovingly wear them to bed at night and think of your love surrounding me, keeping me warm.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I'm at war
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| My God Daughter Alex & Michael |
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| My Elf NIck, Alex, avoiding a direct face camera shot |
But I am trying to fight the good fight. Trying to make sure we eat dinner together more often than not, atleast for the 15 minutes I can get them to sit down. We are planing a holiday outing for this weekend. But do I have to kidnap them and take them out of state for us all to be together?
So where does this time go? For my part I am happy to say my practice is busier than ever, so some time in the evening goes there. Mostly though it's homework. and studying and I don't know. I just want to yell " Stop".
So I am changing my Christmas list, all I want for Christmas is time with my kids, sitting by the tree, playing some board games, Just being with each other, that's all, and um if they can not try to kill each other, that would be AWESOME. But I don't want to be greedy.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Don't mess with mother's instinct
So, I have been waiting for this to happen, the innocence of adolescence to have it's inevitable break-off into rebellion. For as much as #1 takes his space, he does (did) always stay in between the lines. Until last night. & I had a feeling... Gotta love Mother's instinct. It warns, it protects. It teaches you the silence you sometimes hear is a cry for help, tells you to go back home, even though it doesn't make sense to, and draws on the deep connection between parent & child. So last night, when he was around me, and his energy was a buzz, I had a feeling, and I did nothing. It has to happen, I cannot control all, nor should I, so I did nothing.
What I uncovered was an elaborate web of attempted deceit. Bill was allegedly slept at Mark's, Mark allegedly slept at Brian's, Brian was supposed to be at Robert's etc. The result was a large amount of angered parents, in disbelief, at this man hunt for my son, and then their own. One mom went to check bed's to see if maybe someone was there. But no such luck. & at the same time- classic
But this morning, when the feeling was still there I cruised by the house he was supposed to have been at- no car, then his regular sleep-over haunts, after each one, no car. Then I called his dad. He confessed to me later, he initially thought I was crazy for driving by all the houses. I could have called #1- but I knew he would not be up. So instead I called the parents of all the regulars.
What I uncovered was an elaborate web of attempted deceit. Bill was allegedly slept at Mark's, Mark allegedly slept at Brian's, Brian was supposed to be at Robert's etc. The result was a large amount of angered parents, in disbelief, at this man hunt for my son, and then their own. One mom went to check bed's to see if maybe someone was there. But no such luck. & at the same time- classicSo the next step was finding him. He was where he usually is, at NYA working out, or on his way there. He knew, when he picked up the phone & I said, " stay where you are I am on my way". The gig was up. His Dad beat me there, and I arrived to a shaking, pacing teenager, and his dad standing in the parking lot. There had been a party they wanted to go to. He thought I'd have said "NO", apparently the entire friend group decided their parents would say "no" so instead of giving us a chance, they took matters into their own hands and lied. On top of it, he drove, w/ people in the car. I think I was most upset about his lack of giving me a chance.
So consequences have been handed out. Hugs and apologies made. & I am sure I have sprouted a gray hair or two this morning. And we add another thread to this complicated quilt of our relationship and lives together. & mostly I thank God it took until he was 16 1/2 before anything like this has happened & I had the trust in my gut instinct to risk looking like a fool as I drove all over town searching for him.
Thank God for the village-
Nick's response to the whole thing;" He should have parked his car at the house he told you he was going to be at then gotten a ride to the party." - I think I am in trouble with that one.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Imagine
I spoke to another therapist this morning, an old supervisee. She needed confirmation of the hours I spent supervising her (I was supposed to keep that?) Luckily she has that. We commiserated about parenting teens. Her daughter was just entering what we referred to as " the dark ages" and she was blown away when I told her I have the three all in the midst. We talked about how thankless the job is, how lonely it can feel, especially when you are a single mom, how emotionally painful it truly can be. And mostly we laughed at the insanity of it all.
About how asking my son one simply question results in a screaming " Why are you interrogating me?"
Or when a slight adjustment in my tone is met with "You don't have to freak out about it mom!" or
"Mom's freaking out about it"- they like saying that-collectively as if we are at war & I am the crazy one.
Luckily,? Nick has seen me in all out freak-out mode, Once- I opened a can of Costco sized Whoop Ass on him, and it had as much potency as can of Redi-whip. But it does serve as a marker, so when I am accused of '"Freaking Out" I can just turn to Nick, who lowers his head, or smirks and says, " Nope, um, no that is NOT her freaking out." & I feel validated by that, in a strange way.
So my friend shared how she would pay a taxi to take her daughter to the airport rather then endure the 30 minutes of berating and character assassination her daughter liked to load on her during car rides.
She told me of the moment she "knew". She was in the shower & her daughter stormed in the bathroom waving a shirt & screaming about it having been discolored in the wash. She informed her daughter of the obvious " Well I am taking a shower right now and we will discuss this when I am done in a few minutes."
When she went down the hall, dry and dressed, to speak with her daughter, her daughter was singing and dancing around the room, and greeted her with a cheerful " Hi mom". It was at this moment, she knew she wasn't in Kansas anymore.
I remember my moment also, I recall walking into MY office, while Alex was working on MY computer and asking him a question about his plans. I was met with the Teenage Anthem for the first time. " Mom, it's my life, back off". I believe he was 13 at the time also. I have to say, I covered my mouth so he would not see the smile. I know that is NOT the appropriate reaction for the Teen Declaration of Independence. but it was my first time, & I was naively excited for my overly obedient child to develop some chops.
She asked me how I get through it. I gave props to my Red Tent crew. I have the oldest kids of us all, so mostly they just nod and coo at my pain and suffering. The know their turn is coming. What I like best is how non-judgemental they are, and how when I am referring to my kids in less than favorable terms, they laugh and say, " I wonder what they would think if they knew you called them that." Especially me who, in my friend group, is the Mary Poppins of swears. It's the laughing that's the best part. The laughing that gets me through.
Like this morning, when I mentioned to Alex I was starting a detox program next week. And he said, "Oh are you getting rid of all the wrinkles in your face?" and you know I didn't even throw something at him, so I say "Yeah me." and laugh- he was thinking Botox, so that's good, I guess.
About how asking my son one simply question results in a screaming " Why are you interrogating me?"
Or when a slight adjustment in my tone is met with "You don't have to freak out about it mom!" or
"Mom's freaking out about it"- they like saying that-collectively as if we are at war & I am the crazy one.
Luckily,? Nick has seen me in all out freak-out mode, Once- I opened a can of Costco sized Whoop Ass on him, and it had as much potency as can of Redi-whip. But it does serve as a marker, so when I am accused of '"Freaking Out" I can just turn to Nick, who lowers his head, or smirks and says, " Nope, um, no that is NOT her freaking out." & I feel validated by that, in a strange way.
So my friend shared how she would pay a taxi to take her daughter to the airport rather then endure the 30 minutes of berating and character assassination her daughter liked to load on her during car rides.
She told me of the moment she "knew". She was in the shower & her daughter stormed in the bathroom waving a shirt & screaming about it having been discolored in the wash. She informed her daughter of the obvious " Well I am taking a shower right now and we will discuss this when I am done in a few minutes."
When she went down the hall, dry and dressed, to speak with her daughter, her daughter was singing and dancing around the room, and greeted her with a cheerful " Hi mom". It was at this moment, she knew she wasn't in Kansas anymore.
I remember my moment also, I recall walking into MY office, while Alex was working on MY computer and asking him a question about his plans. I was met with the Teenage Anthem for the first time. " Mom, it's my life, back off". I believe he was 13 at the time also. I have to say, I covered my mouth so he would not see the smile. I know that is NOT the appropriate reaction for the Teen Declaration of Independence. but it was my first time, & I was naively excited for my overly obedient child to develop some chops.
She asked me how I get through it. I gave props to my Red Tent crew. I have the oldest kids of us all, so mostly they just nod and coo at my pain and suffering. The know their turn is coming. What I like best is how non-judgemental they are, and how when I am referring to my kids in less than favorable terms, they laugh and say, " I wonder what they would think if they knew you called them that." Especially me who, in my friend group, is the Mary Poppins of swears. It's the laughing that's the best part. The laughing that gets me through.
Like this morning, when I mentioned to Alex I was starting a detox program next week. And he said, "Oh are you getting rid of all the wrinkles in your face?" and you know I didn't even throw something at him, so I say "Yeah me." and laugh- he was thinking Botox, so that's good, I guess.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Unexpected losses of the week
So I have thrown out my share of food, I have had clients not show, and they couldn't call to tell me. I expected this much. My son broke up with his girlfriend of a year, I did not expect that, nor did I expect how sad I am over it.
My mom warned me. She told me after my oldest brother ( still unmarried and facing half a century) brought girl after girl home, a different one to each of his siblings weddings, some longer term than others, she told me, "Don't get attached, it'll break your heart." She was particularly fond of one named Livy who was from Stamford. I think they were together for about a year. I also think Livy was married a year or so after she & my bro broke up.
Anyway, I get attached to their friends. Matt is like a fourth son, who I check on occasionally even when Nick is not hanging out with him, and use his full Christian name when I need to reprimand him. and now apparently to I will be doomed to getting attached to their girlfriends. He apparently picked a good one. She offered so much more then the much needed estrogen boost in my house. She is a lovely girl with a good heart and an easy going nature.She was not rattled by the crazy testosterone filled house I run. She, being female, understood my perspective on most things. It was nice to have some female back-up.
There's no place for my sadness.
My son made his decision based on his experiences and his understanding of his own needs. Neither of which I am privy to entirely. & my job is clearly to support him listening to his own voice and making decisions for himself.
I did express my extreme unhappiness with the whole Facebook relationship status thing, and his friends
" liking" his new single status. I made him take that down. He saw what I was saying after first protesting how much I "don't understand that it was just a joke" There are some teenage boy jokes I do not find funny.This was one of them.
I hope to teach him to be respectful, even when a decision is made to end a relationship. Especially when there was no fault to it ending.
I am sure I will see her around, and feel an overwhelming desire to hug her and take away the pain. I so clearly remember my first serious relationship break up, and the entire weekend I spent crying on my friend Terri's couch over Kenny. And how hard it was going back to school the next year and seeing him in the hall.
I guess that's what's easier about adult relationships breaking up, you don't have to run into that person.
I know he is hurting to, it was a hard decision, and he is not a kid who lightly hurts others ( except his brother). But this blog is not about him, it's about me.
As much as I didn't even want my kids to date until they had their college acceptance letter in hand, & I certainly wanted them to date multiple people to learn about themselves and have a lot of life experiences before finding just one. I reallllly liked this girl. and I will miss her.
My mom warned me. She told me after my oldest brother ( still unmarried and facing half a century) brought girl after girl home, a different one to each of his siblings weddings, some longer term than others, she told me, "Don't get attached, it'll break your heart." She was particularly fond of one named Livy who was from Stamford. I think they were together for about a year. I also think Livy was married a year or so after she & my bro broke up.
Anyway, I get attached to their friends. Matt is like a fourth son, who I check on occasionally even when Nick is not hanging out with him, and use his full Christian name when I need to reprimand him. and now apparently to I will be doomed to getting attached to their girlfriends. He apparently picked a good one. She offered so much more then the much needed estrogen boost in my house. She is a lovely girl with a good heart and an easy going nature.She was not rattled by the crazy testosterone filled house I run. She, being female, understood my perspective on most things. It was nice to have some female back-up.
There's no place for my sadness.
My son made his decision based on his experiences and his understanding of his own needs. Neither of which I am privy to entirely. & my job is clearly to support him listening to his own voice and making decisions for himself.
I did express my extreme unhappiness with the whole Facebook relationship status thing, and his friends
" liking" his new single status. I made him take that down. He saw what I was saying after first protesting how much I "don't understand that it was just a joke" There are some teenage boy jokes I do not find funny.This was one of them.
I hope to teach him to be respectful, even when a decision is made to end a relationship. Especially when there was no fault to it ending.
I am sure I will see her around, and feel an overwhelming desire to hug her and take away the pain. I so clearly remember my first serious relationship break up, and the entire weekend I spent crying on my friend Terri's couch over Kenny. And how hard it was going back to school the next year and seeing him in the hall.
I guess that's what's easier about adult relationships breaking up, you don't have to run into that person.
I know he is hurting to, it was a hard decision, and he is not a kid who lightly hurts others ( except his brother). But this blog is not about him, it's about me.
As much as I didn't even want my kids to date until they had their college acceptance letter in hand, & I certainly wanted them to date multiple people to learn about themselves and have a lot of life experiences before finding just one. I reallllly liked this girl. and I will miss her.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Parenting through fear or love?
"Mom you mean because this generation talks to their kids more than yours did? Cause we'd get hit first and asked questions later? " And sometimes hit with a belt for just being in the general area of the mishap.
"Yeah, I'm not sure it's working" Sometimes I think she forgets what I do for a living.
"So Mom, because some parents have tried to not shame their children for child-like behavior, you think we are all parenting wrong? Is it possible the adults who were those kids who got hit first and questioned later didn't like that parenting method?"
" Well in my generation" I have to admit I interrupted this one "You got hit and no questions later?"
" No" she said, "we didn't do it because we were told not to" So somehow, magically, at 2, 3 & 4 years old children of two generations ago had a far superior sense of self control and logic? Or did they know they'd get hit if they did something wrong? And where did that lead them?
We have had the conversation many times over of raising kids through fear or through mutual respect. She'd criticize me frequently for not applying some " psychology to the seat of their pants", when the boys were small.
I agreed with her, that I see in my practice some parents, who, not wanting to repeat what was done to them, shift the balance to allowing the child too much power, which is as damaging as not considering them enough, and again stated, " While I know the jury is out on my own parenting for another 20 years, I am comfortable with having three straight A students who seem basically kind, are interested in eating health & exercising "
What I didn't say was, at 16, 14, and 13, to my knowledge, my kids have not gotten involved with drugs, alcohol, have not had depression , anxiety or issues stealing, and I am fairly confident no one is sexually active, all of which is more than I can say for her children at those ages.
So, yes the jury is out, and I know as a future grandma I will need to bite my tongue a million times over regarding what I think is the best way to raise children ( PLEASE breastfeed & one of you stay home with them for the first two years!!!)- but it'll be none of my business.
I hope the old adage of " you do the best with what you know at the time, and when you know more, you do better" holds. Here's to learning more about child development, and bonding, human interaction.
Monday, August 8, 2011
And I had been doing so well on my diet today
Momma says " If you want to play with the air soft guns, you must wear your helmet!" Why does momma say this? Cause she wants to be difficult? Make you look uncool? Take all the fun out of everything? To make you sweat even more on these hot August days?
Nope, Momma says this because, selfishly, she feels pain when she hears you cry, or worries about you while she is trying to work, she doesn't want to take you to two Doctors and have to cancel clients, then make room in her overbooked schedule for daily Dr appointments until the blood dissipates from inside your eyeball.
Cause she is basically selfish I guess. Let's not talk about the co-pays and gas and oh yeah, You could have cause serious PERMANENT DAMAGE! My shoulders ache from the stress of the day & I am on a hunt for some chocolate. And I had done really well on the healthy eating today.
To be fair, he was coming inside to get the helmets, when his buddy took the shot at him ( thinking the gun was empty) Never in a million years could this child have planned on lodging a plastic pellet in my son's eye socket, but he did. They were like pirates who found the treasure chest when they excitedly told me that what I thought was swelling under his eye from early reports of getting hit there, was actually a pellet that had been swallowed up by the eye lid. They were truly as proud as any boy would be at first, proving mom wrong "You were wrong mom, that swelling you thought I had actually was the pellet pushing my skin out, I pushed it up and it popped out. It's on the floor in the basement" ( great kid, one point for you) Thinking the crisis had been handled, life went on, until the real pain set in. a whole 15 minutes later, 4 minutes before my next client arrived.
Long & short, scratched corneas, while painful, apparently heal overnight. And he will have to get reconditioned for football again, as he is most likely out for the rest of this week. I am pretty sure he will forever wear his helmet, and his brothers too, and any of his team mates on the football team. It takes someone taking a hit, before we parents hold a level of credibility in our kids eyes.
Alex goes for his driver's test on Thursday. Any hints on helping him believe that he too is mortal?
Nope, Momma says this because, selfishly, she feels pain when she hears you cry, or worries about you while she is trying to work, she doesn't want to take you to two Doctors and have to cancel clients, then make room in her overbooked schedule for daily Dr appointments until the blood dissipates from inside your eyeball.
Cause she is basically selfish I guess. Let's not talk about the co-pays and gas and oh yeah, You could have cause serious PERMANENT DAMAGE! My shoulders ache from the stress of the day & I am on a hunt for some chocolate. And I had done really well on the healthy eating today.
To be fair, he was coming inside to get the helmets, when his buddy took the shot at him ( thinking the gun was empty) Never in a million years could this child have planned on lodging a plastic pellet in my son's eye socket, but he did. They were like pirates who found the treasure chest when they excitedly told me that what I thought was swelling under his eye from early reports of getting hit there, was actually a pellet that had been swallowed up by the eye lid. They were truly as proud as any boy would be at first, proving mom wrong "You were wrong mom, that swelling you thought I had actually was the pellet pushing my skin out, I pushed it up and it popped out. It's on the floor in the basement" ( great kid, one point for you) Thinking the crisis had been handled, life went on, until the real pain set in. a whole 15 minutes later, 4 minutes before my next client arrived.
Long & short, scratched corneas, while painful, apparently heal overnight. And he will have to get reconditioned for football again, as he is most likely out for the rest of this week. I am pretty sure he will forever wear his helmet, and his brothers too, and any of his team mates on the football team. It takes someone taking a hit, before we parents hold a level of credibility in our kids eyes.
Alex goes for his driver's test on Thursday. Any hints on helping him believe that he too is mortal?
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Shhhhh! Please do NOT repeat these!
I am only doing this because the kids swear they do not read my blog. But this stuff is PRICELESS!!
Kind of a litmus test for knowing you child still needs you to help navigate their way a bit.
1. We are in P-town on Friday evening. The local bank is "Seaman's Bank". now you & I know why it is called that, but with the sexually charged town, with testosterone filled boys, you know where they went with it. As I tried to convince my youngest that it's meaning was for fisherman, he came back to me with, " MOM, no, they did that on purpose"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
" Underneath the name, it says F' dick. They shouldn't do that, it's a bank."
I will admit I was perplexed for a moment and asked him to show me what he was talking about. He walked me to the sign, and sure enough,
under Seaman Bank it says FDIC.
2. A child tells me he wants ice cream. I hand him 5 singles. After making his selection he turns to me and hands me 4 back. I look quizzically at him, and the sign trying to find out what this bargain of the year was in P-town, where you can't get a single scoop without breaking a Lincoln. I ask, he points to a waffle cone in a display case that has a sticker on it that reads 75 cents. Oh if the world were only so sweet. I hand him back the 4 dollars. He gets it.
3. We are eating at some outdoor type food court. Not wanting to walk 6 boys to individual stalls to order their various meals, I become a flurry of handing out 10's & 20's. One takes a ten, but is slow to order anything. He as actually walking in circles, while everyone else was sitting down. I approached him and asked if he had found anything he like. He a said he did, but he was not going to buy it because it was a rip off. "What do you mean?" I asked. He says, "What I want costs $5 but they are going to charge me $10, so I am not buying it." Again, I am saying "show me". We walk into the store and this lovely money conscious child points to the sign at the register that reads " Minimum charge $10".-
aside from giving me moments of extreme, albiet private, laughter, these incidents were a reminder of the innocence, and the work yet in front of me.
Kind of a litmus test for knowing you child still needs you to help navigate their way a bit.
1. We are in P-town on Friday evening. The local bank is "Seaman's Bank". now you & I know why it is called that, but with the sexually charged town, with testosterone filled boys, you know where they went with it. As I tried to convince my youngest that it's meaning was for fisherman, he came back to me with, " MOM, no, they did that on purpose"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
" Underneath the name, it says F' dick. They shouldn't do that, it's a bank."
I will admit I was perplexed for a moment and asked him to show me what he was talking about. He walked me to the sign, and sure enough,
under Seaman Bank it says FDIC.
3. We are eating at some outdoor type food court. Not wanting to walk 6 boys to individual stalls to order their various meals, I become a flurry of handing out 10's & 20's. One takes a ten, but is slow to order anything. He as actually walking in circles, while everyone else was sitting down. I approached him and asked if he had found anything he like. He a said he did, but he was not going to buy it because it was a rip off. "What do you mean?" I asked. He says, "What I want costs $5 but they are going to charge me $10, so I am not buying it." Again, I am saying "show me". We walk into the store and this lovely money conscious child points to the sign at the register that reads " Minimum charge $10".-
aside from giving me moments of extreme, albiet private, laughter, these incidents were a reminder of the innocence, and the work yet in front of me.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
I realize I am a bit different but...
I was standing in line to get our clamming license when a woman walked in with her three year old ADORABLE son. Wistful as you know I am for those times, it bothered me a bit when she mentioned how she was " stuck" alone with him for 4 days until her parents came up. "Just me" she said, "His dad didn't some with us".
I did not bother mentioning my current situation. 6 Teenagers & me, no dad for years, and one (unbeknown-st to me, tied up in the trunk of my van at that very moment ( Ah boys))
.
She said, " I am so tired of hearing MOMMY come play with me" , " Don't worry," I said smiling, " that will end". And I didn't bother to say what she could not appreciate anyway. I chalked it up to being a bit overwhelmed, which of course I was/am, at times still. Another woman joined us in our little cue, as the first was attempting to orient her son to why a man seemingly cut in front of us in line, much to the tot's loud protests of being unfair and wrong. She looked at the grandmotherly woman who walked in and said, " I can't wait for tomorrow, he is in camp from 9-1." The Grandmother nodded and said, " I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old at my house now, it gets old". The smiled sympathetically at each other. I walked away with a heavy heart for those children. Do these women not realize what a blessing they have? Would that mom like her son to be calling another woman "Mommy"? One who would hear that as music, or that Grandmother rather her grandkids don't visit her?
I left the office, only to find three of my teens in my car, & like I said, one tied up in the trunk. But that's another story.
We went clamming that afternoon and it struck me, while most of us walk along the beach searching for shells, or just enjoying the scenery. Shell fishermen are looking for specific signs in the sand, one you or I might simple walk over, as a sign that there is a clam to be dug here. We watched the sand intently, felt it with our feet, looked for the tell tail spitting sea water signs, or tiny whole that indicate potential for bounty. It was a very different experience of the beach. I could not help but make a connection to the folks who took their offspring for granted or the many parents that I see who do not know what to look for in their kids as signs of connection and need. Of course as I tried to share my insights with my shellfish hunting group, I got little response, mostly odd looks. So I will save it for another day for them, and give it to you today.
I think we appreciate it more when we know what to look for. Look for love peeps.
I did not bother mentioning my current situation. 6 Teenagers & me, no dad for years, and one (unbeknown-st to me, tied up in the trunk of my van at that very moment ( Ah boys))
.
She said, " I am so tired of hearing MOMMY come play with me" , " Don't worry," I said smiling, " that will end". And I didn't bother to say what she could not appreciate anyway. I chalked it up to being a bit overwhelmed, which of course I was/am, at times still. Another woman joined us in our little cue, as the first was attempting to orient her son to why a man seemingly cut in front of us in line, much to the tot's loud protests of being unfair and wrong. She looked at the grandmotherly woman who walked in and said, " I can't wait for tomorrow, he is in camp from 9-1." The Grandmother nodded and said, " I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old at my house now, it gets old". The smiled sympathetically at each other. I walked away with a heavy heart for those children. Do these women not realize what a blessing they have? Would that mom like her son to be calling another woman "Mommy"? One who would hear that as music, or that Grandmother rather her grandkids don't visit her?
I left the office, only to find three of my teens in my car, & like I said, one tied up in the trunk. But that's another story.
I think we appreciate it more when we know what to look for. Look for love peeps.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Cognitive Dissonance
I was watching the news a few weeks ago and the newest finding of HPV causing throat cancer in males caught my attention.I new they had a vaccine for females, now they are offering it to males. Anything to protect. I called the DR to schedule an appointment to have all three boys vaccinated.
A few weeks later I found myself at the pediatrician's office with my young men in tow. There is something a bit strange about being in the same room where I naively tried to distract #1 from his first round of baby shots by breastfeeding him through them (( I am sure the nurses had a good laugh about that during their lunch break), he still screamed. Good thing he had no teeth!) and being there now, 16 years later getting shots to protect them from sexually transmitted diseases.
But that's not the half of it. Many of you have heard me say, my most favorite time of my life will be remembered only by me, as they were too young.
Well we had a brief trip down memory lane,
waiting in this office, with boys who are now taller than me, when I discovered this book in the pile:
It was a beautiful 10 minutes.
Then the nurse returned to inoculated my babies, I mean my teenagers, from a SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE.
New appreciation for denial here.
Then again, thinking you are better off elsewhere to eventually decide, really, home is best, seems pretty appropriate for right now too. Thanks again PJ.
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