So I didn't win the bet. I stopped dating at number 15. To be fair, the last 6 weeks of the year were really busy, things I would rather be doing than meeting strangers. Also though, I was so dissappointed when my amazing 2 1/2 hour preliminary conversation turned into a dud of a date 3 days later, I am sure that lead to me dragging my feet at the end of the year. Tina said my punishment was to buy her a skinny grande latte at Starbucks & say nice things about her. I told her it sounded like she wanted a first date with me.
But, it's a New Year, so I hopped on to eharmony for the free weeekend to see what I could see. Well as luck would have it, you are not allow to see anything on a free weekend. I have 187 matches. Most of which have not been active for 3 years and no pictures. So basically it was overwhelming with a few signs of hope.
As my business grows ( REALLY GOOD THING!) I spend more time alone at work with people I cannot date( not such a great thing) So the internet seems like a reasonable choice. A friend did pursue a dating service, only to not get called by them to confirm the appointment, so she bagged them. If they can't confirm an appointment how are they going to get her a date?
So I signed up. Just a 3 month membership with an astronomical upgrade in price when I forget to cancel. So I wrote CANCEL on my calendar the week beforeit is needed. Now if I only remember what I am cancelling. Someone write me and remind me, will you?
With the purchase I get pictures. And I am not so sure that that was a good thing. I have some questions about it actually. What's with the motorcycles? With & without riders on them? And the fish? What's with the fish? Is it a hobby thing? Do they really want to see pictures of me scrapbooking? Or of a finished page of my scrapbook? Or maybe the back of my head with a view of the TV in front of it with one of my favorite old Hepburn & Tracy movies on?
For some of the guys, to answer the question " What are you most passionate about?" the answer is often a sports team. I asked my brother about this, he said it was more about them testing if I would tolerate them liking a sports team. With I have 5 brothers and three sons, I get it. A Sunday to go do whatever I want? Works for me. Heck, I can even sometimes curl up and watch some with them, as long as I can have my Oprah magazine nearby.
Wait, should I take a picture with that?
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Monday, January 9, 2012
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Dates 7 8 & 9
Basically a shy person here, so the challenge handed to me by my friend Tina, to date 20 different men this year is a great way to break out of the comfort coziness of my contented life. The challenge has focused me in a rare way I have not experienced in my single life.
#7 was very nice, really easy to talk to, 90 minutes went by in a flash, but I don't know...
#8 is much easier to talk about, cause it was like being in a science fiction movie, or SNL skit. He claimed to have been only 46. His face was as leathery as a horse saddle, and the wrinkles were deep and long. If he was a cowboy I would have believed his claim, but he worked in an office for 28 years, or so he said. If they lie about their age, what else? He claimed to be retired due to solid investments and was spending his time figuring out what he wanted to do, which is cool I guess, I just can't relate. Then he pulled out the eye drops, in front of me at the table.
Not having contacts, I don't know if it's normal behavior. I was not digging him pulling his eyelids apart. But I stayed and chatted, trying to see if there was something. That's when he launched into his ex. I don't even rememberhow it started, but experience has told me, not good first date info. He was animated about the questions he still had for her; how long was she with the other guy before she told him, what had he done so wrong, how hard it is to be in the same room with her, etc. They've been divorced 15 years. Check please! I made a deal with myself that when meeting a man starts to feel like a therapy session, I would go, so I did.
I woke up to an equally long winded email from him about all the possible reasons I may have ended the date. He wasn't looking for my input as much as going on yet another rant. Thank God for delete buttons. I should have just told him to get therapy, still or again, but dating was something he is clearly not yet ready for, but I didn't. Just pressed DELETE. Ahhhhh
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Close Encounters with Cougar Bait
So we went out last night. I will admit I am not much for the bar scene. My feet hurt from the shoes, you cannot actually hear what anyone is saying, and I am way to practical to blow ten bucks on one drink.But I do like to dance, so we went out last night and wow...
I was deep into a conversation with a female acquaintance when a strapping young man placed his elbows on the chairs we were both sitting on and asked for permission to ( and I quote) " Hit on us". Points obviously for honesty and frankness. Amused I granted him permission to " Give us your best shot" He countered with " I am 6 feet tall and a lawyer". Not a bad opening, if you are into tall, successful men.
When I asked him what possessed him to interrupt what was clearly an intense conversation ( I know it sounds rude, he didn't get it) His response was merely, "I think you are attractive." OK. Then he told me he'd been practicing law for one year. ONE YEAR. making him ??25? 26?
After that, it kind of went down hill.. I found out he lives in my town ( small world) and I was afraid to ask anymore as I felt it there was a good possibility he still lived with his mom and dad. After he declared his work life as off limits, claiming it is way too boring to talk about ( Tax attorney) and apparently unaware that he too could ask some questions he just kind of sauntered away. He was yummy though, in a Lifetime Movie outdoorsy brilliant kind of way.
We met up again on the dance floor. Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was on. He stopped short of declaring I should know all the moves since it came out, in " my time" He did stop short of saying that, but just short of saying it, as in..." How do you not know all the moves wasn't this ...." If he wasn't so damn tall I would have put him over me knee.
My friend & I, on the way home disagreed about what name we thought he told us. So this morning when she looked up on the MLS an Ed or Kenny buying a house 7 months ago in our town, she came up empty. Maybe we should have gotten his dad's name.
P.S. I put the shoes on half an hour before we went out. They hurt too much.
I was deep into a conversation with a female acquaintance when a strapping young man placed his elbows on the chairs we were both sitting on and asked for permission to ( and I quote) " Hit on us". Points obviously for honesty and frankness. Amused I granted him permission to " Give us your best shot" He countered with " I am 6 feet tall and a lawyer". Not a bad opening, if you are into tall, successful men.
When I asked him what possessed him to interrupt what was clearly an intense conversation ( I know it sounds rude, he didn't get it) His response was merely, "I think you are attractive." OK. Then he told me he'd been practicing law for one year. ONE YEAR. making him ??25? 26?
After that, it kind of went down hill.. I found out he lives in my town ( small world) and I was afraid to ask anymore as I felt it there was a good possibility he still lived with his mom and dad. After he declared his work life as off limits, claiming it is way too boring to talk about ( Tax attorney) and apparently unaware that he too could ask some questions he just kind of sauntered away. He was yummy though, in a Lifetime Movie outdoorsy brilliant kind of way.
We met up again on the dance floor. Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was on. He stopped short of declaring I should know all the moves since it came out, in " my time" He did stop short of saying that, but just short of saying it, as in..." How do you not know all the moves wasn't this ...." If he wasn't so damn tall I would have put him over me knee.
My friend & I, on the way home disagreed about what name we thought he told us. So this morning when she looked up on the MLS an Ed or Kenny buying a house 7 months ago in our town, she came up empty. Maybe we should have gotten his dad's name.
P.S. I put the shoes on half an hour before we went out. They hurt too much.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Navigating the curves
We all know it, when we give birth to these beautiful creatures, that they eventually grow into the sexual beings capable themselves of giving birth. We know it, but we don't like to think about it. Just as they get grossed out thinking about what we did to create them. As much as I hope each of my sons have a fulfilling and healthy sex life (and gives me granddaughters :-) ) It has come to my attention that it is time to step up the Driver's Ed on navigating the curves ( otherwise known as girls). But with it comes many a question.
I have, for a long time, held a simple belief about adolescence. It was shared with me by a fellow mental health clinician, who himself had four of these youths at the time. He said, " I tell them I completely trust them and their judgement until they do something that makes me get involved in their lives. Then I will take whatever steps needed to keep them safe so they can go forward again, without me involved." I liked it. It's simple and straight forward. Obvious I trust you to go to parties, until I find out you are puking your brains out in the bathroom, then we reassess. You can use the car, until you get a ticket, reassess. So as long as they remain "successful" , at either keeping their mischief from me( as we did with our parents) or in doing what's right, they continue to get room to grow.
In our day, we could go to a party and play spin the bottle, or suffer through "7 minutes in Heaven" and our parents were none the wiser. We could for the most part, experiment with our sexuality, learn about our bodies, practice being sexual beings, innocently and without our parents knowing about it. And they didn't need to know about it, usually. It now it seems that things are at once both slower and faster. My sons' are not at boy-girl parties on a regular basis, and to my knowledge no one has shown up drunk to the last day of school in 8th grade ( Can you believe that? And in Bethel in 1980?) We have kept them busy enough, sequestered enough.
Then there was Facebook. Now a days our all-to-anxious-to-write about it kids share intimate details on the public forum, leading me to the question, "When now do we get involved?" When a friend tells us what's on her son's FB stream? Is that reason enough?
I recently learned, for some, oral sex is now "3rd Base". As I recall, oral sex wasn't even on the playing field 30 years ago ( oh God did I just do that math correctly?). yep, that sucks.About that math I mean.
I'm cracking myself up here. sorry. Back to the subject.
I am fairly confident my boys' are still relatively innocent. Notice all the uncertainty in my word choice. They are really not given much opportunity to have alone time with a girl, that I am certain of. What I am hearing is the change seems to be in the girls' ( no one specific) eagerness, willingness to almost be used by boys. Is this the backlash to feminism? So we need to thank Snookie? We are owning our own sexuality at 13? And are willing to give BJ's to anyone? I know there were girls, troubled girls, like this then. It seems now it is more the norm. So as a mom, with new information I would not have had 30 yrs ago as a parent, what do I do?
I know what I would do if I had a daughter, that daughter specifically who is so willing to have her value debased. But I don't. I have testosterone pumping boys. The ones you used to have to watch out for.
And because of Facebook, I now have information my parents would not have had and therefore feel I am required to act. But my kids didn't do anything. So am I?
So we talk. We talk about sex, and respect, and their plans for their futures. We talk about unfortunate girls who give themselves over for the wrong reasons( there is NO right reason at 13, 14, 15, 16...!) We talk about responsibility and self-control. Feelings, and frustrations. Relationships and communication.We talk about diseases and my unwillingness to raise another child. We use our slogan "Sex can wait, masturbate". And I keep them busy. And in groups with other boys.
They are not doing anything "wrong". But life altering things happen. I have a friend who was date raped at 15 by one of our other "friends", another with a pregnancy scare at 14. One of my ex-boyfriends became a father at 17 & and some girls had abortions & we were the "good kids".
I know my arsenal is mostly full of stalling techniques. But isn't that the best we can do for something that is inevitable? That, and educate them on navigating the curves.
I have, for a long time, held a simple belief about adolescence. It was shared with me by a fellow mental health clinician, who himself had four of these youths at the time. He said, " I tell them I completely trust them and their judgement until they do something that makes me get involved in their lives. Then I will take whatever steps needed to keep them safe so they can go forward again, without me involved." I liked it. It's simple and straight forward. Obvious I trust you to go to parties, until I find out you are puking your brains out in the bathroom, then we reassess. You can use the car, until you get a ticket, reassess. So as long as they remain "successful" , at either keeping their mischief from me( as we did with our parents) or in doing what's right, they continue to get room to grow.
In our day, we could go to a party and play spin the bottle, or suffer through "7 minutes in Heaven" and our parents were none the wiser. We could for the most part, experiment with our sexuality, learn about our bodies, practice being sexual beings, innocently and without our parents knowing about it. And they didn't need to know about it, usually. It now it seems that things are at once both slower and faster. My sons' are not at boy-girl parties on a regular basis, and to my knowledge no one has shown up drunk to the last day of school in 8th grade ( Can you believe that? And in Bethel in 1980?) We have kept them busy enough, sequestered enough.
Then there was Facebook. Now a days our all-to-anxious-to-write about it kids share intimate details on the public forum, leading me to the question, "When now do we get involved?" When a friend tells us what's on her son's FB stream? Is that reason enough?
I recently learned, for some, oral sex is now "3rd Base". As I recall, oral sex wasn't even on the playing field 30 years ago ( oh God did I just do that math correctly?). yep, that sucks.About that math I mean.
I'm cracking myself up here. sorry. Back to the subject.
I am fairly confident my boys' are still relatively innocent. Notice all the uncertainty in my word choice. They are really not given much opportunity to have alone time with a girl, that I am certain of. What I am hearing is the change seems to be in the girls' ( no one specific) eagerness, willingness to almost be used by boys. Is this the backlash to feminism? So we need to thank Snookie? We are owning our own sexuality at 13? And are willing to give BJ's to anyone? I know there were girls, troubled girls, like this then. It seems now it is more the norm. So as a mom, with new information I would not have had 30 yrs ago as a parent, what do I do?
I know what I would do if I had a daughter, that daughter specifically who is so willing to have her value debased. But I don't. I have testosterone pumping boys. The ones you used to have to watch out for.
And because of Facebook, I now have information my parents would not have had and therefore feel I am required to act. But my kids didn't do anything. So am I?
So we talk. We talk about sex, and respect, and their plans for their futures. We talk about unfortunate girls who give themselves over for the wrong reasons( there is NO right reason at 13, 14, 15, 16...!) We talk about responsibility and self-control. Feelings, and frustrations. Relationships and communication.We talk about diseases and my unwillingness to raise another child. We use our slogan "Sex can wait, masturbate". And I keep them busy. And in groups with other boys.
They are not doing anything "wrong". But life altering things happen. I have a friend who was date raped at 15 by one of our other "friends", another with a pregnancy scare at 14. One of my ex-boyfriends became a father at 17 & and some girls had abortions & we were the "good kids".
I know my arsenal is mostly full of stalling techniques. But isn't that the best we can do for something that is inevitable? That, and educate them on navigating the curves.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
#3
Onward with my 20 date challenge. Date 3 was Friday night and all I can say is "Really?"
I used to, until Friday, say "There's no such thing as a bad date, it is either a good time, or a good story, or maybe both." Well, I have to reevaluate that, and maybe sometimes, it's just a bad date. I make sure to include something I like in the evening so all is not lost, but " Really?".
I did break one of my rules, which my brother goaded me on before the date. I did not do the pre-requisite screening phone call. In part because of the challenge and feeling like I need to be more open to it, and in part because this man was selected for me by a dating site computer system claiming to match us up on 29 dimensions. I have yet to figure out what those 29 dimensions are. It does seem 2 arms and 2 legs and 2 eyes account for 6 of them. To be fair, he also came from a large Irish family ( .5 points there). We were both alive, so that counts.
Other than that, I knew in 2 seconds.
And the rest of the time he just supported my initial hypothesis. Some may say I looked for him to support it. But my friend who "just happened" to stop by the coffee shop we ended up at gave me a thumbs down, which just validated what I already knew.
My rules for dates are not truly that hard. Perhaps some of my male readers could weigh in on this:1. If you are over 30 and we are not going for a run.( which will NEVER HAPPEN) please do not wear sneakers on a first date.
2. Hold open the doors
3. Pay for the frigging Hot Chocolate, or wine or whatever!
4. Occasionally break up your monologue with a question that indicates you may want to know more something about me, this is not a free therapy session.
5. I don't want to find how who you work for by the logo on your shirt. I got out of my orthodics & put on heels to meet you, you can change your shirt.
6. I won't tell you my war stories, please don't tell me yours. Your divorce is finally, we all have our own story with our own slant. There is nothing sexy about sordid divorce details.
I think that's a good start.
Maybe he knew immediately too so the bad behavior was meant to insure a negative outcome. But no, I've had this behavior before followed up with a request for a second date, so I can't chalk it up to that.
I'm gonna keep plugging, my fellow single friends, feel free to add your thoughts.
& I hope my married friends take a look at this and go give their partner a big smooch! ( and hold it for 18 seconds) for having what it takes to keep it going.
I used to, until Friday, say "There's no such thing as a bad date, it is either a good time, or a good story, or maybe both." Well, I have to reevaluate that, and maybe sometimes, it's just a bad date. I make sure to include something I like in the evening so all is not lost, but " Really?".
I did break one of my rules, which my brother goaded me on before the date. I did not do the pre-requisite screening phone call. In part because of the challenge and feeling like I need to be more open to it, and in part because this man was selected for me by a dating site computer system claiming to match us up on 29 dimensions. I have yet to figure out what those 29 dimensions are. It does seem 2 arms and 2 legs and 2 eyes account for 6 of them. To be fair, he also came from a large Irish family ( .5 points there). We were both alive, so that counts.
Other than that, I knew in 2 seconds.
And the rest of the time he just supported my initial hypothesis. Some may say I looked for him to support it. But my friend who "just happened" to stop by the coffee shop we ended up at gave me a thumbs down, which just validated what I already knew.
My rules for dates are not truly that hard. Perhaps some of my male readers could weigh in on this:2. Hold open the doors
3. Pay for the frigging Hot Chocolate, or wine or whatever!
4. Occasionally break up your monologue with a question that indicates you may want to know more something about me, this is not a free therapy session.
5. I don't want to find how who you work for by the logo on your shirt. I got out of my orthodics & put on heels to meet you, you can change your shirt.
6. I won't tell you my war stories, please don't tell me yours. Your divorce is finally, we all have our own story with our own slant. There is nothing sexy about sordid divorce details.
I think that's a good start.
Maybe he knew immediately too so the bad behavior was meant to insure a negative outcome. But no, I've had this behavior before followed up with a request for a second date, so I can't chalk it up to that.
I'm gonna keep plugging, my fellow single friends, feel free to add your thoughts.
& I hope my married friends take a look at this and go give their partner a big smooch! ( and hold it for 18 seconds) for having what it takes to keep it going.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)