Check out this great MSN video - Bear Cubs Rescued From Dumpster
I will admit, may have already admitted this, when the boys were babies, I watched animal planet a lot. I figured they have been doing this parenting thing for a long time without the need for prescription meds, therapists, and a juvenile court system. So, I turned in and paid attention.
Certainly three boys can appear like bear cubs. My family room cushions were on the floor more than they were on the couches, clothing was optional a good deal of the time, affectionate wrestling , warrior yells and pretending were all common occurrences. I think, for the most part, so far Mother Nature was a good mentor.
So I watched this video, and was reminded of some of the basic tenets I embarrassed when they were small. Don't do things for them they can do for themselves. Sometimes you have to stand nearby pacing and watch them struggle. Help can come from unexpected places, be open to it. Never turn your back on danger. As soon as the strongest is safe, start leading again, your movement will send a message to the weaker ones that you expect they can handle it. Trust that deep down inside, despite their adolescent stubbornness, they know they should follow you because you are wise, you are strong , you are the momma bear.
Alex had his senior pictures yesterday. I cried ( not a big cry, teary that's all), he said " Stop it". :-)
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Wonders of the world
This has simply been one of the best vacations of my life. Except for the sibling rivalry which apparently came with our carry-ons, and started on the the plane when #3 did not get the window seat he wanted. & #1 thought he was fair game to use as their joint pillow. Luckily my ditziness tends to keep their focus elsewhere ( like their own personal safety) most of the time. This trip started with me misplacing my car keys in the JFK parking lot at 4:30 in the morning. We dumped every bag I handled in order to find them. Which made us late, way late like, as the nice flight attendant said to me as I ran onto the place " You almost lost your seat", I glanced back to a family of four eying me like hyenas at the watering hole. The door shut behind my rushing ass. not a good sign.
But we got here and packed so much into a week. When my kids were little I was discouraged that they did not enjoy the beach as I did, well, no longer true. Yeah! And we hiked ( and they didn't complain) 45 minutes straight up ( and they didn't complain) and they saved Michael from non fatal or potential drowning, yet they reached out their arms to him, and that counts as something. And we Zip lined, and saw Flamenco dancers, we did not died in a car accident, which is nothing short of a miracle they way these people drive.
We kayaked, in the dark, with only glow bracelets showing the way, under trees with thick branches jutting out, and we didn't kill each other. And my kids saw family dynamics first hand in our fellow passengers, and had thoughful comments " Why would you spend the money to do something like this drunk out of your head? What a waste of money, they won't even remember it!"
And the stoic Alex talked a lot, and smile, and sang & for a little while I had my boy back, before school takes him away, and then college really takes him away. & they walked with their arms around me, and we had conversations about politics and morals, and health & sexuality ( & once again I am saying Newtown School system, you give them too much information when they are too young to process it!, by virtue of the conversation he had at dinner the other night.)
And then there was the best line of the week, as I missed the exit to our hotel and was struggling to find our way back. Nick says" Oh I recognize this place!" " You do? I ask, hopefully. " Yeah," he says, " it's called Lost, we've been here a thousand times before."
And while I missed my friends and was at times frustrated with the boys, I am sure when I am away with my friends in a few weeks, I will wish my boys were with me again.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
HE smiled at me.
It's Prom season in Newtown. And this is not the Prom's of the 80's. Just logistically it is so very different. Rare is the Junior who has had his license long enough to drive his date. Plus with the 11 pm car curfew, I am confident there won't be groups of kids camping out at Compo beach overnight like back in the day. ( I was the 4th kid, my parents were tired)
So these teens have the ever classy bus to drive them to their destination with Mom & Dad providing the driving too and from. I'm not complaining, I am sure there will be far less drinking & driving, & other activities teens like to engage in ( or at least that is what I am telling myself.)
Another change is it is no longer "The Junior Prom" it's just called PROM. & the class doesn't spend money sending out invitation that have been picked & designed by the class officers, (secretly also mentally preparing for their weddings) You just simply go and buy your tickets. Rather anticlimactic. I don't even know if there's a Prom theme, or if they will be getting those tacky engraved glasses we gave out. Perhaps this is a more eco-friendly time. How many prom glasses have made their way to dumps after bouncing through tag sales?
Also different is how the asking goes. Apparently THIS is the big deal, the way to express the individuality taken by the restraints placed on the students. I have heard of a scavenger hunt, a T-Shirt laden group of minions propose at a local basketball game. I was thrilled to be asked for ideas by #1.
He asked me how I was asked. It was unceremonious but exciting each time. We ran through a few different possible scenarios the weekend before Valentines day, knowing V-Day would be the day of the asking. Settled on a Valentine Pez dispenser where a candy was replaced by a note with the word "Prom?" on it. He had to feign inability when his date to be asked him to do a forward flip on her trampoline for fear it would fall out of his pocket prematurely. It must have been hard for him not to display his physical prowess, for fear of exposure. Ultimately the deed was done.
We've been fighting about whether or not moms of the males are allowed at the group picture taking session. He insists it's a moms of females only thing. I have no idea where he gets his ideas from but this is the same kid who, a mere 4 weeks ago asked me if we owned a cutting board and skillet. I insist if I don't go, he will be mad at himself for the rest of his life because I will remind of it for the rest of his life.
I did get to take him for his Tux. After introducing him to the salesman, I stepped back & let them get the male type work done. Until, until he put on the jacket, and stepped in front of the mirror. And he turned to me, and smiled.
So these teens have the ever classy bus to drive them to their destination with Mom & Dad providing the driving too and from. I'm not complaining, I am sure there will be far less drinking & driving, & other activities teens like to engage in ( or at least that is what I am telling myself.)
Another change is it is no longer "The Junior Prom" it's just called PROM. & the class doesn't spend money sending out invitation that have been picked & designed by the class officers, (secretly also mentally preparing for their weddings) You just simply go and buy your tickets. Rather anticlimactic. I don't even know if there's a Prom theme, or if they will be getting those tacky engraved glasses we gave out. Perhaps this is a more eco-friendly time. How many prom glasses have made their way to dumps after bouncing through tag sales?
Also different is how the asking goes. Apparently THIS is the big deal, the way to express the individuality taken by the restraints placed on the students. I have heard of a scavenger hunt, a T-Shirt laden group of minions propose at a local basketball game. I was thrilled to be asked for ideas by #1.
He asked me how I was asked. It was unceremonious but exciting each time. We ran through a few different possible scenarios the weekend before Valentines day, knowing V-Day would be the day of the asking. Settled on a Valentine Pez dispenser where a candy was replaced by a note with the word "Prom?" on it. He had to feign inability when his date to be asked him to do a forward flip on her trampoline for fear it would fall out of his pocket prematurely. It must have been hard for him not to display his physical prowess, for fear of exposure. Ultimately the deed was done.
We've been fighting about whether or not moms of the males are allowed at the group picture taking session. He insists it's a moms of females only thing. I have no idea where he gets his ideas from but this is the same kid who, a mere 4 weeks ago asked me if we owned a cutting board and skillet. I insist if I don't go, he will be mad at himself for the rest of his life because I will remind of it for the rest of his life.
I did get to take him for his Tux. After introducing him to the salesman, I stepped back & let them get the male type work done. Until, until he put on the jacket, and stepped in front of the mirror. And he turned to me, and smiled.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
"That Mom"
Well I am apparently "That Mom" which carries none of the positive attributes of Marlo Thomas' character. "That Mom", is not a good thing according to the teenage boy sect. But you see,
"That Mom" is needed in today's world, & I carry the label willingly. I'd rather be "that mom" than " too busy Mom", or "disinterested Mom".
It started years ago, well with my childhood actually. I was brought up in a time that if Mrs Hook or any of the other adult neighbors, caught you doing something wrong, your mom was going to find out. Adults were adults & kids were kids and right was right & not everyone won the game and got a trophy, and complaining about your teacher resulted in your parents being upset with you, not your teacher. I happen to think there's some good stuff in there.
So while on vacation years ago and playing a giant game of Candy land, a parent less child decides to sit close enough to the game board, after he won his loot, to steal more pieces. I am the mom who says, " You have had enough and that's not okay, put it back." Nicely, but with constant eye contact. I am the mom who,
during a Yankees game with my young boys, turned to the teens/early 20's behind me and asked them to watch their language in front of my kids, and they did & they were nice about it. I think the world wants us to be better. When we ask for better behavior, we often get it, and that's good for everyone.
I was " That Mom" last week when I informed the coaches association of a Freshman coach who not only verbally abused his team ( and their moms were there to see it!) but he threw his clipboard into the stands, and yelled whenever out team took a shot. Did I mention they were winning ... by alot? Someone needs to say, " It is not ok to talk to kids like that" & If I have to be that mom, I will.
I took #1 to UNC for a college visit. We were told there would be around 300 people during our time slot, and to get there early, as there were three time slots. Ten minutes into what was supposed to be a presentation no one was in the auditorium. I was staring to get the " That Mom" talk. " Mom don't do anything." We teased that they must be conducting a social experiment to see what people would do. Alex thought it was a test in patience. I told him I thought there was a communication issue and if it were a social experiment they were looking for who would just sit there and do nothing and who would find out how to make things better. Sitting was excruciating for me. My body was tingling with forced stayputtedness. Then I broke 25 minutes into what was supposed to be an informational session, I grabbed my phone and went to the hallway where I was that mom. I called the admission's office to let them know 300 people had been waiting for 30 minutes. They did not know. The person who was supposed to show was MIA, someone ran down and gave us a condensed speech. I wish I had called ten minutes into the waiting. I have to give myself permission to be "That Mom". Even when it's unpopular with my kids, cause in the end, we all need her sometimes.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Passing of the taxi cab keys
It's here! It's finally here! Feb 11th 2012 , the day I can officially turn over the taxi cab keys to Alex. The day the State of Connecticut feels he has had enough experience so that my entire life can be driven around in his hands. I took a picture of the first time he & Nick got in the car together, they were ducking ( not ideal driving posture) so as not to get in the picture.
Then we all got in the car for my belated birthday dinner at The Melting Pot, ( shouldn't I be getting some type of advertising comission?) Alex at the wheel, Nick was on GPS & Michael decided it was his job to try desperately hard to keep me from being a back seat driver. & I really didn't want to be. I wanted to sit back there, all relaxed, enjoying being driven for the first time in a long time. Think about that, as a single mom, you don't get to be in the passengars seat much, & the back seat almost never. Ok, mind back on the task. So while Michael was trying to hold my hands down from grabbing Alex to show him how to drive and covering my mouth ,with a third hand that came out of no where, so I would stop making those noises I recall my mother making constantly, Nick was steady at the helm with the GPS in hand. I had no idea my #1 son had no concept of what a mile was. " turn here?" #2: " No in a mile". 2 seconds later, #1: " Ok so this turn?"
#2 " No now it's in .8 miles" Pretty sure if #1 has no idea what a mile is, .8 miles is also lost on him. I really had no idea, kind of like when they say " In a minute" in a hospital~ unless you have been there before you do not realize that hospital minutes are 1=45 of non-hospital minutes. Up until recently a MILE was what he had to run once a year for a fitness test and wanted to do it in less that 6 minutes. Now a little black rectangle is telling him his next turn is in this forgein term of measurement. Must be hard.
So we get to the resturant, have a wonderful dinner and are getting ready to leave. Nick looks at me and says, " If Alex is driving home would you sit in the front? I don't like being afraid for my life." I looked between my two young men, who are truly now two young men. Nick turned to Alex and said " You drive to fast and follow too close like REALLY, where are you going? give them room! and you wait way too long before you break when you are coming up on a car in front of you." Spoken like a true ...little brother? Old Soul? Parent? He turned back to me and said, " I found myself stepping on the floor in front of me like I wish I had a brake there I could use" ( thought that was a parent thing, guess it's instinct)
Alexs' outraged response was " I haven't gotten into an accident yet"~ as if ~ as if. Teen logic. I'm not dead so I guess everything I have done thus far is okay. Scary what we parents of teens are working with.
She didn't get pregnant last time we didn't use a condom so I guess we don't have to use one this time.. I didn't die last time I drank and drove so I think I can do it again, I obviosuly have skills others don't. I didn't hit a rock and crack my head open last time I bridge jumped so I bet it's all something parents make up to stop us from having fun, and there's no real rocks under the water. Scary. But it's what we've got.
I hand over the taxi keys and watch all 6 legs of my life pack into the car of someone capable of killing them all in one moment of bad decision making. I breathe a sigh of relief that I can sit home and finally read some of my old Oprah magazines that are pileing up while I have been running the taxi service. Maybe with a glass of wine to take the edge off of the thought in the first line of this paragraph.
Then we all got in the car for my belated birthday dinner at The Melting Pot, ( shouldn't I be getting some type of advertising comission?) Alex at the wheel, Nick was on GPS & Michael decided it was his job to try desperately hard to keep me from being a back seat driver. & I really didn't want to be. I wanted to sit back there, all relaxed, enjoying being driven for the first time in a long time. Think about that, as a single mom, you don't get to be in the passengars seat much, & the back seat almost never. Ok, mind back on the task. So while Michael was trying to hold my hands down from grabbing Alex to show him how to drive and covering my mouth ,with a third hand that came out of no where, so I would stop making those noises I recall my mother making constantly, Nick was steady at the helm with the GPS in hand. I had no idea my #1 son had no concept of what a mile was. " turn here?" #2: " No in a mile". 2 seconds later, #1: " Ok so this turn?"
#2 " No now it's in .8 miles" Pretty sure if #1 has no idea what a mile is, .8 miles is also lost on him. I really had no idea, kind of like when they say " In a minute" in a hospital~ unless you have been there before you do not realize that hospital minutes are 1=45 of non-hospital minutes. Up until recently a MILE was what he had to run once a year for a fitness test and wanted to do it in less that 6 minutes. Now a little black rectangle is telling him his next turn is in this forgein term of measurement. Must be hard.
So we get to the resturant, have a wonderful dinner and are getting ready to leave. Nick looks at me and says, " If Alex is driving home would you sit in the front? I don't like being afraid for my life." I looked between my two young men, who are truly now two young men. Nick turned to Alex and said " You drive to fast and follow too close like REALLY, where are you going? give them room! and you wait way too long before you break when you are coming up on a car in front of you." Spoken like a true ...little brother? Old Soul? Parent? He turned back to me and said, " I found myself stepping on the floor in front of me like I wish I had a brake there I could use" ( thought that was a parent thing, guess it's instinct)
Alexs' outraged response was " I haven't gotten into an accident yet"~ as if ~ as if. Teen logic. I'm not dead so I guess everything I have done thus far is okay. Scary what we parents of teens are working with.
She didn't get pregnant last time we didn't use a condom so I guess we don't have to use one this time.. I didn't die last time I drank and drove so I think I can do it again, I obviosuly have skills others don't. I didn't hit a rock and crack my head open last time I bridge jumped so I bet it's all something parents make up to stop us from having fun, and there's no real rocks under the water. Scary. But it's what we've got.
I hand over the taxi keys and watch all 6 legs of my life pack into the car of someone capable of killing them all in one moment of bad decision making. I breathe a sigh of relief that I can sit home and finally read some of my old Oprah magazines that are pileing up while I have been running the taxi service. Maybe with a glass of wine to take the edge off of the thought in the first line of this paragraph.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
On-line dating
The world of online dating is complicated when you are a therapist. I found this out shortly after I was divorced when one of my clients found my profile on a dating site and inboxed me through it to ask to change his appointment time. When you are supposed to be, at times, not much more than a reflecting mirror, the last thing I needed was to have my personal life, and lame attempts at explaining " What I am looking for in a partner", and all the goofiness profiles ask you to lay out there, read by someone who was coming in to pay me to hear his life's trauma. He now knew too much and the balance shift was uncomfortable. I enjoy being a little, a lot, anonymous with my clients. Two seperate worlds- works for me:-).
Then there was the experience of when I had stopped at a deli to grab a snack with my boys prior to dropping them at their dad's house. A man recognized me from the site. I did not used my name in it, but a profile Id, he assumed it was related to my real name and started calling for me across the deli. I did not respond because, well he wasn't calling my name. So he walked over and asked me about the site, and if I was who he thought I was. Mind you my three elementary aged kids are hip high around me. I told him I was, but I was not able to chat at that time as I had the kids & was getting a snack then dropping them off. He did not take the hint. He stood near me trying to talk about how weird it was "that we bumped into each other at this place", and we should really talk. Meanwhile my little cubs were wondering why they didn't have mom's attention & who this intrusive guy was. As I was paying for their snacks, he said, " Now say 'Thank you' to your mom boys". And still asked if we could get together .I am sure it was coming from a well meaning place. After I dropped off the kids I went home and took my profile down again. ick.
I was off the market for a while, but am back semi-looking. My good friend Sue found someone right after her last child got their driver's license, she said it could not have worked out any better. I have a feeling it will be that way for me too. It's way too complicated to mesh three teenaged boys with any other type of family, or maybe I just like how things are running here just fine. Besides Nick's has been after me to become a foster mom for an infant, and I am seriously considering it. Now that's a date breaker for sure.
Perhaps I need a little more time just here, just us , just enough.
But Chemistry.com is free this weekend, and looking can't hurt.
Then there was the experience of when I had stopped at a deli to grab a snack with my boys prior to dropping them at their dad's house. A man recognized me from the site. I did not used my name in it, but a profile Id, he assumed it was related to my real name and started calling for me across the deli. I did not respond because, well he wasn't calling my name. So he walked over and asked me about the site, and if I was who he thought I was. Mind you my three elementary aged kids are hip high around me. I told him I was, but I was not able to chat at that time as I had the kids & was getting a snack then dropping them off. He did not take the hint. He stood near me trying to talk about how weird it was "that we bumped into each other at this place", and we should really talk. Meanwhile my little cubs were wondering why they didn't have mom's attention & who this intrusive guy was. As I was paying for their snacks, he said, " Now say 'Thank you' to your mom boys". And still asked if we could get together .I am sure it was coming from a well meaning place. After I dropped off the kids I went home and took my profile down again. ick.
I was off the market for a while, but am back semi-looking. My good friend Sue found someone right after her last child got their driver's license, she said it could not have worked out any better. I have a feeling it will be that way for me too. It's way too complicated to mesh three teenaged boys with any other type of family, or maybe I just like how things are running here just fine. Besides Nick's has been after me to become a foster mom for an infant, and I am seriously considering it. Now that's a date breaker for sure.
Perhaps I need a little more time just here, just us , just enough.
But Chemistry.com is free this weekend, and looking can't hurt.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Old Souls New Souls
I was raised Catholic but since my late teens, for a variety of reasons, have not settled in one religion. For a while, when the kids were young, we were members of the Unitarian Church. It was mostly because of the minister, warmth exuded from her and she officiated the " Welcoming" or my first son. She left and another pastor, who did not exude the same warmth, but officiated for the other two took over, then we moved. We tried a few other places of worship, none that have grabbed my commitment. This is not to say I am not spiritual. I talk to God daily. Mostly when he lovingly wakes me up a moment before the alarm goes off, and sometimes when I forget to set the alarm, he wakes me up in time to make sure the kids aren't late I truly appreciate that. And the sunrise out my bedroom window, and many other blessing, such as my kids' health etc. I certainly like the idea of Heaven, that I will again see those I love and have lost. I haven't figured out how reincarnation fits into all this, but I have to believe it does.
Clearly there are old and new souls in the world. Nick, for example, I am pretty sure was Elvis. At 3 he had the whole lip and pelvis thing going. Now you tell me, how? Who has that down at three? He certainly wasn't exposed to it on Sesame Street, Arthur, or Blue's Clues. Yet, there he was lip quivering and pelvis gyrating whenever I brought the video camera out. Plus his wisdom is way beyond his years, his social finesse..yeah he's been here before.
Then there's Alex, well, I am pretty sure he's a new soul. Which, while providing loads of dinner time chuckles, makes me a bit more protective and concerned for him. Here's an example: While dealing with the power outages last fall, he walked into the garage & exasperatedly asked " whose's brilliant idea was it to leave the cars in the garage? Now we can't get them out!" Now this could be explained by lack of "prior knowledge", that's a big term they use in school these days, it's about what YOU the student already bring to the academic table, and as bright as my #1 is ( seriously he has a 4.0) he's a little short in this area. And I can only blame it on him being a first timer here on earth.
He had an assignment in 5th grade, ( which I thought was horrible) he had to write what he would do if he came downstairs one morning and found a note from his parents that they had left, and would be backed at some time in the future, some money would hypothetically left on the counter as well.( really who does that to a ten year old?) Alex's essay was about how he would hold up in his bedroom & wait, or die which ever came first...7 years later I'm not real sure his answer would be much better. Except he'd play that swearing rap crap really loud in the whole house.
Last week he had to make dinner for his Culinary class. " Do we have a skillet?" he asks, " Um really?" I think. I show him the skillet, on the stove, that he has watched me make tacos, meat sauce, fried chicken, chicken stir-fry, eggs etc in for years. A few minutes later he asks me, " Do we have a cutting board/?" I just hug him. It's not his fault he's a first timer.
Michael is a different story all together. He possesses a spiritual quality that is impossible to describe until you experience it, so I think he is pretty far along the reincarnation scale. He has a wisdom of the ages, and is a moral compass of love that puts me to shame at times. What the poor soul did to end up as the youngest in this family is beyond me.
Then there's Alex, well, I am pretty sure he's a new soul. Which, while providing loads of dinner time chuckles, makes me a bit more protective and concerned for him. Here's an example: While dealing with the power outages last fall, he walked into the garage & exasperatedly asked " whose's brilliant idea was it to leave the cars in the garage? Now we can't get them out!" Now this could be explained by lack of "prior knowledge", that's a big term they use in school these days, it's about what YOU the student already bring to the academic table, and as bright as my #1 is ( seriously he has a 4.0) he's a little short in this area. And I can only blame it on him being a first timer here on earth.
He had an assignment in 5th grade, ( which I thought was horrible) he had to write what he would do if he came downstairs one morning and found a note from his parents that they had left, and would be backed at some time in the future, some money would hypothetically left on the counter as well.( really who does that to a ten year old?) Alex's essay was about how he would hold up in his bedroom & wait, or die which ever came first...7 years later I'm not real sure his answer would be much better. Except he'd play that swearing rap crap really loud in the whole house.
Last week he had to make dinner for his Culinary class. " Do we have a skillet?" he asks, " Um really?" I think. I show him the skillet, on the stove, that he has watched me make tacos, meat sauce, fried chicken, chicken stir-fry, eggs etc in for years. A few minutes later he asks me, " Do we have a cutting board/?" I just hug him. It's not his fault he's a first timer.
Michael is a different story all together. He possesses a spiritual quality that is impossible to describe until you experience it, so I think he is pretty far along the reincarnation scale. He has a wisdom of the ages, and is a moral compass of love that puts me to shame at times. What the poor soul did to end up as the youngest in this family is beyond me.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
The gifts
For several years (26 to be exact) our Christmas present had to match a certain letter of the alphabet. What you wanted was not exactly relevant, only if it matched her preordained sense of order. It was fun sometimes.,My brother Sean & I overtly competed for the coolest stocking stuffer following her rules. And the Z year was the first time I ever bought a " Zero" candy bar. God forbid you needed underwear any time other than the 21st year, it would not be coming your way. I am pretty sure the tree trunk was fairly bare during the x year.
Once mom finished her plan, she was left to her own devices. During that time my vegetarian sister-in law received cow PJ's complete with an udder and hoofed socks. I never clearly followed her thought process.
In 2010, following the death of her mother, mom got busy wrapping tons, literally tons, of little things for the bunch of us. The grandkids were given personalized Navy sized duffle bags filled with ~ well stuff. The guys were given 5 gallons buckets also filled with stuff( apparently fairly useful) and the women, a gift bag filled with , well~ things. Lets just say I trotted that bag out at more than one party looking for someone to try to help me make sense of the collection of zip lock bagged Chinese restaurant mints, fridge magnets, ceramic scary smiley faced flowers, neon colored light up floaty flowers a scrubby sponge, Pam, chachka etc etc etc.
My 6 year old Goddaughter found several things she was delighted with.
This year I came home one day to a box of mini cheese from Swiss Colony. The creation above was done by my niece Mikayla. She made an igloo with some other squeeze cheese that was in the box. I also received a black crew neck sweatshirt that reads Moms Of Marvelous Sons. that I threatened to wear to my kids sporting events if they don't behave.
And I know, all of her gifts come from the heart,and from a catalog that should be banned.
And I also know, my true gift from my mother, is the gift I have for my own children, loving them with all my heart, always. She loves me when I am funny, and needy and bitchy and down. She loves me when I don't feel loveable,and when I am on top of the world. She listens whenever I call and even though she NEVER reads this blog, is my biggest fan.
So bring on the dollar store presents and the tacky sweatshirts. I will lovingly wear them to bed at night and think of your love surrounding me, keeping me warm.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Christmas for dummies
Don't hate me becuase I am done. Done with the shopping, wrapping and labelling. The radio station is permanently on 97.5 for Christmas music all the time. Working on the cards, to add letter or not to add letter, that is the question....But don't hate me because I am done. This is my favorite time of year, and what with honors classes, my two jobs, sports etc, I find the time to actually enjoy the season with my boys gets more and more difficult, so I try to be "done" by Thanksgiving to squeeze any moment of Christmas cheer out of our month of December. The halls are decked, the house smells like pine, I have forgotten what half of the presents I got for the boys are ( making the unwrapping exciting for me as well!)
I was dismayed recently to hear my youngest God-daughter no longer believes in Santa. Dismayed is an understatement. My own children still believe in Santa, or atleast have never admitted to me anything otherwise, and Wise of them that is. I found out her mom has some fairly ametuer Christmasing skills, you'd never know she also has a 15 year old with the rookie mistakes she has been making. So I thought I'd share a few of my personal tips, as in my family Christmas is synoymous with "Aunt Cathy", I feel as if I know a little something about this.
First of all, I suggest every parent learn this song, and sing it as often as White Christmas or Deck The Halls:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1_qhKppEDo
It was one of my best memories from my Grandmother's apartment in Queens when I was a child.
Next: Make sure your children know you believe in Santa. Naming my second child after him helped in my house.
Next: Have "Santa Sacks" A pillow case decorated for each child for Santa to place their unwrapped presents in. This way it is clear what is from Santa and what is from other family members. Plus it saves the ol' guy & the elves from wrapping gifts, VERY GREEN of you!
Next: Believe Believe in magic, and love, believe in possibility and delight. Believe in the spirit of Christmas and children, in fun and innocence. They are children for such a short time, let it last as long as possible.
And remember what Santa brings, more than the toys or gadgets, the socks and jewelry, is a reminder that honoring our children, symbolized by one specific baby boy, who, as I heard in a funny movie reference a few weeks ago " Just happened to be born on Christmas Day", is really what this time of year is all about.They are, after all, the greatest gift.
I was dismayed recently to hear my youngest God-daughter no longer believes in Santa. Dismayed is an understatement. My own children still believe in Santa, or atleast have never admitted to me anything otherwise, and Wise of them that is. I found out her mom has some fairly ametuer Christmasing skills, you'd never know she also has a 15 year old with the rookie mistakes she has been making. So I thought I'd share a few of my personal tips, as in my family Christmas is synoymous with "Aunt Cathy", I feel as if I know a little something about this.
First of all, I suggest every parent learn this song, and sing it as often as White Christmas or Deck The Halls:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1_qhKppEDo
It was one of my best memories from my Grandmother's apartment in Queens when I was a child.
Next: Have "Santa Sacks" A pillow case decorated for each child for Santa to place their unwrapped presents in. This way it is clear what is from Santa and what is from other family members. Plus it saves the ol' guy & the elves from wrapping gifts, VERY GREEN of you!
Next: Believe Believe in magic, and love, believe in possibility and delight. Believe in the spirit of Christmas and children, in fun and innocence. They are children for such a short time, let it last as long as possible.
And remember what Santa brings, more than the toys or gadgets, the socks and jewelry, is a reminder that honoring our children, symbolized by one specific baby boy, who, as I heard in a funny movie reference a few weeks ago " Just happened to be born on Christmas Day", is really what this time of year is all about.They are, after all, the greatest gift.
Monday, November 7, 2011
It's not your mother's Chiddy Bang
So for Nick's 15th birthday he wanted to go to a concert. His current favorite artist is a group called Chiddy Bang. We found they were playing at Gettysburg College ( just a short 6 hour drive) on November 4th. After many difficult attempt to find out how to get tickets we scored an handful for Nick and his closest buds.
$25 each- gotta love at least that.
So at the end of a ridiculous week sans electricity we ventured off ( at least they didn't have to leave school early), I sprung for a hotel room just for the warm shower. Driving 6 hours with 5 14/15 year old boys- my friends called occasionally, it was a nice reprieve from the rap music. I cannot handle the swears or graphic references. Since when did the F -word become melodic? or the how-to's of sex acts become fodder for lyrics? Am I old??? What happened to insinuated sex, like "afternoon delight" or "lay me down in the tall grass & let me do my stuff" The boys were concerned about how I would react at the concert,(my nephew was supposed to chaperon, but had to work, lucky me) I told Nick I brought soap to put in their mouths if they swore ( YOU know I'm kidding right?) He looked at me in earnest and said, " Mom, he (Chiddy) had a really rough life up to now, you shouldn't do that"
I swear, as smart as my boys are......
Well old fashioned me entertained the troops for a bit with some logic games, " I'm going on a picnic..." etc. & they begged for more.
Gettysburg is lovely,what I saw of it. Definitely have to go check it out when I have more time. We were told to go to the college early to get in line- it was a standing performance in a ballroom, yeah!!!! So we stood, 1/1/2 hours before the concert started. Meanwhile, Nick was suffering from whatever Alex had at the beginning of the week, poor guy. He was really uncomfortable & dragging. There were two other acts before the main attraction. I am pretty sure I was the oldest person in the room except for a few of the security guards.& equally as confident that every rapper who came to our side of the stage, (we scored front row standing) looked at me like " What are you doing here old lady?" I had a lot of eye contact with confused rappers that night.
One song that I particularly despise repeats the word " ass" like 28 times as the opening chords. The kids found out I hated it on the ride down. So when one of the acts started singing it. the newest member of our crew looked at me for my reaction. I leaned into him and said, " I didn't bring enough soap for the whole place." He apparently also believed me, as several days later he shared this story with Alex, who could not join us due to his SAT schedule. Damn serious life.
Chiddy came out, Nick perked up, I lifted my head from the resting position on my arm. Thank God there was a rail there to hold me up. Is that rude? To be in the front row at a concert and take a quick nap before the main act? Heck, I'm old, give me a break. Standing for 4 1/2 hours is not fun or easy. The boys had a bit of an education about college students. One particularly low self esteemed co-ed was screaming next to us offering her body up to Chiddy for carnal purposes, although her offer was much less classier than the way I phrased it. and loud, and repetitious. And in front of my 14/15 year olds. Ah well, concerts are different than I remember in the 80's. I was concerned about drunk students or wafting weed, neither were there ( thank God) So in hindsight I could have dropped them off and layed on a bed watching TV for a few hours and the worst they would have been exposed to was the co-eds rubbing their dancing bods up against their backs.
I had a rather loud and obnoxious one falling into me, and screaming in my ear~ I didn't want to be "THAT MOM" as Nick calls me, but I also had some tummy issues that night, so she cleared out rather quickly. Don't mess with a middle aged woman chicky.
Oh you Chitty Chitty Bang Bang . Pretty Chitty Bang Bang I love you.
$25 each- gotta love at least that.
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| ChiddyBang |
I swear, as smart as my boys are......
Well old fashioned me entertained the troops for a bit with some logic games, " I'm going on a picnic..." etc. & they begged for more.
Gettysburg is lovely,what I saw of it. Definitely have to go check it out when I have more time. We were told to go to the college early to get in line- it was a standing performance in a ballroom, yeah!!!! So we stood, 1/1/2 hours before the concert started. Meanwhile, Nick was suffering from whatever Alex had at the beginning of the week, poor guy. He was really uncomfortable & dragging. There were two other acts before the main attraction. I am pretty sure I was the oldest person in the room except for a few of the security guards.& equally as confident that every rapper who came to our side of the stage, (we scored front row standing) looked at me like " What are you doing here old lady?" I had a lot of eye contact with confused rappers that night.
One song that I particularly despise repeats the word " ass" like 28 times as the opening chords. The kids found out I hated it on the ride down. So when one of the acts started singing it. the newest member of our crew looked at me for my reaction. I leaned into him and said, " I didn't bring enough soap for the whole place." He apparently also believed me, as several days later he shared this story with Alex, who could not join us due to his SAT schedule. Damn serious life.
Chiddy came out, Nick perked up, I lifted my head from the resting position on my arm. Thank God there was a rail there to hold me up. Is that rude? To be in the front row at a concert and take a quick nap before the main act? Heck, I'm old, give me a break. Standing for 4 1/2 hours is not fun or easy. The boys had a bit of an education about college students. One particularly low self esteemed co-ed was screaming next to us offering her body up to Chiddy for carnal purposes, although her offer was much less classier than the way I phrased it. and loud, and repetitious. And in front of my 14/15 year olds. Ah well, concerts are different than I remember in the 80's. I was concerned about drunk students or wafting weed, neither were there ( thank God) So in hindsight I could have dropped them off and layed on a bed watching TV for a few hours and the worst they would have been exposed to was the co-eds rubbing their dancing bods up against their backs.
I had a rather loud and obnoxious one falling into me, and screaming in my ear~ I didn't want to be "THAT MOM" as Nick calls me, but I also had some tummy issues that night, so she cleared out rather quickly. Don't mess with a middle aged woman chicky.
Oh you Chitty Chitty Bang Bang . Pretty Chitty Bang Bang I love you.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Unexpected losses of the week
So I have thrown out my share of food, I have had clients not show, and they couldn't call to tell me. I expected this much. My son broke up with his girlfriend of a year, I did not expect that, nor did I expect how sad I am over it.
My mom warned me. She told me after my oldest brother ( still unmarried and facing half a century) brought girl after girl home, a different one to each of his siblings weddings, some longer term than others, she told me, "Don't get attached, it'll break your heart." She was particularly fond of one named Livy who was from Stamford. I think they were together for about a year. I also think Livy was married a year or so after she & my bro broke up.
Anyway, I get attached to their friends. Matt is like a fourth son, who I check on occasionally even when Nick is not hanging out with him, and use his full Christian name when I need to reprimand him. and now apparently to I will be doomed to getting attached to their girlfriends. He apparently picked a good one. She offered so much more then the much needed estrogen boost in my house. She is a lovely girl with a good heart and an easy going nature.She was not rattled by the crazy testosterone filled house I run. She, being female, understood my perspective on most things. It was nice to have some female back-up.
There's no place for my sadness.
My son made his decision based on his experiences and his understanding of his own needs. Neither of which I am privy to entirely. & my job is clearly to support him listening to his own voice and making decisions for himself.
I did express my extreme unhappiness with the whole Facebook relationship status thing, and his friends
" liking" his new single status. I made him take that down. He saw what I was saying after first protesting how much I "don't understand that it was just a joke" There are some teenage boy jokes I do not find funny.This was one of them.
I hope to teach him to be respectful, even when a decision is made to end a relationship. Especially when there was no fault to it ending.
I am sure I will see her around, and feel an overwhelming desire to hug her and take away the pain. I so clearly remember my first serious relationship break up, and the entire weekend I spent crying on my friend Terri's couch over Kenny. And how hard it was going back to school the next year and seeing him in the hall.
I guess that's what's easier about adult relationships breaking up, you don't have to run into that person.
I know he is hurting to, it was a hard decision, and he is not a kid who lightly hurts others ( except his brother). But this blog is not about him, it's about me.
As much as I didn't even want my kids to date until they had their college acceptance letter in hand, & I certainly wanted them to date multiple people to learn about themselves and have a lot of life experiences before finding just one. I reallllly liked this girl. and I will miss her.
My mom warned me. She told me after my oldest brother ( still unmarried and facing half a century) brought girl after girl home, a different one to each of his siblings weddings, some longer term than others, she told me, "Don't get attached, it'll break your heart." She was particularly fond of one named Livy who was from Stamford. I think they were together for about a year. I also think Livy was married a year or so after she & my bro broke up.
Anyway, I get attached to their friends. Matt is like a fourth son, who I check on occasionally even when Nick is not hanging out with him, and use his full Christian name when I need to reprimand him. and now apparently to I will be doomed to getting attached to their girlfriends. He apparently picked a good one. She offered so much more then the much needed estrogen boost in my house. She is a lovely girl with a good heart and an easy going nature.She was not rattled by the crazy testosterone filled house I run. She, being female, understood my perspective on most things. It was nice to have some female back-up.
There's no place for my sadness.
My son made his decision based on his experiences and his understanding of his own needs. Neither of which I am privy to entirely. & my job is clearly to support him listening to his own voice and making decisions for himself.
I did express my extreme unhappiness with the whole Facebook relationship status thing, and his friends
" liking" his new single status. I made him take that down. He saw what I was saying after first protesting how much I "don't understand that it was just a joke" There are some teenage boy jokes I do not find funny.This was one of them.
I hope to teach him to be respectful, even when a decision is made to end a relationship. Especially when there was no fault to it ending.
I am sure I will see her around, and feel an overwhelming desire to hug her and take away the pain. I so clearly remember my first serious relationship break up, and the entire weekend I spent crying on my friend Terri's couch over Kenny. And how hard it was going back to school the next year and seeing him in the hall.
I guess that's what's easier about adult relationships breaking up, you don't have to run into that person.
I know he is hurting to, it was a hard decision, and he is not a kid who lightly hurts others ( except his brother). But this blog is not about him, it's about me.
As much as I didn't even want my kids to date until they had their college acceptance letter in hand, & I certainly wanted them to date multiple people to learn about themselves and have a lot of life experiences before finding just one. I reallllly liked this girl. and I will miss her.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Parenting is not for the faint at heart
Client 1. Daughter (14) has met boy from different town (16) Mom & Dad come in to lay down ground rules.
Completely reasonable & a little more lenient than me- there are no members of the opposite sex allowed in my kids' bedrooms. I do not have time to stand watch at a door, so I refuse to set the situation up. ( Alex says I am way too strict- ah well) So said client's teenaged daughter grumbles at the rules, and mom looks at me flustered "See I get attitude" " So what?" I say, yep that's what 5 years in a Masters program in family therapy prescribes for these situations, " So what?"
If I had to wait until my children LIKED what I told them to do, we'd be over run by garbage, the lawn would never be cut, & Michael would still be wearing the same clothes he wore the first day of school. You get the picture.
Family 2: Divorced parents came in together, their 8 year old was on-line video chatting at a friends house and the 14 year old boy they were talking to convinced them to do some untoward stuff. Dad said " This is exactly why I did not want to have a daughter." His fear was palpable.
http://www.parentingteensinfo.com/2011/08/12/dont-allow-yourself-to-become-isolated-2-minute-tip-for-parenting-teens-168/
There's a great website above. You are not alone, whatever you are going through. & they put us through alot.
Completely reasonable & a little more lenient than me- there are no members of the opposite sex allowed in my kids' bedrooms. I do not have time to stand watch at a door, so I refuse to set the situation up. ( Alex says I am way too strict- ah well) So said client's teenaged daughter grumbles at the rules, and mom looks at me flustered "See I get attitude" " So what?" I say, yep that's what 5 years in a Masters program in family therapy prescribes for these situations, " So what?"
If I had to wait until my children LIKED what I told them to do, we'd be over run by garbage, the lawn would never be cut, & Michael would still be wearing the same clothes he wore the first day of school. You get the picture.
Family 2: Divorced parents came in together, their 8 year old was on-line video chatting at a friends house and the 14 year old boy they were talking to convinced them to do some untoward stuff. Dad said " This is exactly why I did not want to have a daughter." His fear was palpable.
http://www.parentingteensinfo.com/2011/08/12/dont-allow-yourself-to-become-isolated-2-minute-tip-for-parenting-teens-168/
There's a great website above. You are not alone, whatever you are going through. & they put us through alot.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
My summer vacation???
So the boys were gone, then they were back, now they are gone again. Which is good cause, as the saying goes, I need a vacation from my vacation. 3 theme parks, camping & a white water rafting trip, AND I still saw clients. I am wiped out.
What I learned: One of our traditions has been to go to the Great Adventure Safari, I have pictures of the boys as toddlers, in matching safari print overalls ( yeah I was THAT mom). A few years ago, amidst protests from the youngest we went again, and saw a lioness stalk and kill a bird ( who gets to see that???) and this year, we were there early as we were going to the amusement park for the first time ever, and watching animals does not get old. Go first thing in the am, before the heat makes them all lay down for comfort, they are up, we saw Kangaroos hopping, Rhino's policing traffic, bears eating. It was awesome.
![]()
I learned I can get thru anything ( like this) by couting. This was a 47 second-er.
My kids & I are not the most coordinated paddlers in the world. There is a decent chance we would not have survived had we taken this trip as an outdoor adventure without help. While in the beginning of the trip, we were one of the rescue boats, pulling people & oars from the water, but then, our lack of coordination left us right by the sweep up boat most of the time, and eventually even he past us leaving the kayak sweeper to pull us off of several rocks. Ending with our entire boat flipping 30 feet off shore at the end of the trip. I almost cried, I worked really hard to not cry. Ok I cried while I was taking a shower in the camp a little later.
Just cause you are loud does not mean you are the boss. I knew this, what I learned was my middle son does not know this. It's a process I guess.
Group bulding activities does not always result in group building. But mom completely loosing it because there is no place to send someone who is misbehaving when you are on a boat and talking reason is not working, does buy 24 hours of " better" behavior.
Kids laugh about things much sooner than I think they are funny.The next morning at breakfast I was awake with the middle son, his BF and my oldest's GF. Over breakfast the middle, who attempted to run our boat with insults and yelling, was recapping what we did wrong the day before. I was ready to smack him with my pancake spatula, and the other teens just looked at him and laughed and said " Give it a rest already!" They laughed. I was still fuming. I needed to " give it a rest already" too. So I did.
And now, I have a week of rest before our next adventure begins. AHHHHHH!
What I learned: One of our traditions has been to go to the Great Adventure Safari, I have pictures of the boys as toddlers, in matching safari print overalls ( yeah I was THAT mom). A few years ago, amidst protests from the youngest we went again, and saw a lioness stalk and kill a bird ( who gets to see that???) and this year, we were there early as we were going to the amusement park for the first time ever, and watching animals does not get old. Go first thing in the am, before the heat makes them all lay down for comfort, they are up, we saw Kangaroos hopping, Rhino's policing traffic, bears eating. It was awesome.
My kids & I are not the most coordinated paddlers in the world. There is a decent chance we would not have survived had we taken this trip as an outdoor adventure without help. While in the beginning of the trip, we were one of the rescue boats, pulling people & oars from the water, but then, our lack of coordination left us right by the sweep up boat most of the time, and eventually even he past us leaving the kayak sweeper to pull us off of several rocks. Ending with our entire boat flipping 30 feet off shore at the end of the trip. I almost cried, I worked really hard to not cry. Ok I cried while I was taking a shower in the camp a little later.
Just cause you are loud does not mean you are the boss. I knew this, what I learned was my middle son does not know this. It's a process I guess.
Group bulding activities does not always result in group building. But mom completely loosing it because there is no place to send someone who is misbehaving when you are on a boat and talking reason is not working, does buy 24 hours of " better" behavior.
Kids laugh about things much sooner than I think they are funny.The next morning at breakfast I was awake with the middle son, his BF and my oldest's GF. Over breakfast the middle, who attempted to run our boat with insults and yelling, was recapping what we did wrong the day before. I was ready to smack him with my pancake spatula, and the other teens just looked at him and laughed and said " Give it a rest already!" They laughed. I was still fuming. I needed to " give it a rest already" too. So I did.
And now, I have a week of rest before our next adventure begins. AHHHHHH!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Crazy- like a fox
One of my many little secrets, is, I am crazy, like a fox. What looks like a huge endeavor to the naked eye is a well planned cover for an experienced parenting agenda. I learned years ago, my kids require far less management when they each have a playmate, truly, the more the merrier. It costs in a few extra snacks & drinks, but that's what Costco is for after all. And the price for peace? Nothing really.
The boys & I got season passes at a discounted rate last year- paid for already 2 times over.
I had discount tickets agreement for my au pairs that I used for these kids, so I honestly even made out in gaining points with my credit card company, for money I did not even spend. - awesome.
It was the last Saturday I can plan something with them until July, with finals coming up.
It did cost me 140 miles worth of gas, so say $20?
Plus I was able to buy gas in Mass, which as we all know, is remarkably cheaper than CT gas, so I actually almost saved money, somehow in my money logic game.
The boys have a great time.
I look like the hero for allowing them to bring their friends to a somewhat rare event, and I get to enjoy watching them with their friends, hearing them all sing in the car (one of my favorite things) eating lunch with them, having a few casual chats and mostly lounging by a pool.
Yep, lounging by a pool. And reading Victor Frankel's " Man's Search for Meaning" from cover to cover. It was on my summer's to do list. Am I crazy?? Really? LOL. When is the last time you have time you had 4 hours to read a book while on a lounge chair on a sunny Saturday afternoon?
Had we stayed home, I can guarantee I would have done a lot more driving, a million times more refereeing and had no where near the amount of uninterrupted reading time. For years our weekends were brief stops at the house made in between baseball games. Next year Alex will be driving and I imagine MIA most weekends between work & friends.
Friday, June 3, 2011
the rope bridge
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| Lisa & Michael, Nick & Alex on the bridge |
In 2002 the kids & I went to Hawaii. We met one of our old au pairs there for a wonderful week of exploring and fun. One of the most memorable parts of the week for me was when we discovered the Hanapepe swinging bridge. It was exhilarating walking across the bridge as it shifted from side to side, a slight sense of danger adding to the excitement. I remember clearly, Nick, making his way a few yards in front of me, getting a kick out of the unsteady steps and crying out, "Please God don't let me die here! I'm a good person. I'm named after Santa Claus!"
It's what we all want, "Please God don't let them die here." Adolescence is that swinging bridge. The steps are unsteady, and ever changing and the last thing we want them to do, is fall. But how do we support their travels from the safety of the terra firma that we created for them, to the land of their own lives?
There are a lot of questions, ones I struggle with , ones my friends or clients struggle with. On somethings I am more than firm and clear. My priorities for my children and my support of my priorities for my children. Their first is school, going, doing what is required, doing the extra that is offered. This is all done to afford them the possibilities of choice when it comes to higher education and hopefully life. But that's not what I say, I say "it's your job, do it" .The sticky ones are more about exposure to life. Alex asked me if I was going to make him abide by the laws about driving when he got his license. While I would LOVE for him to be able to drive his siblings around right away, if I say he is allowed to disobeyed, who am I to question when he disobeys my rules for him?
That being said, I speed sometimes. 25 mph is ridiculously hard to maintain. With that I accept the consequences for getting a potential ticket. I work for the money that will pay that ticket. I am an adult and am allowed to make that decision.
Alcohol is another issue. A former client contacted me. They had found several bottles of hard liquor in their son's bedroom and in the basement where he had recently hosted a post prom party. They were nearly empty.
In the course of our conversation, it was reveal that the parents had given the overt sign that beer (although illegal) was ok as long as they didn't see it, but hard alcohol was not. These parents were surprised their rules were not followed. I gave them a small education as to what they had to lose if, God forbid, someone who was at their houe left and was caught drunk driving or worse.These are intelligent, well intentioned, church going, professional, adults. Why they would open themselves up to this liability is hard to grasp.
I think, instead of remaining on terra firma, they joined their teenager on that swinging bring.Their desire to perhaps seem "cool" or stay "in touch" with their child made them lose perspective as to the job of a parent. As any one who has ever been on a swinging bridge knows, having more than one person on it makes navigating it more difficult.
I love my job. Earlier in the week I had to tell another set of parents that the only one who was allowed to act crazy while their daughter was a teenager was, the teenager. They seemed to understand what I was saying.
Stay on terra firma folks. The swinging bridge is for the kids.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
All is right with the world
I know, it was supposed to end on Saturday. I made a cheesecake for the occasion. But 9 teenagers were playing hockey in my driveway Saturday morning, with makeshift goals and using brooms as sticks when our supply ran low, and all was right with the world. They organized themselves, and included everyone. Yeah, there was a good deal of ribbing and complaints intermingled with the triumphant goals and blocks, but they did it. Some were on roller blades, some in sneakers. With out fancy equipment, or overzealous coaches giving them pointers to teach them the "right" way to have a good time, they played for over an hour. They played. I had teenagers "playing" in my driveway. & it was one of those moments I wrapped in my heart to remember.
Like everyone else, we are rushed -rushed to get homework done, haircuts, chores, play dates, get to commitments, the gym, work. My kids have the added pressure of being " rushed" between two homes, a definate downside of a divorce. But on this Saturday morning, they got to do what kids, in my opinion, are supposed to do, organize themselves, use their budding adult skills to create order and have fun. I got yelled at for taking pictures. I get yelled at a lot for taking pictures. & in the words of Beverly Jean, my mother, "TS". I know they don't get it, not my job to teach them. Life will show them, in 20 years, the importance of pictures on a Saturday morning when you are playing hockey with your school friends in your driveway. ( the blog is not letting me upload these pictures right now, don't know why.sorry)
In someways, with the impending end of the world, it reminded me of 9/11. THE 9/11. And while our future is as uncertain today as it was on that tragic day, I wanted to hold in my heart the innocence of my children's world. I remember, after spending the better part of that day glued to the horror on television, in the company of the electrician who was working at our house, when Alex came home from school I turned the TV off and we put a blanket out on the front yard. We had a picnic and followed bugs as they traversed the orange blanket his father's family has had for years. They watched in wonder and amazement as these tiniest of creatures made their long journey over our picnic tablecloth and focussed on what was important. Life. Now.
Those boys in my driveway. One just got his license last Friday. I am calling DMV to set up Alex's appointment today. They are all on the cusp. Dangers they don't let their teenage brains dwell on. Let alone the hopeful happy ending to it all,- in two years they will be headed out. Out to that world that could end for any of them in an instant. I do not mean to be morose. I find keeping reality in mind helps me appreciate everyday moments and embrace more joy.
And on last Saturday morning, while 9 boys played hockey in my driveway, and yes crushed my spring flowers, all was right in the world.
Like everyone else, we are rushed -rushed to get homework done, haircuts, chores, play dates, get to commitments, the gym, work. My kids have the added pressure of being " rushed" between two homes, a definate downside of a divorce. But on this Saturday morning, they got to do what kids, in my opinion, are supposed to do, organize themselves, use their budding adult skills to create order and have fun. I got yelled at for taking pictures. I get yelled at a lot for taking pictures. & in the words of Beverly Jean, my mother, "TS". I know they don't get it, not my job to teach them. Life will show them, in 20 years, the importance of pictures on a Saturday morning when you are playing hockey with your school friends in your driveway. ( the blog is not letting me upload these pictures right now, don't know why.sorry)
In someways, with the impending end of the world, it reminded me of 9/11. THE 9/11. And while our future is as uncertain today as it was on that tragic day, I wanted to hold in my heart the innocence of my children's world. I remember, after spending the better part of that day glued to the horror on television, in the company of the electrician who was working at our house, when Alex came home from school I turned the TV off and we put a blanket out on the front yard. We had a picnic and followed bugs as they traversed the orange blanket his father's family has had for years. They watched in wonder and amazement as these tiniest of creatures made their long journey over our picnic tablecloth and focussed on what was important. Life. Now.
Those boys in my driveway. One just got his license last Friday. I am calling DMV to set up Alex's appointment today. They are all on the cusp. Dangers they don't let their teenage brains dwell on. Let alone the hopeful happy ending to it all,- in two years they will be headed out. Out to that world that could end for any of them in an instant. I do not mean to be morose. I find keeping reality in mind helps me appreciate everyday moments and embrace more joy.
And on last Saturday morning, while 9 boys played hockey in my driveway, and yes crushed my spring flowers, all was right in the world.
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| This one it let me load...go figure |
Sunday, May 8, 2011
The other mothers
A comment from one of my readers prompted my thoughts on this blog. She said she could" see Michael saying that", and it reminded me of all the other " mother's my kids have had along the way, and on this Mother's Day I'd like to acknowledge and thank them. I am more than certain I could not have done it with out!
Michael & I bumped into my midwife, Kathy Parisi, yesterday. When I saw her, I turned to Michael and said " Would you like to meet the first woman who ever touched you?" That is profound enough in and of itself, Kathy eased my son into this world, and ( since my kids don't read this I will give her the kudos she truly deserves) She got the 10 lb 2 oz'er out of me without an episiotomy or a tear! My sister-in-law Wendy was pointing out to me that I was sitting on a hard chair 2 days after his birth, wasn't even a thought. She is magnificent!
Christine- the gymboree teacher who loved my boys so much she'd let them all come to one of their sessions( totally against the rules) and gave Alex her son's collection of animal books to support his growing passion at the time. Her love for my babies was evident in every class.
Then there's miss Mary Beth & her staff at Anderson Montessori School, to whom I let go of those tiny hands for the first time, the first three hours of their lives without me on a consistent basis. She eased my pain and helped create the amazing students I have today. I run into her once in a while, and update her about the boys. I wish the schools would send her a copy of their report cards, I see her as deserving of them as I am.
I must mention our Au Pairs, as reluctant as I was to have one, the circumstances in my life at the time necessitated an extra set of hands for a few years. Dani informed me yesterday she is expecting her second child in October and Lisa gave birth to her's last month. I am more in dept to those women, who were not much more than girls at the time they lived with us, than anyone else. They filled in the gaps, made things better, taught me a thing or two and became life long friends along the way.
The women who were my friends who love my children even though they do not have to: Denise, who was granted Alex's first smile at 6 weeks old, even though I was the one feeding him & not throwing him out a window even though he cried 24/7. Diane, who spent many a spring afternoon at the zoo with us. Adele, who trained them how to do Mother's Day right and talks me down and gives me support, and would do anything for them at moments notice. Nancy, Susan, Dorothy, Meighan, Stephanie, Mary Beth, my kids' friends mom who help them & me in an instant. And have become my friends as well.
Then there's the teacher's who went above and beyond and loved my boys: Carol and Julie, Joyce and Barb, Susan and Janice, Chrissie & Pat. During the divorcing years and there after, all these women held my kids and helped me in ways I cannot even explain. I am forever grateful.
So for those who gave birth, and those who earn the title by allowing themselves to love a child who was not born to them, Thank you and Happy Mother's Day.
Michael & I bumped into my midwife, Kathy Parisi, yesterday. When I saw her, I turned to Michael and said " Would you like to meet the first woman who ever touched you?" That is profound enough in and of itself, Kathy eased my son into this world, and ( since my kids don't read this I will give her the kudos she truly deserves) She got the 10 lb 2 oz'er out of me without an episiotomy or a tear! My sister-in-law Wendy was pointing out to me that I was sitting on a hard chair 2 days after his birth, wasn't even a thought. She is magnificent!
Christine- the gymboree teacher who loved my boys so much she'd let them all come to one of their sessions( totally against the rules) and gave Alex her son's collection of animal books to support his growing passion at the time. Her love for my babies was evident in every class.
Then there's miss Mary Beth & her staff at Anderson Montessori School, to whom I let go of those tiny hands for the first time, the first three hours of their lives without me on a consistent basis. She eased my pain and helped create the amazing students I have today. I run into her once in a while, and update her about the boys. I wish the schools would send her a copy of their report cards, I see her as deserving of them as I am.
I must mention our Au Pairs, as reluctant as I was to have one, the circumstances in my life at the time necessitated an extra set of hands for a few years. Dani informed me yesterday she is expecting her second child in October and Lisa gave birth to her's last month. I am more in dept to those women, who were not much more than girls at the time they lived with us, than anyone else. They filled in the gaps, made things better, taught me a thing or two and became life long friends along the way.
The women who were my friends who love my children even though they do not have to: Denise, who was granted Alex's first smile at 6 weeks old, even though I was the one feeding him & not throwing him out a window even though he cried 24/7. Diane, who spent many a spring afternoon at the zoo with us. Adele, who trained them how to do Mother's Day right and talks me down and gives me support, and would do anything for them at moments notice. Nancy, Susan, Dorothy, Meighan, Stephanie, Mary Beth, my kids' friends mom who help them & me in an instant. And have become my friends as well.
Then there's the teacher's who went above and beyond and loved my boys: Carol and Julie, Joyce and Barb, Susan and Janice, Chrissie & Pat. During the divorcing years and there after, all these women held my kids and helped me in ways I cannot even explain. I am forever grateful.
So for those who gave birth, and those who earn the title by allowing themselves to love a child who was not born to them, Thank you and Happy Mother's Day.
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