Rain drops keep falling in my kitchen

I am an Aquarius. That's the only thing that makes sense to me when I have all the water issues I continually have in my homes. I don't know where it started, but as I place the bowls down on the towels in just the right spot to catch the newly fixed leaks in the kitchen I have major flashbacks. As I stated, these leaks have been fixed before, so when the rain stops & the roof dries we will go take a gander.
My worst water issue was a few years back when a house I owned sat unoccupied and unsold for months. After February break, I stopped by the house to check on it to find water inches deep on all but the top floor. The NEW furnace had shut off sometime while I was away and pipes froze then burst on two of the three floors. When the clean up was done, from the edge of the garage, you could clearly see the fireplace a floor up and on the other side of the house. Of course the kitchen, which could have used updating, was unharmed. I had to sell the house at a loss and insurance took 6 months before they gave me anything. I'm still looking for that plumber they said I could get for $55 an hour. Naturally the "professional cleaners" did not recover the parts of the furnace which would have proved a malfunction, cause they work for the insurance company.
I try not to think about.
In my new house, the leaking dishwasher was not noticed for weeks, as it leaked right under the the kitchen floor, and  but not down to the basement. I spent several hours with a crow bar and baseball bat removing the flooring to ready it for the new tiles my brother was putting down for me. I went up to take a long soak in the tub and came back to find the entire contents of the tub had emptied onto my kitchen counter. Apparently the Bath fitter guys didn't bother replacing the old rubber washer when they covered the old tub. Awesome.

It's December 1st. I was supposed to be making my Cranberry nut bread for the holidays. ARGHHH!! Momma said there'd be days like this.

OK ladies turn

Sorry, the holiday had me off track. To continue last weeks blog, let's talk about us girls.

You already know how we work. While we clean up the house, we start in the kitchen, as we are cleaning the counter, we notice Tommy left his baseball cap there. So we run it up to his room and put it on the dresser, close all the open drawers, make his bed, see his laundry is over flowing so we take it down to the laundry, start the load and notice no one cleaned up the mud  on the floor from the weekend so we go back to the kitchen to get the broom and see the dishes left in the sink that we were going to wash before we found that baseball cap. We wash the dishes and finish the counter when the washer is done, we head back to the laundry room, put the stuff in the dryer then remember we were going to sweep the floor from the weekend mud. Head back to the kitchen to get the broom and notice the magazines in the family room we had been promising ourselves we would go thru before we decorate for Christmas. We start to do through them, find a recipe we might like to try, rip it out and bring it to the kitchen and start looking for the ingredients. Oh yeah,we need to make that shopping list, looking for the pen & paper to start the list, go to the computer to check which store has the most of what you want on sale, realize you have not cleaned your computer screen in weeks, head back to the laundry room to get the screen cleaner, walk by the mud for the third time and vow to yourself you will go get that broom RIGHT now, but the dryer goes off and you want to fold  clothes before things get wrinkled...you get the picture. It's just how our brains work. One thing leads to another, in many a cross over pattern.

And no one knows better then our male significant others, while we hold his feet to the fire on a slight at the party last night, and bring up something that occurred over the summer while out on his friends boat. It makes perfect sense to us, cause as you see from the ball of yarn, it's all connected. Remember though, their brains are more like a chest of drawers, and to access what happened over the summer he has to head into the archives, and probably filed under "unpleasant stuff I do not want to recall". That file comes with automatic glue at the top.

Now, you & I know we are not crazy for making 6 month, 18 month, 32 year leaps in our complaints, cause it's all the same THEME...to us. To them , we are sooo confusing. We are as we are, going back to primitive brain, due to what the needs were for survival. While our he-man was out chasing down that zebra,  we "stood barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip" ( ala Gretchen Wilson), tend the fire so we would not freeze at night, watched the older children, tended the garden and kept and eye out for the not so friendly saber-toothed tiger looking to make our young his snack. We HAD to multi-task for survival of the species, just as they HAD to be singularly focused for the same goal. These hard wirings are tough to break. Studies have shown men who are stay at home dads start to develop multi-tasking connections.* Please remember my original disclaimer of gross generalizations, however truthful.

Our option, as I see it, is to appreciate what each does for the good of the species and work very hard to be understanding of what we are dealing with,  you do not expect a bowling ball not to sink when you put it in water. and COMMUNICATE.

On a + note: I am very Thankful my oldest son spontaneously cleared off the tablecloth and PUT IT IN THE WASHING MACHINE WITHOUT BEING ASKED> yes I am yelling, if it weren't so cold, I'd be on a roof top.

On Men & Women- Men first

 It is sometimes hard for me to believe I have been a CT Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist for nearly 16 years. That sounds like a long time & I feel so young! LOL. Through out my professional career I have found a few ways to explain men & women to the couples in my practice. You dear reader, are getting some of my theories without a co-pay needed. Like a PSA, hopefully you will gain some useful information that assists you in finding peace in your everyday life. By the way, smoking cigarettes leads to cancer, don't do it.
I throw that one in with my kids whenever possible.
 So here goes : Men & Women
* Disclaimer gross generalizations, however truthful, are not meant to imply it is true for everyone.

God, in his infinite wisdom has a great plan for all of us. I consider it the original version of " Everybody Loves Raymond". We are created with completely different ways of processing information & emotions, we value different things, we problem solve differently, grieve differently, express ourselves differently, need different things, and yet, we need each other. The species will NOT continue without each other. It is the greatest exercise in stretching and growing a human being can have. Then he sits back & watches us struggle, and stretch, get frustrated and walk away, come back to it and try a different way. All in the name of survival of the human race. Beautifully really.

Lesson one: Men's brains are like a chest of drawer. When one drawer is open, that is the drawer they are currently involved in and dealing with. They may need to close that drawer in order to deal with another, except for when it comes to sex ( which is for the survival of the human race, there seems to be a potential for that in almost every drawer). Women find this incredibly frustrating until I use this description:

Way back when, when the survival of the family depended on the male to get the zebra, that was his single focus. If he noticed the pretty bouquet of wild flowers that Mrs Caveman would appreciate, he might loose sight of the zebra and therefore his family's food for the winter. Death. Therefore brains are hardwired for

singular focus. It's not that they don't want to help, they really DO NOT SEE IT.

Case in point:  Years ago,I took the air conditioner out of my bedroom window, but since I have a weak back, was only able to lay it down on the floor in front of the window. This space also happened to be right in front of my bathroom door. My male friend at the time walked over this 2 foot by 2 foot monstrosity several times, and got back in bed without offering to move it or anything! I was a bit perturbed by his lack of awareness, and I will admit, a bit snottily I said " Does anything in you think, "Hmm I wonder if Cathy wants that there?" He, ever so loving and gentle, propped himself up on one arm and said to me " I will carry that thing to the moon for you,  you only need to ask."

I may get jumped on for saying I am giving men a way out, a cop out perhaps. My experience both in and out of my office has been, men, real men, good men will help. If  only we ask. We need to help them open the drawer so they can help us with what we need. Women hate asking, we are used to being around other women and so much of that is about intuition. More on the females later. For now: ASK your man for what you want/need you may be surprised at what you need to thank him for.

The village needs a prayer

Madison is at 4 o'clock great smile

I guess this could mean a lot of different things. For now, most immediately, It is about my niece Madison, Maddy. She has some strange bacterial infection that landed her in the hospital yesterday and in surgery late last night. They are still working on finding the strain and getting her the correct antibiotic, and until then , we do what is one of the hardest things to do, we wait. And pray.
I am confident with Nanna & Poppop newly admited into Heaven that angels are surrounding the child. So I pray for my brother, and his sons, and Madison's mom. I pray for their patience and strength. Their sense of humor and sense of calm. Wisdom to advocate for their daughter in a health care system that can sometimes be motivated by efficiency instead of care.
We were all involved, as we Clearys are, when there is a crisis. The text messages activated and help given. till 11 last night and starting at 6:15 this morning. We were in touch, this is the season for staying in touch.
This is the time to lean back into those ties that connect us all and ask for prayers for my brother and his family.
Thank you

Side effects of riding in cars with boys

There was loads of advice when I was a new mom or even during my pregnancy,  Folic acid, stay away from the fish, be sure to allow people to help you when you get home form the hospital, it makes everyone feel good. My Gram offered "Eat chocolate. ( like I have to be told that) It will make you thirsty so you will drink more water and produce more milk" Gotta love my Grandma.  Or my personal fav from my Great Aunt Rita " Do not cross your legs when you are pregnant, the baby won't be able to breath" Love those Italian Women!

But no one, and I mean no one mentioned the loss of bladder control. I will admit I was a bit perturbed that peeing on yourself after the birth of your child was not in any of the " What to Expect" books. That it would be completely impossible to make it to the bathroom and get situated before my bladder let loose.  And that it would take weeks to return to a condition under which I dare leave the house, or ingest fluids. I had a sister-in-law that gave birth 6 weeks before I did that failed to mention it. But I had the backs of my other two sisters-in-law who gave birth 3 and 5 weeks after me. I told them. Someone should benefit from my lesson. My own Mom did not mention it! And she did this 6 times! I have since told every pregnant woman I see and to be certain I will not keep this information from my own daughters-in-laws.

So here I am, almost 16 years after learning that first vital lesson. And now I find myself older, having had 2 more children, & 16 years worth of gravitational pull. I am now as good as any of Pavlov's dogs. All I have to do is see a toilet, I am done. My body doesn't seem to care if my pants are on or off. Sitting is purely optional as well. All I need is the visual cue. God help me if I ever need to go to a plumbing supply store. I have taken to walking into the bathroom with my eyes shut until I am "ready".I don't even have to have the slightest awareness that I may need to take care of business in the next twenty minutes. I could have just TCB'd a few minutes earlier. It does not matter. Kegals be damned as well!  Good thing I work out of my house and my downstairs powder room doubles as the laundry room, that's all I am saying.

I know I am not alone, which is why I am saying this out loud. We are not alone, none of us. I have a friend who had her women's plumbing put in a sling, a hammock of sorts, to gently ride out the second half of her life with a little more support and a lot less leaking. I am thinking if they are making bladder hammocks, there is cause for it. Perhaps this too should be shared during that last prenatal visit, or the 6 week post delivery check-up. That there is hope. That there exists a sort of outdoor furniture that can be placed inside your body for comfort and ease. I'd have signed up right away, when I had insurance to cover it.

There's another well kept secret too, I recently found out about. When you are done having kids, and you know you are done. You can have a procedure that destroys the lining of your uterus and there by eliminating YOUR PERIOD. And it takes 90 seconds! 90 seconds- no period ever again! No pills- nothing! Amazing.

We should educated the sisterhood. Take out a billboard on I-84. Only no pictures of a toilet on it PLEASE! Anybody with me?

Strength of a woman

There's nothing like spending a weekend away with another mom to really appreciate all that we as moms do. A friend of mine sent me a song years ago by Shaggyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mILsx_c-vXw&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLLf4XEAZJZ8c, called Strength of a Woman. It's a great anthem. He's a good guy.

As Jane & I are busy trying to get whatever it is our kids hearts wanted for the holidays, including trips to similar stores repeated times to compare prices, on-line shopping, wrapping etc. we do it all, Jane mentions her son asking for just two things for Christmas, one of which was a diamond. She could have dismissed this obviously irrational wish, but no. She saw a large fake one at a store in her hometown that she was planning of getting for him, cause that's what we do, our hearts propel us toward what we think will make those we love happy.

The strength of a woman allows us to endure heartbreak and still love, entertain thoughts of running away ( as my mom often mentioned) and stick around to grocery shop another day. Be ready to strip a child from their most precious phone if one more rude remark comes out of his mouth, only to have my heart melt as I gazed upon that same child,who fell asleep at 7:45 last night, when I went to see if he had put his clothes away yet.

I have had the privilege of counseling women who have had to have the strength to bury their babies,or sister, or husband and get out of bed the next day.  The mother of a toddler who has the strength to endure cancer and divorce at the same time, and still find joy. Women who are so overwhelmed by life's demands, both real and perceived, that they are suffocating, and  yet fight their way back. One step at a time, with a little help from their red tent mates, to create a life where their needs matter as well.

It was Women's Weekend at Settler's Green in North Conway. We did not know this before hand, but saw groups of women, some in pink boas, some in devils horns, Purple feather hats, others tiaras.  We asked,it was a bit unusually so we asked, they were all symbolizing their red tent mates they brought with them to the Super Bowl for some women, Outlet Shopping. I thought about the purpose of our trip, and I am sure most of the other moms out there, and while only worrying about ourselves moment to moment was a treat, (Yes we did get matching sweaters for ourselves to wear too) we were there for others cause that's what we do. And for the most part, we do it gladly. We ask, we listen, we hold, we bury, we cry, we cook, we fix, we learn, we love, we set boundaries, we wrap, we bake, we decorate, we send the cards, we take care of the teachers, we hang the curtains.

As Jane's bumper sticker says " Moms Rock". Cause with the strength of a woman, that's what we do.

Public service reminder from the pit stop

Let's go over this again. When driving in the far left lane, otherwise known as the "passing lane" you should not have a clear lane in front of you to Canada. That means you have 100 cars behind you wanting you to move.
Going the speed limit in this lane is not "passing" speed up or move over.
If someone behind you flashes their lights. MOVE OVER.
If people are passing you on your right, you are going too slow, GET OUT OF THIS LANE!

That's all. I feel better. Having a great time learning about technology.
Have a good night!