Still waters run deep

So I do at times poke fun at #1 son on here. He is the least talkative of my children. Observes more than engages. At times comes off as awkward even with people he knows well, or at least for a long time. Plus he has that missing connections thing. Like when he asked me if we had a skillet or cutting board before making his Culinary project for school. I know I am not a "cook" but I do have to cook, and he has eaten what has been made in the skillet and on the cutting board.The kitchen is right here in the open, not behind some closed door. I would expect him not to know if I had facial moisturizer, although he does know I have that.  We, the other three of us who get the obvious, exchange knowing looks, and wonder about his independence at college.
And then, and then out of know where he says something that lets me know, in that head of his, he is paying attention. He is putting things together. He is going to be OK, and I am relieved.
#3 was having some issues at school. The regular who is "in" and who is "out" stuff everyone ages 11-14 painfully deals with. I of course ( internally) respond most inappropriately wanting to coddle my baby, and physically harm those who have scorned him. ( It is all internal folks. trust me)  Externally I have him list ALL the kids he likes, not just the 6 who turned their backs on him this week, and he hopefully sees the world is bigger than these boys, this school, this town etc...But inside I still hurt for for him.
I also, being a systems therapist, look at how he is treated by his big brothers and see how being left out is a position he has become accustom to, and is perhaps unknowingly recreating for himself, but I digress. In talking to #1 about the current issue and asking him about his own experiences he simply says, " He ( #3) is telling himself he is not as good as them just because they did this. You have to choose your own attitude."
This is not one of my sayings. I have sayings, a few, but this is not one of them, and I am so impressed with #1 I almost do something as foolish as throw my arms around the timid creature, but I know if I want him within my general vicinity at all I must proceed with caution. So I gently slap his leg in glee and ask him where he got that from. He just shrugs his shoulders (the typical adolescent response to anything from, Where's your pants? to How did the dent get in the car?)
Maybe he won't starve to death in college after all.

Making rookie mistakes

Why isn't this called a therdadeter?

I cannot say the number of times I wished I had the knowledge of a pediatrician while I have been a mom. Starting from the first humiliating days when Alex's had his first cold. Now remember, it was my job to keep this kid alive and I took that responsibility very seriously. So when he was all of 9 pounds and sniffling and runny nosey and unhappy ( which with a colic child is very difficult to discern from their everyday unhappiness) I took him to a Saturday appointment at the doctor. You know it is serious if it's a Saturday appointment cause they charged extra for that and we were just newly a one income family. So we went, and the doctor said, " Why are you here?" They really need to work on the non-condescending tone. " Oh," She says, " this is your first child ( half question, half statement all condescension) he has a cold." So okay  a newbie mistake. We left the practice. I know too much to be spoken to like that, even if I don't know the difference between a life threatening stuffy nose and the common sniffles. A few months later, a new pediatrician. Alex had been very congested for a while ( they tried to tell me I should stop breastfeeding ( even I knew that was the wrong answer) ) and his congestion turned into a runny nose. On the phone with the Doctor and when I reported the change with excitement, the Dr commented, and I remember this " It's not as if something was stuck up there and it's now been dislodged and is allowing the mucus to flow". I thought that was a little over the top of him. How am I supposed to know the ins and outs of mucus and congestion, I am a licensed marriage & family therapist, NOT a pediatrician. I bet I could have told him a thing or two about his family life had I had them in a room together too, but I know enough not to do it in such a way that makes people feel stupid.

Fast forward 16 years, we have had multiple stitches,  adenoids removed, a car accident requiring an ambulance ride, several surgeries and more stitches ( in one week) an MRI, allergic reactions requiring speed-limit driving police to take us to the hospital., a drilled finger nail, glasses, a hearing loss scare, broken bones and strained ligaments, and the good ol' air-soft pellet to the eye. So a few weeks ago I notice one of #3's eyes was red, well pink. He had no itching or complaints of pain. I thought it odd, but he wasn't complaining. 3 weeks go by and still no change, so I start to wonder if one of the horrible side effects from last summer's eye trauma was happening behind the scene, so I make an appointment.
Turns out a pink eye means well um, pink eye. He wasn't trying to make me feel stupid, he actually reassured me it is a variation one doesn't often think about. My son  on the other hand, siting my 17 years of experience in motherhood, shook his head at me as we walked out of the eye doctor's office.
And as I do whenever these situations come up, I wished triplet girls on him.

HE smiled at me.

It's Prom season in Newtown. And this is not the Prom's of the 80's. Just logistically it is so very different. Rare is the Junior who has had his license long enough to drive his date. Plus with the 11 pm  car curfew, I am confident there won't be groups of kids camping out at Compo beach overnight like back in the day. ( I was the 4th kid, my parents were tired)
So these teens have the ever classy bus to drive them to their destination with Mom & Dad providing the driving too and from. I'm not complaining, I am sure there will be far less drinking & driving, & other activities teens like to engage in ( or at least that is what I am telling myself.)
Another change is it is no longer "The Junior Prom" it's just called PROM. & the class doesn't spend money sending out invitation that have been picked & designed by the class officers, (secretly also mentally preparing for their weddings) You just simply go and buy your tickets. Rather anticlimactic. I don't even know if there's a Prom theme, or if they will be getting those tacky engraved glasses we gave out.  Perhaps this is a more eco-friendly time. How many prom glasses have made their way to dumps after bouncing through tag sales?
Also different is how the asking goes. Apparently THIS is the big deal, the way to express the individuality taken by the restraints placed on the students. I have heard of a scavenger hunt, a T-Shirt laden group of minions propose at a local basketball game. I was thrilled to be asked for ideas by #1.
He asked me how I was asked. It was unceremonious but exciting each time. We ran through a few different possible scenarios the weekend before Valentines day, knowing V-Day would be the day of the asking. Settled on a Valentine Pez dispenser where a candy was replaced by a note with the word "Prom?" on it. He had to feign inability when his date to be asked him to do a forward flip on her trampoline for fear it would fall out of his pocket prematurely. It must have been hard for him not to display his physical prowess, for fear of exposure. Ultimately the deed was done.
We've been fighting about whether or not moms of the males are allowed at the group picture taking session. He insists it's a moms of females only thing. I have no idea where he gets his ideas from but this is the same kid who, a mere 4 weeks ago asked me if we owned a cutting board and skillet.  I insist if I don't go, he will be mad at himself for the rest of his life because I will remind of  it for the rest of his life.
I did get to take him for his Tux. After introducing him to the salesman, I stepped back & let them get the male type work done. Until, until he put on the jacket, and stepped in front of the mirror. And he turned to me, and smiled.