Here & Now

I have not blogged since the events of 12/14/12. At times I have had thoughts but nothing coherent. I have had rants, but did not feel it would be a positive addition to anything. I have had grief and despair, but nothing you have not had yourself. Today I had a thought I think I can speak to.

In addition to the lives that were lost, we talk about the innocence that was lost. Children, adults, police, EMT's seeing things, hearing things no one should have to see and hear. Our collective hearts ache for them.
The changes in them, crawling back into the saftey of mom & dad's bed at night, fears, the erie quiet some have come to wear like a cloak. I have talked with countless people about the grey they feel, the numbness, being frozen, or the darkness of their despair. And now, children who never gave life a second thought worry.
Some worry "he" will come back, into their school, their home, their room. He is already in their heads & nightmares. When talking of stealing of innocence, I am struck with what he took was our "here & now".
While we wonder, fear and worry about what will happen in our schools, we are projecting to the future. When we can't get to sleep at night, and are tossing and turning we are having nightmares of the past and or worrying about the future.
In my posts on facebook in the days and weeks following the murders I started most with "Breathe". I knew I was holding my breath, I felt it was a safe assumption you were too. By forcing ourselves to breathe & count, we force ourselves to be in the Here & Now. We feel the air come in through our nose, feel our chest expand, hear the sound of our breathe, are counting in our head. All Here & Now. And in that moment we are not in fear, or memory, we are Here.
Here & Now is/are ( someone help me with that one) the only place happiness exists. The only place peace exists. Our children, going through their day absolutley LIVE in the Here & Now. And as they get older we admonish them for it " Don't you THINK about the consequences before you make that decision?" " Didn't you plan for your homework this weekend, when it was assigned on Friday?". Because,as adults, we strive to live in the here & now while planning for the future. It a tough skill.
But little kids LIVE there, and it's where they are supposed to be, completely absorbed in learning, listening, finger painting, kickball. We need to support them, and ourselves to get back to the Here & Now,
Joy is healing. Joy hangs out in the Here & Now. So does Laughter.
I am not always there. I am struggling, at times, to get back to my center as well. But if we follow the children, if we allow them to show us how to get back to Here & Now, we will all be better off.