back in time

Over lunch today the boys and I opened up a time capsule I had created in 2000. We were supposed to have opened it this time last year, but um I forgot. Naturally they were babies, and could not remember anything they had put in it, but upon seeing the trinkets and notes they wrote to themselves again, I'd have to say, it was worth it.
The treasures we discovered included grocery flier ( strawberries were .99 a pint!) the News Times from that day, Can't remember any significant news. I traced each child's hand, and all three ft on a single 81/2 x 11! They enjoyed seeing how much they overlapped now. There were letters Alex & Nick dictated to me that I wrote for them and they signed. Alex's was mostly about Pokeman, specifically picachu ( sp?) and talked about his good friend David, who now lives in NC and Nick went on and on about some pre-schooler named Stephanie who allegedly kissed him for a long  long time. We had pictures from our recent Christmas party that we had held that year, each child sitting on Santa's lap. And also polaroids of each child just as 2000 began, sleeping in their respective beds. So sweet and innocent. Then there were three Kubone key chains, undoubtedly a happy meal toy. Kubone was a favorite of the boys' father, I'm not sure why.
I have kept  a lot of things from when they were small. Each child has their own over flowing bin in the basement filled with mementos of times gone by. Having only sons, my hope is that their wives will appreciate  my boys' history.The favorite outfits, toys, books and crafts, the art work and music that were all very real expressions of my love for them, I do hope one day someone will pull them out an say " This child was loved".
That's really all I can ask, as I face these current times, when my love often in expressed in a lot less fun manners, such as denying a privilege when one is acting out of line, or unlocking bedroom doors to revoke the cell  phone after having been told to "Bite Me" by an ornery teen.  Would a time capsule of today bring the same feeling of warmth the eleven year old one we opened up this afternoon brought? Or perhaps just a sense of relief that this time in our lives has passed. What on earth would we put in it? My oldest is currently into health food and working out, the second "rap crap" and socializing and the youngest loves his books, but I dare not take one to hide it away for a decade again. And where, or where will they all be on this eve at the ages of 25, 24 and 22. I am fairly confident I will not be their company that evening. With any luck I will be down at the beach near David's mom. But as long as they all text me at midnight, all will be good.


Happy New Year!

Cousining

Kaitlyn, Jake, Alanna, Alex, Colin, Mikayla, Nicholas, Ben, Max, Michael, Amanda, Madison, Quinn, Jarred, Ryan, Connor

Having had only 4 cousins that lived in another state, and whom we rarely saw, I  treasure that my kids have so many, and so close by. As siblings we make efforts to make sure the kids have opportunities to be together. Christmas Eve is a wonderful mad house with all 16 kids and respective parents. We have kept traditions, such as Santa arriving to give out books and signal the beginning of the present exchange, even when Santa was one of the cousins. For the past handful of summers we have had what we call " Cousin's Camp". an entire summer day set aside for fun activities together, ranging from Scavenger hunts in downtown Bethel, to a Grandma Bev relay which required the kids to go thru an approximation of what their grandmother's day was like between her two jobs and taking care of her parents. Always present was the egg toss, and food. And when Sean and his crew come to town you can plan on a few occasion's with everyone present.
As with any group of people, some get along better than others, certainly the girls born just two days apart at Danbury hospital have a very cool bond, but all, in their way, reach out to each other in sibling like fashion.You can tell by the giggles or screams coming from the" Man cave" in my house that stuff, good stuff, is going on. I hope the memories they have created together of comradiere and companionship serve them as the grow into adulthood. I am thinking with this many kids, there is very few occupations we will not have some sort of expertise in.  Hearing them share memory stories of vacations spent together, showing concern for each other when life happens is all great training ground for living and loving.
And of course, and an Aunt to such a great group of kids, it is fun to hang out with them all. My kids aren't even home and 8 nieces and nephews just left after spending the better part of the day playing games & hanging out, making memories and being a family

The official position on Santa Claus

The boys are 15, 14 and 12. I have heard stories from friends and family members about tearful realizations, anger and disbelief, sadness of childhood left behind. We have had no such conversations or questions here, ever. I've got three boys raise on a theory of  "If you don't believe in Santa Claus he won't believe in you", taken from a song from my childhood of a similar name. So the official position of the Roche boys is that of neither confirming nor denying the existence of the jolly old Elf. Given that my middle child is named  specifically after him, I think that is wise.
Yes Virginia, and Alex, Nick and Michael, there is a Santa Claus. There is no other way to explain the massive amount of work that goes in to creating the amazing morning we share each year. Who but Santa would know this was the year the forget about Alex's traditional orange flavored chocolate in favor of Gatorade energy stuff, or Micheal's newly reemerged love of all things nerf, or Nick's interest of Jeff Dunham? Who could possible wrap all that, bake all this, gather all things and create a sense of wonder and excitement?
And have energy to enjoy the morning with them?
As on of my favorite Raffi songs states : " Must be Santa".

I have to admit one of my biggest joys is watching they excitement they have in giving and receiving from each other. They are learning to know each other and what a thoughtful gift is. It is gratifying to see they may be almost as good as Santa at this. Almost. In this house, for this year, and hopefully many years to come. Santa rules.

Twas the week before Christmas

And all through the house, so little holiday cheer
"I have homework!" teenagers grouse.
The stocking were hung by the chimney, but who cares?
"We have essays and projects before we get there!"
The children are nestled all snug in the beds
With algebra, science and Spanish tests in their heads.
I don't wear a kerchief, & baseball is the only cap
A sinus headache keeps me from a nap.
When the boys are awake, usually such clatter
I often find myself asking " What is the matter?" ( with YOU????)
Tis the season for dolling out cash
Credit card bills I don't like to rehash.
I hear this Sunday we'll be getting some snow
I can feel my back hurting from deep down below
But that's ok, pretty lights will appear
Letting us know Christmas is near
Moving thru the streets, on ice we go quick
Not surprising in this house to hear me yell " Nick!"
"Leave him alone, Michael's his name!"
The constant teasing is really getting lame.
Get me on home, a cocktail I'll be mixin'
Remembering fondly days I felt like a vixen.
Ah, Christmas is not what it used to be at all,
So magical and warm when they were all small
They told me, those strangers, how time would fly
"Enjoy them now" They'd whisper as they'd walk by
And they were right, how the time flew
I was taller once, now shorter than two.
I still listen though,  for the noise on the roof,
Unfortunately it's leaks, never a hoof.
Each year at this time, my brother comes around
To CT for Christmas, reluctantly he is bound.
I'm always glad to have more under foot
Can't think of a line ending in soot.
Gifts from Grandma Bev will be breaking my back,
" I'm just doing stockings", turned into a Sack.
Each grandchild she made sure will be merry
lots of treats,  sundries and candies of cherry.
The house it is decorated, right down to the bow
On my iron chef in the kitchen, hanging for show
A tradition each year, new cleaners for their teeth,
New on the front door a self lighting wreath.
Cookie swap was today, loved the ones filled with jelly
Loved all of them actually, just look at my belly :-)
I really do try each year to be a bit more like an elf
As I age I take liberties with myself
Got some ideas for the future up In my head
Makes me feel like empty nesting is nothing to dread
I hear them calling, I must return to work,
" His name is Alex," I admonish "Don't call him a jerk"
Wishing for the power to lay a finger aside my nose

the good ol' days

Remembering mommy magic, from which all good things arose.
The sadness builds  inside me like a tea kettle whistle
Turning back time would be like finding a thistle ( in a hay stack)
I have to embrace today, for soon it will be out of sight.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Jury's out

This week I was lucky enough to go into NYC with Jane & her girls and one of their friends. Let me preface this by saying as a woman who had only brothers & now only sons, the girl thing intimidates me a little, Yes I know I am one, but dealing with them and being one is two very different beasts. I know the boy thing & the girl thing is different so it was kind of fun for me to compare ways in which we were.
No surprise to anyone, but living it is a different story, girls take WAYYYYYY longer to get ready. I am not one of them, perhaps having such a large family with military precision created my efficiency, but these little munchkins, not so much. Which is fine, but there's something to be said for 15 minutes from the bed to the car. Girls, well these girls, sing ou tloud in the car. I like that. My boys will do so on occasion, but not like this. As a matter of fact the girls were willing to sing in a singing restaurant, on the street, waiting in lines, in a non-singing restaurant while waiting again, or while eating dinner. All punishable by disownment from the boys but I was in my glory with the girls.  I like that. For me singing brings joy, and not just Christmas joy ala Buddy the elf, joy anytime of year. I like joy, joy's my favorite. So to recap, singing public loud singing girls YES boys No. Getting out the door in a timely manner, Boys Yes  Girls No.

Another thing I noticed is the gift shop phenomenon. With the boys we can get in and out of a building with a gift shop in about 2 minutes. They really do not want a pen with the Empire State Building lighting up when you turn it over, or anything else for that matter non food related anywhere else. After spending time, a good deal of time, waiting for the girls to explore every nic-nac  & bric a brac and charm available in EVERY gift shop we had the potential to investigate, as well as the one and only store in NY where you can get that ever elusive I heart NY t-shirt( I tried to tell them otherwise, I really did), I have a new appreciation for the males decisiveness and expedient nature when it comes to all things shopping. I do understand the females need to take in all information touch, look at and consider. To be fair, had we been to a store I too was interested in, like not the Bridal Shop at Macy's, ( spent some time waiting for them outside of there too. Did I mention they are pre-teens?) I may have wanted to wander a bit myself. But I remain confident no one I know needs a chocolate statue of the Empire State.This was after all their first trip to NYC so we waited. The boys would have HATED it. So perhaps God's plan of three sons does have it's benefit, I am not trying to keep a few calm while one window shops ever. Gift shops Girls Yes, Boys No.

admiring the tree

Picture taking. I am a big picture taker, my side entrance hallway is cover with my masterpieces ( of course that means semi focused pics of my babies) So when we go to NY , or anywhere, the kids know there will be a short amount of time they need to cooperate with picture taking before I go all Joan Collins on them.
" Smile G'D it!" "Act like you are having fun or no dinner!" Girls, or these girls I should say, found picture taking to be almost as intriguing as gift shop browsing. Any string of bright lights or however poorly costumed character they saw; was cause for a stop & take some pictures. I am sure Jane got some great ones, they were really cute all in their Santa hats all day ( another thing my boys, at these ages, would never do, although I did see a good many college aged young men sporting them, so perhaps they will grow into it) :-).  Pictures- Boys limited and contracted ( "You said only at the tree I don't care if they didn't come out or this is prettier, you said we only had to do it at the tree!") Girls -anytime any where "I am ready for my close-up Mr Demille"

All in all, both sexes have their strengths and weaknesses. Girls do appear to require more patience and boys more movement. Hey that's what I tell my clients in various ways every week Hmmmm. Happy Holidays all.

Oh one more thing. If you are going to the top of the Empire State Building, by pass the guys out front selling their version of the trip. Go inside & get it from the real guys. Lesson learned.

Day trips

Sometimes when riding in cars with boys we go on day trips. Truthfully whenever possible, partially because I believe it is a parents responsibility to expose their children to the outside world, and partially because whenever we are at home, for some strange reason there is challenging of the pecking order. If you have boys close in age, you know what I am talking about. If you don't, let me describe what happens. They cannot pass each other in the hallway without shoulder checking each other into the wall, fingers are wiggled in front of each others faces until someone looses it, pushing, shoving, taunting and yelling. Until someone declares some type of victory, or I have completely lost it. The boys have always been in the birth order they are today, they have always been each 19 months older or younger than the next one, no one has gained more age, height or weight on anyone else, why oh why is there a constant caveman like battle for power? Oldest wins, he's bigger and stronger, then the 2nd comes in 2nd , and the youngest is last. That's how it is,  & I think it will be for a good 5 or 6 years into the future. Nonetheless, every time we are alone together for a length of time,they have to test this basic principal.

So whenever we have a free day, I like to get them in the car, where punching each other takes a bit more effort as they can each command their own isle, and get out of dodge. This past weekend we went in to NYC and I heard from my 15 year old words I have been longing to hear for over ten years. We were standing in the middle of Time Square admiring the ball that will be dropping in a few short weeks, and he said "This is cool". He has never liked NYC, a place I LOVE.  He was freaked out by the crowds and the homeless people talking to themselves wandering in circles ( sounds a bit like me though on a bad day) I feel hopeful now that we can head in more often.
We had a great day. ( WARNING unlike in the movie "When in Rome", there are no taxidermy wolves running up the ramp at the Googenheim, which is what prompted me to bring the kids there) There are however lots of nude statues and paintings, which prompted our very quick visit and lots of apologizes from me to our co-ed group.
Oooops.

We went to Macy's, looked at the windows, went to the pop tart store, M&M's, Hershey, the Charmin bathroom stop complete with a video dance along and an MC chatting it up with people waiting in the lines for the facilities.We watched street performers saw the show on Saks exterior, saw the big tree. It was a very different experience for me with the girls than if it was just me & the boys.
And I am happy to say, it was a pleasure. The girls balanced out the day, far less jockeying for position went on, the boys were compliant with requests they would have strongly protested if I were alone with them. All in all a great Christmas success!

One of the dangers

Of riding in cars with boys, is when one of the boys starts to drive the car. Son 1 has been starting to practice. around the block 2-  3 times, in and out of the garage. The usual things to cut ones teeth on. Friday morning we were all off a bit and I asked him to take the van out of the garage. We don't have an easy garage, we have a pole right in the middle of it making getting in and out of the driver's door difficult ( and adding another reason why I am done having children to the list, NO way would a pregnant belly be able to navigate the 5 inches I have to squeeze thru) So on this morning I asked Number 1 to pull the car out while I was finishing getting the littler ones ready.

I came out side to find him out of the car, looking at it, since it was FREEZING out ( have I mentioned i abhor cold weather?) I asked him what was going on. He had no words, he pointed to the edge of the car and to the garage and to the edge of the car and to the garage. I walked around the car to find white paint in a 14 inch area on the car and a fairly good sized dent. A also saw a man/child who needed to get on the bus in two minutes and was close to loosing it. I quickly hugged him, told him it would be alright and got him in the car to get to the bus. He takes things pretty seriously so I tried to make light of it by saying "Everyone gets into an accident, perhaps that will be yours" and "You can actually stop if you think you are hitting something, you don't have to keep moving"  I wanted him to be ok and settled by the time he got to school. I did not think about the backlash.

The next time it was brought up, you know by his brother's to torment him, his response was : "What kind of a mother asks her 15 year old son to back out the the garage when the car is on a slant?" I was stunned. Have I gone so far to keep things calm around here & solution focused that he has no sense of personal responsibility? Or is taking that responsibility too much for him wholly right now?

I had him do what he could, after several friends suggested some magic white sponge that erases all kinds of stuff, ( Thank you again red tent) he spent 20 minutes getting all the paint off the car. He wasn't happy about it. My hope is he felt like he could have a positive impact on repairing something. Even by a cup of water and a sponge. It looks ok now, you'd have to look to see the impact.
Isn't that the truth with most of us? We look ok on the surface, & you really have to look to see the bumps and cracks :-).

So we "survived" his first accident, just like we survived his first B, his first hurts, stitches, surgery. We will go on, facing these risks, milestones and rights of passage. Surviving each in turn, but not without bumps and scratches

Precious moments

I was home alone with my first born tonight, and he was not up to his ears in homework. It was a rare occasion. We celebrated by making a few puzzles and playing the game Boggle. I tried the questions, you know about drugs sex  rock & roll, or rap to be more accurate. We have moved beyond grunting, " Thank you Lord!",

and actual sentences came out. It was lovely. It's beginning to look a lot like the most wonderful time of the year.

The puzzle was a picture I had taken of him when he was about 5 while we were on a hike. He has the best smile, always has. He used to be a lot more generous about sharing it, and it was there in it's full glory in the puzzle. I asked him if he remembered, if he remembered being that happy. Our trips to the farm, hiking, the silly games we played, the forts in the family room, all the years I gave him a piggyback to bed ( till 2008). If he remembered the favorite times of my life. I know he can't possibly remember all that, I do. I know that is part of the burden I chose when I decided to become a single mom, not that being in my marriage would have made it a shared memory/joy. But now there's no chance of anyone else in my life remembering that boy, these boys and their funny stories and
the quiet moments.
I'm a bit melancholy about time this week. My Grandfather's last surviving brother, Uncle Ace, passed away this week.That generation     is gone. We've had four death's in our family this year. It deserves acknowledging, that's a lot of grief.  And after I allow myself to dip into that pool of grief and loss, I know the antic dote is doing what I did tonight. A few clients talked of the older generation feeling left out of life this week. And I have as much compassion for their parents sense of loss, as I do for my clients' anger at feeling manipulated into feeling guilty about living their own lives and disappointing their parents. I also realized I still have over half my life left and there are days my body feels like it's 80. I'm 15 yrs away from being a grandma & my plan was to chase after those little buggers around and build forts in the family room again. I have plans to get my body working right again, I also plan to savor every minute, again, of my own boys, even if I'm the only one who remembers it.

Rain drops keep falling in my kitchen

I am an Aquarius. That's the only thing that makes sense to me when I have all the water issues I continually have in my homes. I don't know where it started, but as I place the bowls down on the towels in just the right spot to catch the newly fixed leaks in the kitchen I have major flashbacks. As I stated, these leaks have been fixed before, so when the rain stops & the roof dries we will go take a gander.
My worst water issue was a few years back when a house I owned sat unoccupied and unsold for months. After February break, I stopped by the house to check on it to find water inches deep on all but the top floor. The NEW furnace had shut off sometime while I was away and pipes froze then burst on two of the three floors. When the clean up was done, from the edge of the garage, you could clearly see the fireplace a floor up and on the other side of the house. Of course the kitchen, which could have used updating, was unharmed. I had to sell the house at a loss and insurance took 6 months before they gave me anything. I'm still looking for that plumber they said I could get for $55 an hour. Naturally the "professional cleaners" did not recover the parts of the furnace which would have proved a malfunction, cause they work for the insurance company.
I try not to think about.
In my new house, the leaking dishwasher was not noticed for weeks, as it leaked right under the the kitchen floor, and  but not down to the basement. I spent several hours with a crow bar and baseball bat removing the flooring to ready it for the new tiles my brother was putting down for me. I went up to take a long soak in the tub and came back to find the entire contents of the tub had emptied onto my kitchen counter. Apparently the Bath fitter guys didn't bother replacing the old rubber washer when they covered the old tub. Awesome.

It's December 1st. I was supposed to be making my Cranberry nut bread for the holidays. ARGHHH!! Momma said there'd be days like this.