OK ladies turn

Sorry, the holiday had me off track. To continue last weeks blog, let's talk about us girls.

You already know how we work. While we clean up the house, we start in the kitchen, as we are cleaning the counter, we notice Tommy left his baseball cap there. So we run it up to his room and put it on the dresser, close all the open drawers, make his bed, see his laundry is over flowing so we take it down to the laundry, start the load and notice no one cleaned up the mud  on the floor from the weekend so we go back to the kitchen to get the broom and see the dishes left in the sink that we were going to wash before we found that baseball cap. We wash the dishes and finish the counter when the washer is done, we head back to the laundry room, put the stuff in the dryer then remember we were going to sweep the floor from the weekend mud. Head back to the kitchen to get the broom and notice the magazines in the family room we had been promising ourselves we would go thru before we decorate for Christmas. We start to do through them, find a recipe we might like to try, rip it out and bring it to the kitchen and start looking for the ingredients. Oh yeah,we need to make that shopping list, looking for the pen & paper to start the list, go to the computer to check which store has the most of what you want on sale, realize you have not cleaned your computer screen in weeks, head back to the laundry room to get the screen cleaner, walk by the mud for the third time and vow to yourself you will go get that broom RIGHT now, but the dryer goes off and you want to fold  clothes before things get wrinkled...you get the picture. It's just how our brains work. One thing leads to another, in many a cross over pattern.

And no one knows better then our male significant others, while we hold his feet to the fire on a slight at the party last night, and bring up something that occurred over the summer while out on his friends boat. It makes perfect sense to us, cause as you see from the ball of yarn, it's all connected. Remember though, their brains are more like a chest of drawers, and to access what happened over the summer he has to head into the archives, and probably filed under "unpleasant stuff I do not want to recall". That file comes with automatic glue at the top.

Now, you & I know we are not crazy for making 6 month, 18 month, 32 year leaps in our complaints, cause it's all the same THEME...to us. To them , we are sooo confusing. We are as we are, going back to primitive brain, due to what the needs were for survival. While our he-man was out chasing down that zebra,  we "stood barefooted in my own front yard with a baby on my hip" ( ala Gretchen Wilson), tend the fire so we would not freeze at night, watched the older children, tended the garden and kept and eye out for the not so friendly saber-toothed tiger looking to make our young his snack. We HAD to multi-task for survival of the species, just as they HAD to be singularly focused for the same goal. These hard wirings are tough to break. Studies have shown men who are stay at home dads start to develop multi-tasking connections.* Please remember my original disclaimer of gross generalizations, however truthful.

Our option, as I see it, is to appreciate what each does for the good of the species and work very hard to be understanding of what we are dealing with,  you do not expect a bowling ball not to sink when you put it in water. and COMMUNICATE.

On a + note: I am very Thankful my oldest son spontaneously cleared off the tablecloth and PUT IT IN THE WASHING MACHINE WITHOUT BEING ASKED> yes I am yelling, if it weren't so cold, I'd be on a roof top.

On Men & Women- Men first

 It is sometimes hard for me to believe I have been a CT Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist for nearly 16 years. That sounds like a long time & I feel so young! LOL. Through out my professional career I have found a few ways to explain men & women to the couples in my practice. You dear reader, are getting some of my theories without a co-pay needed. Like a PSA, hopefully you will gain some useful information that assists you in finding peace in your everyday life. By the way, smoking cigarettes leads to cancer, don't do it.
I throw that one in with my kids whenever possible.
 So here goes : Men & Women
* Disclaimer gross generalizations, however truthful, are not meant to imply it is true for everyone.

God, in his infinite wisdom has a great plan for all of us. I consider it the original version of " Everybody Loves Raymond". We are created with completely different ways of processing information & emotions, we value different things, we problem solve differently, grieve differently, express ourselves differently, need different things, and yet, we need each other. The species will NOT continue without each other. It is the greatest exercise in stretching and growing a human being can have. Then he sits back & watches us struggle, and stretch, get frustrated and walk away, come back to it and try a different way. All in the name of survival of the human race. Beautifully really.

Lesson one: Men's brains are like a chest of drawer. When one drawer is open, that is the drawer they are currently involved in and dealing with. They may need to close that drawer in order to deal with another, except for when it comes to sex ( which is for the survival of the human race, there seems to be a potential for that in almost every drawer). Women find this incredibly frustrating until I use this description:

Way back when, when the survival of the family depended on the male to get the zebra, that was his single focus. If he noticed the pretty bouquet of wild flowers that Mrs Caveman would appreciate, he might loose sight of the zebra and therefore his family's food for the winter. Death. Therefore brains are hardwired for

singular focus. It's not that they don't want to help, they really DO NOT SEE IT.

Case in point:  Years ago,I took the air conditioner out of my bedroom window, but since I have a weak back, was only able to lay it down on the floor in front of the window. This space also happened to be right in front of my bathroom door. My male friend at the time walked over this 2 foot by 2 foot monstrosity several times, and got back in bed without offering to move it or anything! I was a bit perturbed by his lack of awareness, and I will admit, a bit snottily I said " Does anything in you think, "Hmm I wonder if Cathy wants that there?" He, ever so loving and gentle, propped himself up on one arm and said to me " I will carry that thing to the moon for you,  you only need to ask."

I may get jumped on for saying I am giving men a way out, a cop out perhaps. My experience both in and out of my office has been, men, real men, good men will help. If  only we ask. We need to help them open the drawer so they can help us with what we need. Women hate asking, we are used to being around other women and so much of that is about intuition. More on the females later. For now: ASK your man for what you want/need you may be surprised at what you need to thank him for.

The village needs a prayer

Madison is at 4 o'clock great smile

I guess this could mean a lot of different things. For now, most immediately, It is about my niece Madison, Maddy. She has some strange bacterial infection that landed her in the hospital yesterday and in surgery late last night. They are still working on finding the strain and getting her the correct antibiotic, and until then , we do what is one of the hardest things to do, we wait. And pray.
I am confident with Nanna & Poppop newly admited into Heaven that angels are surrounding the child. So I pray for my brother, and his sons, and Madison's mom. I pray for their patience and strength. Their sense of humor and sense of calm. Wisdom to advocate for their daughter in a health care system that can sometimes be motivated by efficiency instead of care.
We were all involved, as we Clearys are, when there is a crisis. The text messages activated and help given. till 11 last night and starting at 6:15 this morning. We were in touch, this is the season for staying in touch.
This is the time to lean back into those ties that connect us all and ask for prayers for my brother and his family.
Thank you

Side effects of riding in cars with boys

There was loads of advice when I was a new mom or even during my pregnancy,  Folic acid, stay away from the fish, be sure to allow people to help you when you get home form the hospital, it makes everyone feel good. My Gram offered "Eat chocolate. ( like I have to be told that) It will make you thirsty so you will drink more water and produce more milk" Gotta love my Grandma.  Or my personal fav from my Great Aunt Rita " Do not cross your legs when you are pregnant, the baby won't be able to breath" Love those Italian Women!

But no one, and I mean no one mentioned the loss of bladder control. I will admit I was a bit perturbed that peeing on yourself after the birth of your child was not in any of the " What to Expect" books. That it would be completely impossible to make it to the bathroom and get situated before my bladder let loose.  And that it would take weeks to return to a condition under which I dare leave the house, or ingest fluids. I had a sister-in-law that gave birth 6 weeks before I did that failed to mention it. But I had the backs of my other two sisters-in-law who gave birth 3 and 5 weeks after me. I told them. Someone should benefit from my lesson. My own Mom did not mention it! And she did this 6 times! I have since told every pregnant woman I see and to be certain I will not keep this information from my own daughters-in-laws.

So here I am, almost 16 years after learning that first vital lesson. And now I find myself older, having had 2 more children, & 16 years worth of gravitational pull. I am now as good as any of Pavlov's dogs. All I have to do is see a toilet, I am done. My body doesn't seem to care if my pants are on or off. Sitting is purely optional as well. All I need is the visual cue. God help me if I ever need to go to a plumbing supply store. I have taken to walking into the bathroom with my eyes shut until I am "ready".I don't even have to have the slightest awareness that I may need to take care of business in the next twenty minutes. I could have just TCB'd a few minutes earlier. It does not matter. Kegals be damned as well!  Good thing I work out of my house and my downstairs powder room doubles as the laundry room, that's all I am saying.

I know I am not alone, which is why I am saying this out loud. We are not alone, none of us. I have a friend who had her women's plumbing put in a sling, a hammock of sorts, to gently ride out the second half of her life with a little more support and a lot less leaking. I am thinking if they are making bladder hammocks, there is cause for it. Perhaps this too should be shared during that last prenatal visit, or the 6 week post delivery check-up. That there is hope. That there exists a sort of outdoor furniture that can be placed inside your body for comfort and ease. I'd have signed up right away, when I had insurance to cover it.

There's another well kept secret too, I recently found out about. When you are done having kids, and you know you are done. You can have a procedure that destroys the lining of your uterus and there by eliminating YOUR PERIOD. And it takes 90 seconds! 90 seconds- no period ever again! No pills- nothing! Amazing.

We should educated the sisterhood. Take out a billboard on I-84. Only no pictures of a toilet on it PLEASE! Anybody with me?

Strength of a woman

There's nothing like spending a weekend away with another mom to really appreciate all that we as moms do. A friend of mine sent me a song years ago by Shaggyhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mILsx_c-vXw&feature=artistob&playnext=1&list=TLLf4XEAZJZ8c, called Strength of a Woman. It's a great anthem. He's a good guy.

As Jane & I are busy trying to get whatever it is our kids hearts wanted for the holidays, including trips to similar stores repeated times to compare prices, on-line shopping, wrapping etc. we do it all, Jane mentions her son asking for just two things for Christmas, one of which was a diamond. She could have dismissed this obviously irrational wish, but no. She saw a large fake one at a store in her hometown that she was planning of getting for him, cause that's what we do, our hearts propel us toward what we think will make those we love happy.

The strength of a woman allows us to endure heartbreak and still love, entertain thoughts of running away ( as my mom often mentioned) and stick around to grocery shop another day. Be ready to strip a child from their most precious phone if one more rude remark comes out of his mouth, only to have my heart melt as I gazed upon that same child,who fell asleep at 7:45 last night, when I went to see if he had put his clothes away yet.

I have had the privilege of counseling women who have had to have the strength to bury their babies,or sister, or husband and get out of bed the next day.  The mother of a toddler who has the strength to endure cancer and divorce at the same time, and still find joy. Women who are so overwhelmed by life's demands, both real and perceived, that they are suffocating, and  yet fight their way back. One step at a time, with a little help from their red tent mates, to create a life where their needs matter as well.

It was Women's Weekend at Settler's Green in North Conway. We did not know this before hand, but saw groups of women, some in pink boas, some in devils horns, Purple feather hats, others tiaras.  We asked,it was a bit unusually so we asked, they were all symbolizing their red tent mates they brought with them to the Super Bowl for some women, Outlet Shopping. I thought about the purpose of our trip, and I am sure most of the other moms out there, and while only worrying about ourselves moment to moment was a treat, (Yes we did get matching sweaters for ourselves to wear too) we were there for others cause that's what we do. And for the most part, we do it gladly. We ask, we listen, we hold, we bury, we cry, we cook, we fix, we learn, we love, we set boundaries, we wrap, we bake, we decorate, we send the cards, we take care of the teachers, we hang the curtains.

As Jane's bumper sticker says " Moms Rock". Cause with the strength of a woman, that's what we do.

Public service reminder from the pit stop

Let's go over this again. When driving in the far left lane, otherwise known as the "passing lane" you should not have a clear lane in front of you to Canada. That means you have 100 cars behind you wanting you to move.
Going the speed limit in this lane is not "passing" speed up or move over.
If someone behind you flashes their lights. MOVE OVER.
If people are passing you on your right, you are going too slow, GET OUT OF THIS LANE!

That's all. I feel better. Having a great time learning about technology.
Have a good night!

Pit Stop

Occasionally I need a pit stop from riding in cars with my boys. The purpose of a pit stop is to refuel, check systems, a break from the race. A little talked about advantage of divorce is 2 weekends a month to spend however I would like. Honestly most are spent still on some field somewhere watching one of my athletes do their stuff. Sometimes though, it is truly about me. Like this one.

My marvelously, wonderful friend Jane & I are escaping to her New Hampshire hideaway to spend a girls weekend getting ready for the holidays. Jane is an amazing woman, you may have read about her as the mystery nurse who saved a child's life on a beach in Massachusetts by administering an Epi-pen. She casually mentioned her heroism as we were floating in the waters of Cancun several years ago on another pit stop. Thats Jane, national attention swept into her life for a brief period of time, then life goes on. I believe as a nurse, being exposed to the realities of the human condition in the most raw form, Jane has a certain acceptance and a lack of pretentiousness that is rare. And I treasure it.



Jane & I with too much forehead at the cape



Jane is the type of friend that I can count on for 100% honesty, crazy situations and hilarity. I actually refused to take her phone calls for a few days after a recent surgery because I knew she'd make me laugh and it would hurt too much. I can also count on her to keep me grounded. In telling her daughter why she would be missing her cheer competition this weekend due to our plans she told her." Life happens  and you need to make time to spend time with the people you care about and this is a traditions Cathy & I have done and want to carry on, and you will have other competitions I will see." I love her for that. She's also the second person, mom being first, to call me out on grammatical errors on this blog. She encourages me, challenges me, supports me and is a great example of juggling it all, successfully.



Take your pit stops, make sure you have an awesome pit crew, make time for the people you care about, including you.

.

the next step

I have a sophomore & 1/3. My mind has already started to think about his future, his options, what his best choices can be. I hear from friends with older kids college visits are important. I have a hard time believing going to a campus can truly give you a feel for the college, but ok. This is a far cry from my college experience.

I was all set to go to SCSU, rooming with a friend from high school, a handful of us were going. I remember getting the tuition bill, I believe it was $2700 for the semester. I had some money saved but turned it over to my parents. My mother walked in my bedroom a week before I was supposed to leave for school and said, " We have no money to send you." I had already tried grants, had received a scholarship from Catholic Women's Charities ( I don't even remember signing up to be considered for it), I was counting on my parents to take care of the rest. With the news that my plan was not going to happen ( for the life of me I do not know why no one suggested I get a student loan) I took my transcript, drove to WCSU and enrolled in class there. I worked as a waitress during the days and took classes in the afternoon and evenings. For a while I lived at home, then with roommates. I made the tuition payment and ate ramen noodles for a month or so at a time. It was work, and very little fun.

With God as my witness, this will not be my sons' college experience. ( Ala Scarlett O'Hara)
So Sunday we sat down at the computer and looked at the on-line programs designed to help sort through the seemingly endless possibilities of schools. My hope was to generate a list of maybe 20 solid options and work that list down to ten when it is time to apply. As I read through the list of potential majors he was instructed to write down anything he thought sounded interesting. When I was done, he had two things on his list out of the 75 I read. I asked him about it and he said " Mom I have no idea what half those words mean". I tried taking another approach. I forget sometimes how young 15 is.
City or country? Within driving distance or far away? What sports are important for you to be able to play? Bowling, darts? Beach or mountains? Big school or small? & A whole lot of " I don't know"s.

So I took another stab at it.We (I) randomly picked schools and pulled up a screen that matched his GPA with their requirements. He has a strong GPA so it looked like that was not our best option for whittling down the list. As we do not have the PSAT scores yet, we were just fishing really. I looked over at my son, who was now curled up in the fetal position on the ottoman he had be perched upon, and asked him what he thought. Ha Ha Ha poor kid. We have an appointment with his guidance counselor next week.
But my question, more experienced parents, is how do you do this?

Teetering

Is anyone else teetering out there? I find myself lately suspicious of how good things are going. I know it's wrong. I actually have a certificate in how that is not the place to be. I'm neither here, nor now, which is were the joy and gratitude are present. I am teetering. Cause things are good, really good. So why am I feeling bad?
The kids rocked the first marking period. I mean unprecedented ROCKED it! My practice has never been better. I am surrounded by amazing women in my "Rent Tent", Mom's good, brother's, wives & offspring all good. Check Check Check.. And we are headed into my most Favorite time of the year. and yet
There's this nagging feeling with the teens, it's a bit of "what you see today may not be here tomorrow". All three boys are down in the man cave, two working on homework without one ounce of prompting from me, the third, homework finished, just returned from some good old fashioned leaf jumping with his neighborhood friend. I should be all "Ahhhhh". I want to be all " Ahhhhh" and yet.

Nanna & Poppop with Alex

I am in mourning, I keep forgetting. My gram, the largest single source of love in my life, passed away in January. And I keep forgetting, it still hurts. I still miss her, I'm still sad. And it's okay. I was worried, ever so cognisant of what loosing her here on earth meant to me, that I would feel this vacuum of love just leave me. Thankfully I didn't. I do feel her love with me, and I am still sad. I had to go on, we all have to go on. Strange how life doesn't stop when you want it to or think it ought to. I go through my days, building the practice. having my life and every once in a while when everything should be a major celebration ( they really rocked the marking period and I did so well last month I am off my graph chart for my practice) I can't seem to get there. And I realize, I am still sad and it's ok.
I know what she would say. I heard her talking to me last night while I was at her house, covering the windows for my mother. She said " That's good enough, Kitten, sit down and rest now" I was always Good Enough for her. How lucky was I to have had someone send me that message always? How I pray I am doing the same for the boys.
So I teeter, they are doing great, but will it continue? Have I given them what they need to keep going? Have I taken good enough care of myself? How do you do it parents of teens, how do you balance and let go  and be there all atthe same time?
I think I am going to pour some wine now.

outside the box birthdays

Years ago I decided I was not going to give my kids Birthday presents. I gave birth, you are welcome. Instead I though having them experience something they have never done before would be far more interesting  and exciting for the whole family. So each year, three times a year sometimes all of us, sometimes just the birthday boy, does something new. It is a fun process coming up with ideas, some are simple, some costly, all hopefully adding the memory banks of their fun.

Most recently Nick, my middle, spent his 14th birthday adventure camping out in the field under the stars behind out house. With four of his bravest or craziest friends. It was a right of passage of sorts for him. He was proud to have made it. Some of Nick's choices have been to go to a skate park, on a hot air balloon ride, which we managed to do before school one fall morning, have videos put up on Utube, have a surprise party, again pulled off before school. His friends showed up at 7:15, we had pancakes and everyone was to school by 9, It was pretty cool. Nick's first one was pretty funny. He wanted to take a plane ride over our house, luckily this can be achieved pretty easily at Danbury Airport, poor Nick feel asleep for the entire 20 minute ride, but Alex & their dad enjoyed the trip.

Alex's desires took us to a NBA game, unfortunately during a blizzard, but it's all good. He has gone ice fishing, had a whipped cream pie fight, silly string fight. I look forward each year to what they decide.
Michael had his first Big Mac one year, had ice cream for breakfast, met friends for ice cream for lunch, and an ice cream cake for dinner another. We went to a Monster Truck rally, had a surprise party yet another.

All in all, these traditions of new experiences valued over a gift, it's a good thing. I am approaching my 45th. What to do what to do......

My Daughter

I didn't even know I was pregnant. Certainly with three boys under 5 I was too tired to remember giving birth, or caring for her in those precious early days. As with most later born children, I didn't make her a Creative Memories Album, as I did the boys, I actually do not have any pictures of her. But it is an indisputable fact that at some point in time a girl child joined our family. And as with any child that is not given enough positive attention, she was TROUBLE.
Any broken toy was her doing, spilt drink, toilet paper draped in the bathroom sink,  tumbled over plant, back door left open for the dog to escape, missing car keys, all her. She was very busy. Her name was called out by far more often then all three of the boys combined, her FULL name, so you know what that means. We tried to include her, she has a Christmas stocking hung with the rest of the family. But she continues to wreck havoc in the house.


See I didn't even get her a dog



Oh her name.: "Not Me". I'm not big on the two names as a first name thing, but it seemed to fit for her. Actually "Not Me Lucy " she was declared one Christmas season as her stocking, which was doomed to be filled only with coal, again, was hung at the chimney.



For all of her naughtiness, Not Me Lucy was a huge help when the kids were little as well. Her easily taking responsibility for any less than appropriate behavior cleared the emotional energy from "The Blame Game". ones of my boys' favorites, to "The Solution Strategy", my personal fav. A conversation would occur that went something like this, " Well I understand Not Me took out all the toys and threw them around the playroom, but since I can't seem to find that girl, I guess it is up to us to clean it up, how should we approach it?" Then we could all grumble about that Not Me Lucy and what an inconsiderate child she was for leaving us with such a mess, but be together in cleaning it up and in on the joke, with no hard feeling bouncing back and forth between us. The boys were always very willing to help fix what Not Me created, which was my goal all the time. The boys still talk about her, most often when her stocking comes out. I do believe they appreciate her taking the heat, even if they really had to make her mistake right.

There will always be something, someone, some giant Not Me out there creating a situation.  They are in our lives everyday, in adult form even. Still wrecking havoc, taking no responsibilty and leaving the mess for others to clean up.We can spend our time looking for whose stocking deserves the coal, or we can just roll up our sleeves and make it better.I think the later is much more fun.

My Red Tent

If you are a woman, The Red Tent by Anita Diamant is a must read. Just as " Are you there God, it's me Margaret?" spoke the universal language of girls confronted with their changing lives, The Red Tent speaks to our inner world, our strength , our sisterhood. It speaks to biblical times and the lives of women, how their own community provided support and strength when children were born or died, or due to a husband's betrayal. Women caring for women, much like we do today. It works.

I am fortunate enough to have many amazing women in my tent. Although biologically sister less, my sisters today provide comfort, strength, guidance and laughter ( and they never stole my favorite jeans in high school
or pulled my hair) I recently needed to activate my sister friends while I was in need. and without flinching, or eye rolling they were there, doing more than I had asked, naturally. Because that's what they do. I cannot thank them enough, but to be there in their tent when their time comes. And the time comes for all of us.

We are there for each other to comfort and console, to listen and laugh, to tell someone to put the big girl panties on, or to commiserate at the injustice of the system, the world, life. We love each other's kids, see the possibilities, motivate, encourage and cheer on. We bounce off ideas, situations, help with carpooling, medical advice, mirror advice, shopping. We bring meals, organize people, make things happen. That's what we do. We are women, we are life.

I am frequently faced with frustrated women in my practice who have not taken the time to develop their tent of women, who are angry at their husband's or boyfriends for not fulfilling the role. And we talk, cause that's what we women folk do, we talk about all the great things men do and who they are, and we talk about what they are not, namely, women. Their socialization process is very different from ours, and it serves as equally valuable a purpose, even if not convenient to our own.  So it is up to us to make sure we have women in our tent, and equally important that we are in, and useful in the tent of others.

I see it with my mom and her friends, most divorced or widowed, in the autumn of their lives. They makes plan to go to the city together, if someone is on an errand to an unfamiliar destination, she finds a side kick to go with her. They have monthly gatherings to check in and daily talks to weave the web of connection. I worry less about her because I know she has them, as I am sure my boys worry less about me because they know of my strong and stable network of amazing women who support me.

So thank you all, and you know who you are, for being there for me. For picking me up, for making me laugh, for feeding me and cleaning up around me, for caring for and about my boys. Thank you for your love.

54 days

Don't hate me because I love the Christmas season, and judging by my middle son's selection in music when he was told to turn " that rap crap off" he does too. I am proud my kids can sing along with Perry, Dean and Bing. Perhaps not life skills, but certainly happiness skills. So I found out on facebook this morning we have 54 days till the big day. Anyone who knows me knows there is no one big day. From Thanksgiving on I am all Christmas all the time, from having the house decorated by the time the weekend is over, to a tacky clock in the kitchen that chimes a different carole on the hour. We got rid of the house phone recently so there will be no more festive jingle announcing our lack of availability to get the phone, that's a bummer. My brother Sean and his family come up which has the house bustling with extra people and another playmate for my dogs. I love the bustle.  I have always just enjoyed my affinity for the holiday, but recently wondered why the feelings only crop up this time of year for me.

So it all got me thinking, am I this simply to get sucked into the  commercial machine that builds this month up? What's different really? Why am I so much more open to happiness and love, kindness to strangers and childlike wonder? Years past, the Christmases of my childhood were filled with family, and family stress, delight and disappointment. There was something special in having Mom all to myself to baked cookies with, or to be called upon to help with decorations my brothers barely cared about. Perhaps it was that attention that has me looking forward with fondness to the season.

Years ago I remember complaining with a fellow therapist friend of all the things on my to-do list before the holidays, Just the sheer overwhelming quantity of stuff to get done. She stopped me and said, "If you insert the word " want" where you are saying " have" how does that change it?" And it did I wanted to buy presents, I wanted to bake cookies, I wanted to get a great picture card of my boys. It changed things greatly. ( good to have therapist friends)

I have adopted that strategy ever since.Without my own real daughter ( two goddaughters and Not Me aside.)* more about her to come, I have tried hard to give my boys traditions they appreciate without too much effort into things that do not matter to them. Gone are the days when I bake a different  batch of cookies each night, I just picked up two boxes of Alex's favorite Peanut butter Blossom mix at Costco. Nick loves the music and my " Elves Themselves" collection. Last year he created a power point presentation parody for the family of a favorite Dixie Chicks Holiday Classic. Michael is always willing to help in the kitchen, long after the other two have given up on cookie cutters and flour. So I do hope I am giving them memories that will last, and holidays filled with joy and love.

In our twenties, my friend Jane & I used to get together and wrap present watching Holiday movies, Holiday Inn is my favorite, but Elf is a close second.  We stared this practice again last year and it is a great excuse to pause life and spend time with someone who means the world to you. Jane reminds me of this often, she is a great example.


So for me, the next 54 days, and hopefully some time after will be a little more upbeat, a little more warm, a little more kind, a little more Christmas.
"Let me be the first to wish you Merry Christmas this year."-Steve & Edie