Don't mess with mother's instinct

So, I have been waiting for this to happen, the innocence of adolescence to have it's inevitable break-off into rebellion. For as much as #1 takes his space, he does (did) always stay in between the lines. Until last night. & I had a feeling... Gotta love Mother's instinct. It warns, it protects. It teaches you the silence you sometimes hear is a cry for help, tells you to go back home, even though it doesn't make sense to, and draws on the deep connection between parent & child. So last night, when he was around me, and his energy was a buzz, I had a feeling, and I did nothing. It has to happen, I cannot control all, nor should I, so I did nothing.

But this morning, when the feeling was still there I cruised by the house he was supposed to have been at- no car, then his regular sleep-over haunts, after each one, no car. Then I called his dad. He confessed to me later, he initially thought I was crazy for driving by all the houses. I could have called #1- but I knew he would not be up. So instead I called the parents of all the regulars.

What I uncovered was an elaborate web of attempted deceit. Bill was allegedly slept at Mark's, Mark allegedly slept at Brian's, Brian was supposed to be at Robert's etc. The result was a large amount of angered parents, in disbelief, at this man hunt for my son, and then their own. One mom went to check bed's to see if maybe someone was there. But no such luck. & at the same time- classic

So the next step was finding him. He was where he usually is, at NYA working out, or on his way there. He knew, when he picked up the phone & I said, " stay where you are I am on my way". The gig was up. His Dad beat me there, and I arrived to a shaking, pacing teenager, and his dad standing in the parking lot. There had been a party they wanted to go to. He thought I'd have said "NO", apparently the entire friend group decided their parents would say "no" so instead of giving us a chance, they took matters into their own hands and lied. On top of it, he drove, w/ people in the car. I think I was most upset about his lack of giving me a chance.

So consequences have been handed out. Hugs and apologies made. & I am sure I have sprouted a gray hair or two this morning. And we add another thread to this complicated quilt of our relationship and lives together. & mostly I thank God it took until he was 16 1/2 before anything like this has happened & I had the trust in my gut instinct to risk looking like a fool as I drove all over town searching for him.

Thank God for the village-

Nick's response to the whole thing;" He should have parked his car at the house he told you he was going to be at then gotten a ride to the party." - I think I am in trouble with that one.

lesson's on the road

Nick's best bud & my part time son, Matt, had a devastating event happen in his life. It's not mine to tell, and in some ways, the event is  no where near as important as the lesson the boys learn from it all. Stuff that kids should never have to deal with, adults either for that matter, but somehow we are supposed to be tougher.

It was like every other day, well almost every other day. Laz, Matt's dad, dropped Matt, Nick & their crew off at Blue Jays to go apple picking. The boys wanted to do traditional fall activities, I was working a booth for Cultural Care Au Pair ( contact me for info)

 and gave Nick a 20 and sent them off to the orchards. When they were done they wanted to go get wings at a local sports & wings hang out place. It was really an  enjoyable afternoon. We got home & the kids went out on the trampoline. a regular old beautiful Sunday afternoon.
The Matt's mom called. I could tell immediately something was wrong. Everyone was ok, but I took Matt home for  few hours. Nick texted periodically with appropriate comments. " What can we do?", " Tell them I am here for them" The important moment came when we got home.

While Matt was getting things situated in the kitchen, Nick was in the Man Cave. I was curious why he did not come upstairs. I went down to see him . he was playing a game on his itouch. " He's back" I said. Nick nodded. " You need to go upstairs and see him." He ignored me. Playing his game. I started getting annoyed.
I did not want my sons to shy away from feelings. Feelings may be  uncomfortable but they can be managed & I was flooded with all the adult men in my practice who will do just about anything but feel an uncomfortable feeling. And all the women who sit in my office, feeling alone with their husband sitting 3 inches away from them. I was not going to let him lose this opportunity to feel bad and handle it. So I said. " You are not going to leave him hanging up there. You are going up stairs, giving him a hug and saying " I'm sorry"" Nick had tears in his eyes, and wasn't moving. "Now" I said. 

He walked by me wordless, and wiped his tears as he went up the stairs. A few minutes later I walked in on the besties hugging it out in my kitchen. Not a word was spoken, but none were needed. Being there- is- being there.

When I went in to say good night to Alex, I said to him, "Have you seen Matt?"  " Is he here?" he asked.
" Yeah , he is downstairs."  " Oh," says Alex.  Not breaking his stride in getting into bed. " I feel really bad for him."  Oy vey- " You could tell him that," I coach, " Go downstairs, he's here." 
" Nay, that would be awkward:" he responds, pulling the covers up to his neck.
One at a time I guess.
I'm proud of Nick, really proud. we all need to teach our children they can handle their emotions, even the difficult ones. Just feel them, do not be afraid of them.
And the lesson, besides Nicks, is that life changes in an instant, any instant. I had complained to two different people about being a little bored lately that very morning. - no more. I was reminded that day of how precious our blessings are, and how they can be taken away in an instant.