Lessons from mother nature

Check out this great MSN video - Bear Cubs Rescued From Dumpster

I will admit, may have already admitted this, when the boys were babies, I watched animal planet a lot. I figured they have been doing this parenting thing for a long time without the need for prescription meds, therapists, and a juvenile court system. So, I turned in and paid attention.

Certainly three boys can appear like bear cubs. My family room cushions were on the floor more than they were on the couches, clothing was optional a good deal of the time, affectionate wrestling , warrior yells and pretending were all common occurrences. I think, for the most part, so far Mother Nature was a good mentor.
So I watched this video, and was reminded of some of the basic tenets I  embarrassed when they were small. Don't do things for them they can do for themselves. Sometimes you have to stand nearby pacing and watch them struggle. Help can come from unexpected places, be open to it. Never turn your back on danger. As soon as the strongest is safe, start leading again, your movement will send a message to the weaker ones that you expect they can handle it. Trust that deep down inside, despite their adolescent stubbornness, they know they should follow you because you are wise, you are strong , you are the momma bear.

Alex had his senior pictures yesterday. I cried ( not a big cry, teary that's all), he said " Stop it". :-)

She keeps teaching

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."` Emerson This poem was used as part of the eulogy for my Supervisor Jane Lobdell. You would have thought it was written about her. I aspire to have it be true about me as well. Thank you Jane for guiding me, even after you've passed.

The tough job of being an adult

*I wrote this in the week leading up to the last game, a game they played hard but ultimately did not win. That fact does not change the points in this, what is likely to be, an unpopular post.

Decisions decisions. So much of parenting is about decisions making, Breast or bottle?, time outs or distraction? pre-school? Montessori? Force them to wear hats & gloves or let them learn what cold feels like?
I made my life somewhat easier in that the boys mostly make my decisions for me, by their behavior. Early on I realized the power of natural consequences, and luckily for all of us, they do their homework, chores, get the good grades, so I rarely have to say "No " to anything.
Now I am faced with a decision I resent having to make. My 8th graders' football team is doing really well. One win away from being invited to the National Championships in Florida. Kudos to them, they work hard. And this is my problem, what adult or group of adults felt that 8th graders NEED a National Championship? What group of football lovers thought 13 year old's time is better spent, out of school, playing football, at great  financial expense to the adults in their lives? And for what? An Uncle Rico moment of reliving what they had when they were 13?
These boys, from Newtown CT, are most likely NOT going to the NFL. We have some talented players, don't get me wrong. I am sure more than one football scholarship is in the making on this team. But is this extravagance necessary? Can't we have 50 state winners? Where has youth sports lost all perspective?
My son is not one of scholarship eligible, but I am confident I would feel the same if he got in more than his 4-6 plays a game. It's football- not brain surgery. I hate that some group of adults have made a decision that forces me to make a decision of having him participate in something I do not believe in.
I grew up with football. All 5 of my brothers played for all or most of their childhood & high school years. Heck, I was the mascot for my high school team when I was a senior. I understand the game, I enjoy watching it. My brother, a former football star in his own right, also thinks youth sports has lost all perspective, feels my son should go, even though he is likely to get in only 8 plays, because he is part of a team.
I won't go, I cannot lose a weeks worth of clients in between Thanksgiving and the Christmas holiday. But that doesn't mean he can't go, his dad may take him, or he can be sent with another family on the team, both of which makes me feel like crap. Certainly to fly down for the final game is cost prohibitive and ridiculous. Why do we adults do this to each other & to our children?
I am assured it will be fun. I am a big lover of the fun. Aargh.....
Why do we amp up the ridiculous? I remember hearing a dad justifying travel baseball, where you have to spend weekends at hotels, as necessary for the kids to learn how to travel. Are you kidding me? And what is the effect on the child? I get complaints all the time from parents that kids "these days" have no perspective. Well gee, when  athletically blessed kids get to take a week off of school to stay in hotels to play a few games, what can we expect of them?
To make matters worse, an elaborate plan of basically begging for money at churches and companies was quickly being put into play,(if we won). I was embarassed that it was being asked of the kids. There are families out of work, for years, families in need of food , heat, clothes,the Holidays are coming and we are going to set out 35 boys at ask for support so they can go on a trip to Florida, to play football ? Really? And the KIDS have lost perspective?

These M & M's aren't good for you either 

So I understand I am "old", and just like parents of the 50's were concerned about Elvis and his gyrating pelvis, I have concern about my children and what they listen to. I played Raffi, and classical music in the background while they were growing up. When we wanted to rock out, the Wiggles were there for us to dance party to. "Hip Hop Noel" was a favorite from Disney at the holidays.

I have not liked, but have tolerated, to a point( three swear words and the son must be changed, sometimes we don't make it thru the first stanza) my very white, a little preppy, health conscious and academically responsible boys' affinity for Hip Hop & Rap. I even went so far as to take one of them & their friends to a concert. But what I heard yesterday just threw me over the edge. It did.

When the boys were young we often sang the duet of  Carly Simon & James Taylors' " Mocking Bird" when I was putting them to bed. It was fun, and a good memory. Some nights when we had more time we played a game where they would throw out a word and I would sing a song that had that word in it. That was pretty cool as well. Until, well #2, always a precocious child,one night he threw out  "Testicles" ( we were anatomy appropriate in my house no "gaslapogus", or "vajay jee" for us)  & I had to admit defeat. I knew of no song, nor did I ever care to know of a song, that contained the word testicles. it's not melodic

So we are driving yesterday and he puts on his rap crap and I hear the word "vagina"  in a song, yep, "Vagina"  Are you kidding me? There are not enough words in the English language to use we now have to use basic anatomy words for songs? Are we singing about ovaries yet? How about a pancreas?

What gets me more then this, is what does the future hold? The sexual innuendos of my youth : "Afternoon Delight" prove too cryptically challenging to figure out for today's youth? They have to have it spelled  out with directions of what to put where and details on how things work? What sounds to anticipate and where to leave your number as you leave? Am I being old?

And most importantly, What the heck are my grandchildren going to listen to?