lesson's on the road

Nick's best bud & my part time son, Matt, had a devastating event happen in his life. It's not mine to tell, and in some ways, the event is  no where near as important as the lesson the boys learn from it all. Stuff that kids should never have to deal with, adults either for that matter, but somehow we are supposed to be tougher.

It was like every other day, well almost every other day. Laz, Matt's dad, dropped Matt, Nick & their crew off at Blue Jays to go apple picking. The boys wanted to do traditional fall activities, I was working a booth for Cultural Care Au Pair ( contact me for info)

 and gave Nick a 20 and sent them off to the orchards. When they were done they wanted to go get wings at a local sports & wings hang out place. It was really an  enjoyable afternoon. We got home & the kids went out on the trampoline. a regular old beautiful Sunday afternoon.
The Matt's mom called. I could tell immediately something was wrong. Everyone was ok, but I took Matt home for  few hours. Nick texted periodically with appropriate comments. " What can we do?", " Tell them I am here for them" The important moment came when we got home.

While Matt was getting things situated in the kitchen, Nick was in the Man Cave. I was curious why he did not come upstairs. I went down to see him . he was playing a game on his itouch. " He's back" I said. Nick nodded. " You need to go upstairs and see him." He ignored me. Playing his game. I started getting annoyed.
I did not want my sons to shy away from feelings. Feelings may be  uncomfortable but they can be managed & I was flooded with all the adult men in my practice who will do just about anything but feel an uncomfortable feeling. And all the women who sit in my office, feeling alone with their husband sitting 3 inches away from them. I was not going to let him lose this opportunity to feel bad and handle it. So I said. " You are not going to leave him hanging up there. You are going up stairs, giving him a hug and saying " I'm sorry"" Nick had tears in his eyes, and wasn't moving. "Now" I said. 

He walked by me wordless, and wiped his tears as he went up the stairs. A few minutes later I walked in on the besties hugging it out in my kitchen. Not a word was spoken, but none were needed. Being there- is- being there.

When I went in to say good night to Alex, I said to him, "Have you seen Matt?"  " Is he here?" he asked.
" Yeah , he is downstairs."  " Oh," says Alex.  Not breaking his stride in getting into bed. " I feel really bad for him."  Oy vey- " You could tell him that," I coach, " Go downstairs, he's here." 
" Nay, that would be awkward:" he responds, pulling the covers up to his neck.
One at a time I guess.
I'm proud of Nick, really proud. we all need to teach our children they can handle their emotions, even the difficult ones. Just feel them, do not be afraid of them.
And the lesson, besides Nicks, is that life changes in an instant, any instant. I had complained to two different people about being a little bored lately that very morning. - no more. I was reminded that day of how precious our blessings are, and how they can be taken away in an instant.