"My life is my own making." My old friend states full of remorse. Not immediately picking up on his affect ( Yes, I DO take off the therapist hat sometimes) I responded, " Yeah aren't they all?" smiling. He was patient with me, he cares for me. " Yes", he responded, "and one day we look and say well do I like what I've created or don't I?" He is not happy, but as I look back in my mind, he was never what I would call "happy". It's been 30 years since I have seen him, funny how things do not change.
I have been accused of being happy too easily, well teased is more like it. And here I lay, on my clean, awesome smelling sheets, 3 hours before my boys & their entourages are due home after being away for over a week, 2 sessions in front of me and I am, as I often am, happy. My life is far from perfect, and at the same time, I am very blessed.
As old friends do, we talked of hopes, dreams, desires and how it turned out VS how we hoped it would. He is absolutely correct in saying to me, in 2001 I would never have dreamed of sitting at Meckaur Park on July 1 2011, divorced, with my own business, navigating the dating world and chatting with him. His point was not the beauty of life though. He is filled with regret and anger.I told him , hearing him speak, I was feeling sad, and he admonished me not to feel sad for him. He's right. That's disrespectful. He has made this life. Lessons to learn abound.
Earlier this week I had a talk with my brother about a book idea. All the things we all say we want to do but cannot due to time, money, obligations; what if it were possible? What if time stood still and no ones needs were going to go unmet, what would you do? It was fun to think about. It was gratifying to realize I want the life I have, yes I have dreams. My heart has hope for a great love and moving to the beach. Neither could be accomplished in stopping time for a day or even a few days. But while I tend to the every day things that make me happy, I am hopeful that the rest will take care of itself.
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