Gosh, I'd like to think so. But boy can I think of lots of examples of how I'm not, or how my relationship with my kids is not all I wished it could be.
My last client of the evening, as she was leaving, remarked. "You must have an advanage over all of us, doing what you do, as a mom." I'm not sure what my expression was, I am thinking deer stuck in the headlights. I looked at her husband, who has an adult child, as well as their two little ones, and said.' Feel free to ask my kids in 10-15 years, I am sure they will have stories and opinions." He nodded acknowledgement of the marathon that is parenting, not the crazed sprint each day feels like when your kids are under 6.
Being a mom was something I knew I wanted to be as long as I could remember. I had names, first and middle, picked out for 6 kids in my diaries of my teen years. 6 kids ala the brady bunch. well except for the widowed part. Fish fish I got half my wish ( so far)
I guess I know some stuff. I took parent training classes in my early 20's & again when I actually had kids. (GEEK)And of course years of therapy in training to become a therapist. So yeah, I may no more then the average bear about some stuff. I was always fasinated by child development information or birth order, so I read alot.And I have a philosophy of parenting that appears to be working out so far.
But I also learn ,with great admiration , the ways other people do things. Some of my own clients, with affectionate & honest realationships with their teens, or listening to my sons' friends saying " love you mom" automatically when they hang up the phone (a phrase resevered for the last line of manipulating me in our house) make me feel as if I am doing something wrong. I know Alex's stoic personality, is who he is, and my job is to accept him as that and not focus on what I had hoped our realtionship would be & I feel Nick slipping into the adolescent abyss.
Luckily, on any given night, the judgement is not handed down. Parenting is a marathon and the jury is out for a while ( thank God) . So this stoic, abyss phase will hopefully pass, or atleast change bit before the third one steps off onto the swinging bridge. ( see older post) and with any luck over Thanksgiving dinner in a decade or so, I will get my report card from the boys, or maybe over a quick bite to catch up on their lives, I will hear what I did right, or wrong. How a moment I was not really thinking about mattered, and I got it perfectly for them, or laugh at how hard I tried and failed at other times.
What I have found, is that parents who atleast ask that question I posed above, are generally in really good shape. What I am sure of is we all do the best with what we know at the time, and when we know more, we do better.
Drink plenty of water and stretch we're going to be a while.
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