I've been quiet on here. I know. Funny stories are down, difficulties are up. I know, believe me, I am alive to bitch another day, ultimately it's a good thing. Nonetheless, I've been in a mood. For a while. Have done things I have never done before, not in a good exploratory way. No adventures except to the dark side.
I know where it's coming from, I know what it is all about. I wouldn't be a decent therapist if I couldn't;t do my own self discovery. I am not depressed, been there done that, for a number of years before I finally decided to get a divorce. This is different. But I am still crying a lot, well a lot for me. I save my crying for Kodak commercials, movies where children get hurt and the death of people I love. But now I am crying about 9/11, Lybia, Alex leaving, Alex being a jerk to me while he is here, my mistrust of financial institutions, my uncertainty of what else I want to do with my life, IFS training, DARC training, Montessori school training, Recreational Therapist certification??? I don't know! Nothing is popping out at me which leaves me sitting in uncertainty. Which is draining.
I realized today the last time I was this uncertain I found solace at the gym. Having someone tell me to do for an hour a day eased my mind, and I ended up a size four... So perhaps I do know my next step. and perhaps that step will lead me to the next. If not, I will at least feel a little more like I am giving gravity & mother nature a bit of a fight. Until then, I suggest if you see me, just nod & give me space, I'm not fun to be around.
I am not looking for sympathy. I am well aware it is only by going through these trying time that we appreciate the good, and learn & grow. It is only with the irritant of the sand that they oyster produces the pearl.
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