I was playing a therapeutic game with a client the other day. He picked a card asking him to express the biggest mistake in his life. He's 9. As he pondered his " mistake" I was flooded with all MY mistakes and had to shake my head at trying to decipher the biggest one.
Clearly not thinking the physics thing through, leaving my 3 month old on a hammock while I planned to mow the lawn is up there. My stupidity hit me in time to turn around and see him slide onto the long, soft grass. That was one of the first ones that flooded my mind. No grass mowing for a while.
Then there are the car accidents, none severe, but moments of taking my eyes off the road, to reprimand a child, take a sip of a drink, could have been much worse.
After the session I spent some time thinking over my list. The above aside, most of my mistakes have come from succumbing to my fear instead of living large. The first house I lived in in Newtown was amazing, but after the divorce I was overwhelmed by the 36 entrances & exits on the first floor and being a single mom, so I moved. That's a regret. It had a prefect set up for my office, and a pool. Ah Well.
Holding on to people or things too long, allowing myself to get treated poorly or accept less than I deserve for fear of being alone, in both love and friendship.
Things I wish I had had the self control to hold my tongue instead of saying, but many more things I wish I had had the guts to say in the moment.
I see over and over life is full of choices, some of which will be mistakes. And at 46 sometimes I wish I didn't have to be the one making those choices, but I am, by choice and not mistake.
What I apparently need to learn, is live a little larger.
Oh my client, his was singing loudly the wrong words to a song. To be young again...
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