Imagine the amount of energy used to launch a child out into their lives. Past the gravitational pull of their family, free to fly their own course. A woman I truly see as one of the best mothers I know came to me when her oldest daughter was entering her senior year of high school, in tears. Her heart was heavy with the knowledge that it was the last real summer as a whole family, and except for fortunate times ahead, counting on being together, was over. When we spoke in May she had a very different attitude, more like, " Here's your hat, don't let the door hit you on the way out!" Mother Nature provides for us a shift so we can let them go, it gets harder to live together. They lunge for their freedom, we miss what has been lost. Conflicting needs, desires and viewpoints abound.
As the Aunt of 13 I am in a position to view this several times before living it fully. Although I am quite aware of the torturous process of the slow death of childhood in my own home, I have a 19 year old niece who is on the launching pad and the countdown has begun. There were some problems with the initial launch, which is why she is still on the pad a few months before her 20th birthday. And according to my brother, it is all very painful. Now we can choose to stay in the moment and argue about cleaning rooms and stealing clothes from siblings and curfews, or we can acknowledged what is really happening. She is leaving, as children are supposed to do, and it hurts. It is far easier and more distracting to stay focused on the daily irritations, but I think we all miss out on something if we do that. She is leaving, and it hurts. It hurts us both, the pushing off of and pulling away from the gravitational pull of the family. Neither side in unscathed. But we can make it easier on both sides if we take the time to acknowledge our children a gift that life has given us. We were only promised that gift for a time period, and then the gift has to take what we gave it and go, and become. And if we are lucky, they will want to return to visit from time to time.
It is our job to make sure the launching pad is in good shape, without chunks missing so as to delay launch.
We need to make sure we are capable to do our job and be a solid force for them to push off of, just as they leaned against us when that was required.
I know Alex is on the blocks being driven to the launch site. I am thankful to have the two short years in front of me to look for last minute tweaking double check all systems ready, and enjoy him. I know those years will be marked only by moments of togetherness just like the check lists for the final count down. I look forward to our vacations together as the time approached where Spring Break will take the place of April vacations. I hope and pray I have done all I can do to create a launch pad for him to push off of, knowing that push will be more painful than the first pushes that gave him life. Already the contractions are "You are too tight on me", he said. "What do you mean?", I inquiry. He almost never hears no to any request because he does all I could ever ask of him. He sleeps out most weekends, both nights, goes to parties, has already kissed the garage with my car and basically runs his own life ( brilliantly I might add). " It's just a feeling" he says. And to myself I say "And you are too far away...:-( " But that's what is supposed to happen.In the meanwhile, I am going to invest in a fire retardant suit. Oh wait, I already have one, my dreams,my plans for the future are what I am wrapped in while each child pushes off of me. Get your launch pad ready folks, like it or not, they are going.
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