Precious moments

I was home alone with my first born tonight, and he was not up to his ears in homework. It was a rare occasion. We celebrated by making a few puzzles and playing the game Boggle. I tried the questions, you know about drugs sex  rock & roll, or rap to be more accurate. We have moved beyond grunting, " Thank you Lord!",

and actual sentences came out. It was lovely. It's beginning to look a lot like the most wonderful time of the year.

The puzzle was a picture I had taken of him when he was about 5 while we were on a hike. He has the best smile, always has. He used to be a lot more generous about sharing it, and it was there in it's full glory in the puzzle. I asked him if he remembered, if he remembered being that happy. Our trips to the farm, hiking, the silly games we played, the forts in the family room, all the years I gave him a piggyback to bed ( till 2008). If he remembered the favorite times of my life. I know he can't possibly remember all that, I do. I know that is part of the burden I chose when I decided to become a single mom, not that being in my marriage would have made it a shared memory/joy. But now there's no chance of anyone else in my life remembering that boy, these boys and their funny stories and
the quiet moments.
I'm a bit melancholy about time this week. My Grandfather's last surviving brother, Uncle Ace, passed away this week.That generation     is gone. We've had four death's in our family this year. It deserves acknowledging, that's a lot of grief.  And after I allow myself to dip into that pool of grief and loss, I know the antic dote is doing what I did tonight. A few clients talked of the older generation feeling left out of life this week. And I have as much compassion for their parents sense of loss, as I do for my clients' anger at feeling manipulated into feeling guilty about living their own lives and disappointing their parents. I also realized I still have over half my life left and there are days my body feels like it's 80. I'm 15 yrs away from being a grandma & my plan was to chase after those little buggers around and build forts in the family room again. I have plans to get my body working right again, I also plan to savor every minute, again, of my own boys, even if I'm the only one who remembers it.