Report card time

How often do those quarterly pieces of paper validate, frustrate, reward, condemn, inform and celebrate our children? Somehow as parents, we take those letters and the mathematical signs accompanying them as a reflection of our success as parents. Who doesn't want to see that their child is a "pleasure to have in class", I will admit, I am awed by my own children's grades. And proud, although I take little credit. I am amazed by them. They have out done my expectations and bewilder me( in a good way). But make no mistake about it, They are not a measure of my success as a mom. They are a measure of my kids' ability to learn and follow rules. That is such a small part of my job, and mostly done by others, cause Lord knows I could not teach them to spell to save my life!
John Hamilton, LMFT ( my people) gave us a report card to use with our children. A real look into what our job is as a parent and hopefully some honest assessment from the most important work of our lives.
Here it is:
How am I doing as your parent?
What am I doing well?
What could I do better?
Who believes in you?
What are the messages I give you that tell you I believe in you?
Is there anything I do now that influences you?
Do you feel you can tell me anything?
What do I do that gets in the way of you talking with me?

Do you feel I am honest with you? ( Careful about the literalness of a 12 year old and a chocolate delivering bunny)

Do you feel you know me?

Is there anything you would like to know about me, like what I was like as a teenager?

There was a good deal of discussion about levels of honesty. My rule is, relevant disclosure only. Your child is mostly asking because they have been exposed to something bigger than they have had to deal with before or they are curious about their life. BALANCE : be human, but not full exposure where your child will not know how to process what you tell them.

A few years ago #2 asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I knew he didn't need an age, he needed to shock me ( succeeded), and he needed to hear what I did say which was "We can talk about anything you want to about sex, the emotions, responsibilities, potential hazards, morals, my hopes for you, the nuts and bolts of it, so to speak, but under no circumstance is my sex life ever any of your business." And we have talked about it all, do so almost every other week, there's alot of ground to cover, and I'd much rather he cover it with me than out there.
 This report card, the one for your child to give you, is a great resource. I hope you all make the honor roll!