Transition

Remember that time during labor when you are waiting for the cervix to dilate to 10 cm? The contractions are getting worse, stronger, longer and closer together.  The pain is fairly excruciating. The light at the end of the tunnel is hard to focus on because the now, well it sucks. Well if there is the equivalent in the launching process for adolescence, I think we have hit it.
Don't get me wrong. My kids are any parents dream. ( if I say so myself) They help around the house, ( not without grunting, but I expect grunting) the are excellent students, they are physically active and respectful, most of the time. Their music is horrendous, but I think that's a right of passage too. Michael asked me this morning why I listen to "my" music, kind of why am I stuck on " Don't worry be Happy". I told him most of us get caught into our generation's music, and he will too, unless he realizes Emminem is badly in need of yoga & therapy.

So to my son:
When you were born, driving home from the hospital, I had this overwhelming feeling of fear and inadequacy. They let me take a baby out of the hospital. I have to keep him alive or a lot of people will be really mad at me. Then I fell head over heels in love with you and I had to keep you alive, and protect you for you and for me.

So you did not have honey until you were past one.
You were breastfed until you were 15 months old.
I gladly gave up my career to be there for you, and facilitate your learning and playing and well being.
There were no gates in our house, as I walked beside you when you learned to navigate the stairs.
I watched you climb, knowing you could get hurt, and knowing your mastery was as important.
I did not let you watch the news after 9/11, why expose you to a world you could not control.
I did not tell you about Columbine, see above.
When you heard about Elizabeth Smart, you had trouble sleeping for weeks for fear someone would take you out of your bed. I wish you hadn't heard about her.
I gave you the keys to the car when we walked out of the DMV after you passed your permit test, you drove home. I knew we could get hurt, your mastery was as important.
You rarely hear "NO" because you have earned so many yeses. Your time is yours 90% of the time, you make so many of your own decisions, because you consistently make good ones. And you are a teenager, so that can change at any given point in time. I know your dad & I did not consistently make good decisions when we were teenagers.
And yes because you are in a divorced family, there is an unreal aspect to our lives. I do my own thing when you are gone, and I make sure I am available when you are here, and that's odd, to you. & I will admit it is, your friends parents fit their social life into their schedule and sometimes it overlaps with the kids lives, I don't need to do that.
And yes, if I think women popping ping pong balls out of their vagina's is a vulgar image you don't need to be exposed to, we are walking out of the movie when that scene comes on. And if that is enough to make you mad at me for an entire night, maybe just maybe I am doing my job right. And maybe, just maybe transition is hard for both parent and child.
I wonder what it is like for that baby, getting pushed & squeezed, over & over making it's way down the birth canal. I am sure there is terrific relief when it is over, but I bet the process is not fun for them either.
And it is always harder for the first one, for both of us.

So even while I am proud of your work and who you are and how you conduct yourself, it is still my job to ease you out into the world, and protect you from unnecessary things. I have surrendered so much already