On Men & Women- Men first

 It is sometimes hard for me to believe I have been a CT Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist for nearly 16 years. That sounds like a long time & I feel so young! LOL. Through out my professional career I have found a few ways to explain men & women to the couples in my practice. You dear reader, are getting some of my theories without a co-pay needed. Like a PSA, hopefully you will gain some useful information that assists you in finding peace in your everyday life. By the way, smoking cigarettes leads to cancer, don't do it.
I throw that one in with my kids whenever possible.
 So here goes : Men & Women
* Disclaimer gross generalizations, however truthful, are not meant to imply it is true for everyone.

God, in his infinite wisdom has a great plan for all of us. I consider it the original version of " Everybody Loves Raymond". We are created with completely different ways of processing information & emotions, we value different things, we problem solve differently, grieve differently, express ourselves differently, need different things, and yet, we need each other. The species will NOT continue without each other. It is the greatest exercise in stretching and growing a human being can have. Then he sits back & watches us struggle, and stretch, get frustrated and walk away, come back to it and try a different way. All in the name of survival of the human race. Beautifully really.

Lesson one: Men's brains are like a chest of drawer. When one drawer is open, that is the drawer they are currently involved in and dealing with. They may need to close that drawer in order to deal with another, except for when it comes to sex ( which is for the survival of the human race, there seems to be a potential for that in almost every drawer). Women find this incredibly frustrating until I use this description:

Way back when, when the survival of the family depended on the male to get the zebra, that was his single focus. If he noticed the pretty bouquet of wild flowers that Mrs Caveman would appreciate, he might loose sight of the zebra and therefore his family's food for the winter. Death. Therefore brains are hardwired for

singular focus. It's not that they don't want to help, they really DO NOT SEE IT.

Case in point:  Years ago,I took the air conditioner out of my bedroom window, but since I have a weak back, was only able to lay it down on the floor in front of the window. This space also happened to be right in front of my bathroom door. My male friend at the time walked over this 2 foot by 2 foot monstrosity several times, and got back in bed without offering to move it or anything! I was a bit perturbed by his lack of awareness, and I will admit, a bit snottily I said " Does anything in you think, "Hmm I wonder if Cathy wants that there?" He, ever so loving and gentle, propped himself up on one arm and said to me " I will carry that thing to the moon for you,  you only need to ask."

I may get jumped on for saying I am giving men a way out, a cop out perhaps. My experience both in and out of my office has been, men, real men, good men will help. If  only we ask. We need to help them open the drawer so they can help us with what we need. Women hate asking, we are used to being around other women and so much of that is about intuition. More on the females later. For now: ASK your man for what you want/need you may be surprised at what you need to thank him for.