My Red Tent

If you are a woman, The Red Tent by Anita Diamant is a must read. Just as " Are you there God, it's me Margaret?" spoke the universal language of girls confronted with their changing lives, The Red Tent speaks to our inner world, our strength , our sisterhood. It speaks to biblical times and the lives of women, how their own community provided support and strength when children were born or died, or due to a husband's betrayal. Women caring for women, much like we do today. It works.

I am fortunate enough to have many amazing women in my tent. Although biologically sister less, my sisters today provide comfort, strength, guidance and laughter ( and they never stole my favorite jeans in high school
or pulled my hair) I recently needed to activate my sister friends while I was in need. and without flinching, or eye rolling they were there, doing more than I had asked, naturally. Because that's what they do. I cannot thank them enough, but to be there in their tent when their time comes. And the time comes for all of us.

We are there for each other to comfort and console, to listen and laugh, to tell someone to put the big girl panties on, or to commiserate at the injustice of the system, the world, life. We love each other's kids, see the possibilities, motivate, encourage and cheer on. We bounce off ideas, situations, help with carpooling, medical advice, mirror advice, shopping. We bring meals, organize people, make things happen. That's what we do. We are women, we are life.

I am frequently faced with frustrated women in my practice who have not taken the time to develop their tent of women, who are angry at their husband's or boyfriends for not fulfilling the role. And we talk, cause that's what we women folk do, we talk about all the great things men do and who they are, and we talk about what they are not, namely, women. Their socialization process is very different from ours, and it serves as equally valuable a purpose, even if not convenient to our own.  So it is up to us to make sure we have women in our tent, and equally important that we are in, and useful in the tent of others.

I see it with my mom and her friends, most divorced or widowed, in the autumn of their lives. They makes plan to go to the city together, if someone is on an errand to an unfamiliar destination, she finds a side kick to go with her. They have monthly gatherings to check in and daily talks to weave the web of connection. I worry less about her because I know she has them, as I am sure my boys worry less about me because they know of my strong and stable network of amazing women who support me.

So thank you all, and you know who you are, for being there for me. For picking me up, for making me laugh, for feeding me and cleaning up around me, for caring for and about my boys. Thank you for your love.