54 days

Don't hate me because I love the Christmas season, and judging by my middle son's selection in music when he was told to turn " that rap crap off" he does too. I am proud my kids can sing along with Perry, Dean and Bing. Perhaps not life skills, but certainly happiness skills. So I found out on facebook this morning we have 54 days till the big day. Anyone who knows me knows there is no one big day. From Thanksgiving on I am all Christmas all the time, from having the house decorated by the time the weekend is over, to a tacky clock in the kitchen that chimes a different carole on the hour. We got rid of the house phone recently so there will be no more festive jingle announcing our lack of availability to get the phone, that's a bummer. My brother Sean and his family come up which has the house bustling with extra people and another playmate for my dogs. I love the bustle.  I have always just enjoyed my affinity for the holiday, but recently wondered why the feelings only crop up this time of year for me.

So it all got me thinking, am I this simply to get sucked into the  commercial machine that builds this month up? What's different really? Why am I so much more open to happiness and love, kindness to strangers and childlike wonder? Years past, the Christmases of my childhood were filled with family, and family stress, delight and disappointment. There was something special in having Mom all to myself to baked cookies with, or to be called upon to help with decorations my brothers barely cared about. Perhaps it was that attention that has me looking forward with fondness to the season.

Years ago I remember complaining with a fellow therapist friend of all the things on my to-do list before the holidays, Just the sheer overwhelming quantity of stuff to get done. She stopped me and said, "If you insert the word " want" where you are saying " have" how does that change it?" And it did I wanted to buy presents, I wanted to bake cookies, I wanted to get a great picture card of my boys. It changed things greatly. ( good to have therapist friends)

I have adopted that strategy ever since.Without my own real daughter ( two goddaughters and Not Me aside.)* more about her to come, I have tried hard to give my boys traditions they appreciate without too much effort into things that do not matter to them. Gone are the days when I bake a different  batch of cookies each night, I just picked up two boxes of Alex's favorite Peanut butter Blossom mix at Costco. Nick loves the music and my " Elves Themselves" collection. Last year he created a power point presentation parody for the family of a favorite Dixie Chicks Holiday Classic. Michael is always willing to help in the kitchen, long after the other two have given up on cookie cutters and flour. So I do hope I am giving them memories that will last, and holidays filled with joy and love.

In our twenties, my friend Jane & I used to get together and wrap present watching Holiday movies, Holiday Inn is my favorite, but Elf is a close second.  We stared this practice again last year and it is a great excuse to pause life and spend time with someone who means the world to you. Jane reminds me of this often, she is a great example.


So for me, the next 54 days, and hopefully some time after will be a little more upbeat, a little more warm, a little more kind, a little more Christmas.
"Let me be the first to wish you Merry Christmas this year."-Steve & Edie