Ahh Love Damn it

Yep, I'm a mom, and yep my love life has played backseat to parenting for many years now. But I was in love way back then, and damn it, still am. With someone who is wholly not good for me. Not only is he NOT in love with me, he has done some pretty questionable things, financially looks horrible on paper &  my  closet friends swear they will disown me if I follow my ill -advised heart anywhere near this character, and yet....

Ah the sweet torture of feeling alive.
He does so many many things right.  He is like ALWAYS happy, similar to myself, and a much needed change for me. He is completely self depreciating, an intact ego is so attractive and refreshing. He is a great listener and does not need to hear himself speak constantly, a terrific change especially after some pretty dreary dates lately. He knows the fastest way to get me over anger is with his arms around me. He is actually amused by the drivel in my life. He is such a cuddler, we have to hold hands as we talk and get caught up. We just have to. He has the ability to make me feel like I am the only woman in the world, all the while knowing he can make any woman feel that way. He loves my kids & he is completely present when he is with me. He is funny and generous of heart. He dances in the kitchen,or the bathroom or the bedroom. He is kind to anyone and everyone.

And it will go no where. And my heart aches, just like any other muscle in my body aches after it is used in a fashion it hasn't been used in a while. So glad you participated in the work out, and the feelings that you have now are just evidence of how hard you worked. Love Stinks. Love is wonderful. Love doesn't always go the way we want it to.

As a therapist I know these feelings are so boringly simply a function of biology. His DNA has a certain deviation from mine, optimal for procreation, nothing more, nothing less. That's Mother Natures plan, and the girl knows what she's doing, obviously. She doesn't care if he sticks around to help shovel the snow, or is available for out of town get aways. Her job is done so quickly, leaving me to sort out the rest and attempt to getting my cerebrum to work again. To think clearly after he sends me into a tail spin with just a look. 
Ahh Love
 Damn it.

Life is messy, it's a good lesson to teach the kids.