What choice do we give them?

It is psychological and emotional task of a teenager to push away from the parents. To differentiate, to rebel, to be different from US. They drive us crazy,  make us wonder what happened to the wonderful, loving son or daughter we cared for. Who this alien is who is living with us, and just how early can we try to get them in for Early Admissions at college? That's exactly how it's supposed to be.

Generations ago this was easier, Pa wanted Johnny to stay on the farm and take over, Johnny wanted to go to the big city and to a place called college. Boom - rebellion. Mom wanted Sally to finish taking ballroom dance lessons  and learn how to sew, HELLOOOOO Elvis.  Boom-rebellion. Parents having ideas of what they want for their children start as soon as the rabbit died, or the little blue line appeared, if not sooner. This was good, this was right, this was as it should be. Somewhere along they way, and I think it may have been when the rebellion took the form of drugs and causal sex, topped off with the AIDS crisis, parents, some parents got this lame brain idea that all they wanted for their child was for the child to "be happy". 
I do believe this was born out of fear of what could be next after heroin, and HIV. A lot of bad ideas are born out of fear. Don't get me wrong. I want my boys to be happy.  More importantly, I want them to know what they need to do to take care of themselves so they can experience happiness. That means the ability to tolerate when life does not go your way, which is frequent. When what you want requires hard work and dedication, which is constant.And how to care for ones self when an actual trauma occurs in life, which is inevitable. And to know how to do the laundry and cook.
A friend of mine recently posted a facebook picture of her ex husband's new girlfriend's 14 yr old daughter, who shares a room every other weekend with her own 9 yr old. The girl was wearing a t-shirt with the word F*ck used in several grammatically incorrect ways, with a pretty smile on her face and a lip ring. My question is this: If this is ok, what will she have to do to rebel against her parent?We HAVE to give them something to rebel against. We have to say "NO" sometimes, We have to have expectations and rules and things that are not "ok".We cannot be afraid of them, if we are afraid of them, who is left to protect them?

A supervisor of mine, mother of 7 sons and 2 daughters. often told us stories. One of my favorite was how when her youngest was a teen, as the mom, she would find something benign to make a big deal out of , so her daughter could rebel safely. She blew a gasket whenever a comb or brush was brought into the kitchen. She could make a case for it, sanitation and all, but her underlying reasoning was to give her daughter a way to rebel without actually causing any harm or long term damage. The developmental task could be met, without the child becoming a social piranha, or harming herself..

I routinely monitor my kids facebook pages and in-box "Take it down" to anything inappropriate. They put it up there, (rebel), I reinforced the boundary,( parent). Think about it this way, if you help your child learn how to deal with the word "No" now,  when they go out into society and hear it often, as we all do, they will be better able to deal with it then, and therefore happier.
Now go out there & make your kid miserably today for a better tomorrow! :-)